Week 130- This should not be what it takes...

I am at the age now where older relatives start, well to be blunt, dying.

My cousin (more properly, my father's cousin) died on Friday and she was only 66. Holy Shit and etcetera! That's not all that much older than I am, and it scares the living hell out out of me.

She was drastically overweight, and diabetic and while that wasn't what ultimately killed her, but it sure as hell didn't help her situation, that's for damn sure.

I'm scared, I don't mind telling you.

I have to tighten up my shit and do it quick.

It's a start.

I know tomorrow the Holiday Eating Season gets into full swing and I am sort of dreading it. Oh, I like my family, don't get me wrong, but I tend to eat like I am going to the electric chair on Thanksgiving. At my mother in law's one year I put away a good portion of the leftover turkey (with a little help, but still!)

Ah well, I am back at the gym tomorrow because I can be, and then it's a ballistic day on Black (coffee) Friday. Hopefully I will be able to go again then.

Saturday looks like a Flea Market Day(tm) if the weather holds up.

Week 127- I come to the conclusion that I need to do something drastic

Starting weight: 264.2
Weight last week: 239.4
Current weight: 243.6
Lost this week: UP 4.2

Total lost to date: 20.6

Weight left to lose: 63.4

All right, lets face it, almost 6 pounds up in three weeks is simply unacceptable. I'm completely disgusted with myself. I am becoming the same very out of shape guy I was when I started this journey and that seriously pisses me off. My clothes are tight again, and I am tired all the time.

I just feel pretty miserable and I'm eating like I feel. I sort of feel out of contool about it. The very early hours at work son't especially help, because I eat breakfast at like 5:30 am and lunch at like 10:30. I want to eat dinner later, but when I get out of work at 1 I am freaking famished some days.

I just need to make better food choices. I know what I'm doing, I feel like I'm watching someone else do it sometimes, you know?

Back into it, hardcore. Walking tonight for sure.

Week 125 And still, I grow ever fatter...

Starting weight: 264.2
Weight last week: 230.0
Current weight: 239.4
Lost this week: UP 1.4

Total lost to date: 24.8

Weight left to lose: 59.4

Week 124- still no comment :(

Starting weight: 264.2
Weight last week: 239.9
Current weight: 238.0
Lost this week: 1.9

Total lost to date: 26.2

Weight left to lose: 58.0

Week 123

Starting weight: 264.2
Weight last week: 238.0
Current weight: 239.9
Lost this week: UP 1.9

Total lost to date: 24.3

Weight left to lose: 59.9

Week 122

Starting weight: 264.2

Weight last week: 237.0
Current weight: 238.0
Lost this week: UP 1.0

Total lost to date: 26.2

Weight left to lose: 58.0

When there's no room left in Hell, the dead will walk the Earth, and look for hamburgers, I suppose...

Our good buddy (OK, our buddy from the TeeVee, but still...) posted this on Facebook. It's a Happy Meal that was left alone for 6 months.

http://gizmodo.com/5662271/watch-six-months-of-a-happy-meals-eternal-life?ref=nf

Obviously the meat used for these burgers has the Z-virus!

Oh, and speaking of which, AMC's Walking Dead starts on Halloween! I can't wait!

Here's the trailer. http://tv.ign.com/articles/111/1115632p1.html

Week 121- And so it begins, the slow road to recovery

Starting weight: 264.2
Weight last week: 238.1 (OK, last weigh in that I can find!)
Current weight: 237
Lost this week: 1.1

Total lost to date: 27.2

Weight left to lose: 57.0

OK. I'll take it. Things progress slowly to be getting on with. Let's face it, I'm almost starting from zero again, biologically speaking.

We're going to be hitting this very, very hard, so stay tuned. I am committing myself to doing this properly, and I want to progress steadily into smaller pants and shirts

Week 120- Adrift in a sea of flab

Starting weight: 264.2
Weight last week: 231.0 (OK, last weigh in that I can find!)
Current weight: 238.1
Lost this week: UP 7.1 (in 6 bloody weeks!!!!)

Total lost to date: 26.1 (This is totaly making me miserable right now...)

Weight left to lose: 58.1

If those numbers aren't enough to make me depressed the fact that my 34in waist pants* are getting tight are sure enough uh...enough. Hrm, grammatically awkward sentence there.

Anyway, I simply HAVE to get back to the gym. I just can't seem to find the time. I know, it's an excuse. I don't think I've been since July.

July!

That, my friends is both depressing, pathetic and fucking revolting all at the same time. I'm going to go to the gym tomorrow morning after I put the kid on the bus. I have to take the first step.

Walking and standing at work doesn't seem to do it, so I have to get back in that gym and attack it like I used to.

*Comfort stretch! So they are 36 inches, really.

Not dead, sleeping

I just started working @ an unnamed coffee shop*, so things have been hectic. I have a backlog of stuff to post.

FYI, my fat ass has hit 237 again, so I need to step it up.

Autism walk this Saturday, so that's good but I gotta get moving!


*Rhymes with Farbucks. Just sayin'.

Happy Burfday to me! Plus a new motto!

Well, lookee there! I'm the big Four-Oh! I ought to be svelte and sexy, right?

Well I didn't make it.

No shit, Sherlock. I've been a complete trainwreck fitness wise for going on, oh I dunno, damn near two months now.

Don't get me wrong, I'm happy to have made it to forty. There were times in my life where it was looking a little shaky, let me tell you. So, I guess it's you just have to keep on trucking, right?

So, here's the tally for the I just turned 40 weigh in.

Starting weight: 264.2
Weight last week: 231.0
Current weight: 234.0
Lost this week: UP 3

Total lost to date: 31.2

Weight left to lose: 54.0

So there you have it. 54 pounds left to go before I reach my goal.

I'm giving myself a year, thus making my new motto: GETTING IT DONE BY FORTY ONE!

No, I will not be changing the blog title.

Week 114- Move over fat lady, there's a fat dude warming up...

Starting weight: 264.2
Weight last week: 230.8
Current weight: 231.0
Lost this week: UP .2

Total lost to date: 34.2

Weight left to lose: 51.0

no comment because there is none needed. I feel shitty enough without beating myself up in public about it.

Wait a minute, wasn't that the whole point of this thing?!?!?!


Ooops....

Week 113: Part Deux- more bad neuxs

Starting weight: 264.2
Weight last week: 228.2
Current weight: 230.8
Lost this week: UP 2.6

Total lost to date: 34.4

Weight left to lose: 50.8

yeah... totally not making it are we?

Week 113- cr2032, where art thou?

Seriously, how hard is it to find a crummy battery?!?!?!?

Feeling a little thinner, back on the horse big time. I'm gonna weigh in tomorrow, providing I can get a battery.

Needless to say, I will not make my goal, and I'm seriously pissed off about it*.

I mean, I'm pissed in general and at myself specifically. I got lazy, and yeah, I could have gotten up at 5 to go to the gym but didn't because I was "too tired." No shock there, dum-dum, you're tired because your fat ass has been sitting around and getting wider instead of getting up, getting sweaty and thereby gaining the energy you're complaining about not having!

Also I appear to be typing in run on sentences.


* you should see how bad the typos were when I first banged this out, for example. Sheesh.

Week 112- Weigh in will be delayed...

as the damn scale is not working. I am looking for a new battery :)

My guess is I am up again. I'm just not doing what I need to do.

Knowing I did not make my goal, mainly due to not being committed enough and being lazy and busy with other stuff is really a kick in the ass.

I almost want to shut the blog down and erase the whole thing, but that's no use. What would that serve?

I need it as a reminder of what I can do and did not do. I need it as motivation as I'm not giving up, just in a slump.

Why is it...

...when you forget your cell phone at home you may as well be in 1888 because there's no pay phones?

I mean, come on! Surely gas stations should have them.

I hate the cell phone and think it's one of the worst inventions ever, but it's a necessary evil these days, sadly.

Week 111- Keep eating bad kids and you too can look like me...

Starting weight: 264.2
Weight last week: 226.8
Current weight: 228.2
Lost this week: UP 2.4

Total lost to date: 36.0

Weight left to lose: 48.2

What in the hell am I doing to myself?

Seriously, I know my life has become ridiculously stressful in the last year but this in inexcusable.

Self sabotage, perhaps?

Perhaps...

...and here's another reason you're fat, America!

Whilst I was picking up my coffee the other morning @ Quick Chek, my faux-rista* friend Julia told me about customers who expect to be served by the staff at the self serve coffee bar. I shook my head ruefully. She then told me of another man that morning who became completely livid when the deli workers wouldn't take his order and instructed him to enter it via their touch screen system, so it could be processed in order.

When acting like a petulant spoiled little brat didn't work, he declared “That's it, I'm going to McDonald's where I don't have to work to get my meal!” and stormed out.

Yep, pushing a few buttons to get food is too much work for this guy. Look you asshat, if it was good enough for George Fucking Jetson, I think it's probably OK for you as well.

This is another reason we're fat. Pushing buttons is too much work. Sweet Cracker Sandwich, is this what it's come to?

I mean, I bet you if he did drive to the Golden Arches, he sat in the drive-through to order and ate in the car.

Which brings me to Rich's Obvious Food Tip #1: Any food you order from your car** is, more than likely, pretty crappy for you.



*I call her a “faux-rista” because while she makes all the coffee and stocks all the accouterments and such, she does not actually serve the coffee to the customer. You do this yourself, unless you're a goddamned idiot or fresh off the turnip truck or something and can't wrap your feeble brain around the concept.


** and generally eat in your car!

Week 110- I have nothing clever to say about week 110.

Starting weight: 264.2
Weight last week: 227.2
Current weight: 226.8
Lost this week: down .4

Total lost to date: 37.4

Weight left to lose: 46.8

Well, it's not much...

Ah, who am I kidding? I expected a gain, so I'll take it.

Week 109- I am getting fatter. This is not according to plan.

Starting weight: 264.2
Weight last week: 222.1
Current weight: 227.2
Lost this week: UP FIVE POINT ONE?!?!?!

Total lost to date: 37.0

Weight left to lose: 47.2

Seriously, what in the hell is going on? I know I didn't eat that badly.

OK

Admission time.

I haven't been to the gym in over two months.

Yeah. I know. Way to fail, fatty. I'm going to get back to it this week for sure. I have to. I've been stiff and sore all week and I know it's because I am not moving like I ought to.

I'd still like to be under 200 by my birthday. Is it possible?

I say we find out!

PLEASE NOTE: This weigh in did occur on Tuesday, the normal weigh in day.

Seriously, China, I'm asking a question here...

What's with all the spam comments I have been having to filter out? Please go hawk your surely bootleg boner pills someplace else, OK?


Oh, and please stop using cadmium in kid's jewelry. Seriously, that's just goddamn irresponsible and stupid.

With love,

Your pal Rich.


PS- Tell Jackie Chan I said "hey!"

Week 108- Staying the course, thank goodness!

Starting weight: 264.2
Weight last week: 222.1
Current weight: 222.1
Lost this week: nada, but I'll take it.

Total lost to date: 42.1

Weight left to lose: 42.1

Considering I again ate the sliders at Big Ed's this week, I thought for sure I was boned, but I was OK on the scale. Now, I'm pretty sure had I not had them, I'd have gone down.

I can live with it.

Week 107- Back in the saddle, and a good bit lighter for it.

Starting weight: 264.2
Weight last week: 228.1
Current weight: 222.1
Lost this week: 6 pounds! Wooo!

Total lost to date: 42.1

Weight left to lose: 42.1

OK, how freaking odd is it I am EXACTLY at my halfway to goal?

Now, you and I know that there's no way on God's Green Earth that I am going to lose 42.1 pounds by August 27^th 2010, short of getting ebola or losing my torso or something.*

So, I shall amend my goal to be under or as close to 200 pounds by then as possible. I think now that I am back on course, I should be able to manage this. I was a little upset with myself that I didn't reach my goal by now and when I realized I wasn't going to get it done in time I got a little self-berating.

No, I'm self-deprecating to a fault, any of my friends will tell you that, but it's usually played for a laugh. Sometimes, however, I get pretty down on myself. It's only recently I have begun to recognize when I am doing it, and pull myself out of it. This is something that I seriously needed to do, and I'm still sorting it out.

Anyhow, back to the weight loss bit, eh? Quite frankly, it's about 100 degrees with 90 some percent humidity out, so standing outside is like being an a sauna, just with less shirtless old men. Urf. Seriously, cooking in the kitchen is hot. I'm totally making my own gravy over here.

I had two people tell me I was looking better this week, so that's nice. I am feeling a little better about myself, enough so that I was able to take my shirt off at the waterpark yesterday. That's something anyway.

*Dear God, this is not a request or serious suggestion. Hyperbole, baby!

We could probably end our dependence on foreign oil...

..if we drilled a hole into my GI tract and siphoned of the abundant Natural Gas deposits that are currently terrorizing my family.

Seriously, it's terrible. It's the GI Apocalypse! I have cramps, I'm so bloated that I feel like a family of schmoos* have moved into my belly. I'm bloated beyond my capacity for rational thought. This makes me very, very surly.

Then there's there's the smell.

It's like a million landfills burning in my hindquarters and gullet. Heavens above, Gromit! I take this opportunity to publicly apologize to anyone who happened to be downwind of the Superfund site that was my ass for the past 48 hours.

On the plus side, with all the trips to the International Room**, I ought to drop some weigh this week.




*Although, according to the Wiki, the plural is “Schmoon!”. Also, I learned a “nogoodnik” as an evil schmoo! Who knew?

** When you go in you're Russian, then European, and when you come out, you're Finnish!

Week 106- No weigh? Yes, no weigh!

Yeah, it's my wife's birthday today and my dumb ass forgot to weigh in. ah well, what can you do? I'm going to wait until next week.

Week 105- Bad news, folks...

Starting weight: 264.2
Weight last week: 222.6
Current weight: 228.1
Lost this week: Sweet Jesus, up FIVE AND A HALF GODDAMN POUNDS!

Total lost to date: 36.1

Weight left to lose: 48.1

Warn the townsfolk at the bottom of the mountain! It's a flab-alanche!

Yeah, I kinda knew it was coming, but still it's a heartbreaker, you know?

Part of it is stress and the eating that can invariably come with it.

Too many desserts is another.

Big Ed's 3.99 BBQ Pork Sliders lunch was the fat straw that broke my sweaty back.

For 3.99 you get 3 pulled pork sliders with potato wedges (or fries) and cole slaw. Now, as you know, I believe Cheese to be the Devil. If that is the case, Mayonnaise is Cheese's right hand man in culinary evil, followed quickly by scrambled eggs.

Anyway these sammiches are served on those little garlic rolls you get before the meal.

It is why the term “OMFG” was invented.

Also, OMFGIATIACFA* as well

*Oh my effin' God, I am turning into a colossal fat-ass!

Good grief!

Met my wife 13 years ago today.

That's pretty astounding, isn't it. This year we'll be married for 10 years or fully 1/4 of my life!

Happy anniversary, chickie! I love you :)

Week 104- Plateau-ing the line

Starting weight: 264.2
Weight last week: 222.6
Current weight: 222.6
Lost this week: 0

Total lost to date: 41.6

Weight left to lose: 42.6

OK, it's not UP, but it's not down. Sorry for not getting this up at a normal time, but there was a lot going on...This result IS from Tuesday though, so don't worry, the results are not skewed.

I have been told that, believe it or not, Chili's has removed the Awesome Blossom from it's menu. This is probably old news, as I haven't eaten at Chili's in at least a year, and when I was last there, I'm pretty sure we only laughed about the damned thing.

Upon researching this, it appears this occurred about 2 years ago. I am out of the loop as far as the chain restaurants go.

Week 103- Good News/Bad News

Starting weight: 264.2
Weight last week: 224.6
Current weight: 222.6
Lost this week: 2.0

Total lost to date: 41.6

Weight left to lose: 42.6


Sorry for the late update, kids. I did my tuesday weigh in, but the home PC is virused up pretty thoroughly. I’d like to meet the guy who wrote the program and punch him in the sack, and I’m not referring to hitting him while he’s asleep.

That’s the bad news. The good news is I am down two pounds! Wooooooo!

OK, I’m pretty psyched that I lost two pounds, and I go for more bloodwork on Thursday so we’ll see how that’s going.

My arms are getting more defined and that’s nice, but the gut still vexes me.*

Also, I discovered that while 34 waist shorts are perfectly fine, that does not translate to board shorts, as the Most Awesome Bathing Suit Ever (seriously, it’s ridiculous. Pictures forthcoming!) failed to cover my junk properly**. It would have been pretty rad for a trip to say, Hedonism or I dunno, the Tri-State Show Us Your Wang convention, but wholly inappropriate for the apartment complex pool.

Nobody needs to be involved in that situation.




* Shush already, I know. More crunches for the muscles, more running and sweating for the flab.

**Sorry, Ladies. This ship has sailed. :)

The "Worst Food Product Ever" May Have Been Found

Sweet Fancy Moses...

Pork Brains In Milk Gravy.

Seriously.

Calorie-wise, you say "Well, that's not bad. 150 Calories in a whole can. Not too bad!" and then you look at the cholesterol.

1170%

What in the hell would possess someone to eat this?

I mean unless this is the food equivalent of the Giant Check you get when Publisher's Clearinghouse shows up*. I mean, that'd maybe be convincing but I dunno.

Well, weigh in tomorrow. See you then.



* or sex. I mean it could be like sex, I guess. They say brains are sexy, right?

Week 102- 1 pound down. Also, the computer :)

Starting weight: 264.2
Weight last week: 225.6
Current weight: 224.6
Lost this week: 1.0
Total lost to date: 39.6

Weight left to lose: 44.6

Sorry this was posted late, but I have a RootKit virus on my PC. So, I have been backing up that which was not yet backed up, and getting ready for the arduous task of reinstalling every damned thing onto the PC.

Joy and rapture.

This can't be a suprise to anyone, can it?

From Men's Health and the Consumerist-

2,010 Calorie shake from Cold Stone Named Worst Drink in America:

Only days after the Center for Science in the Public Interest ruined everyone's dinner plans with their list of the worst meals available at U.S. restaurants, the muscle-bound dudes over at Men's Health Magazine have released their own list of the worst drinks in America.

Topping the list is the PB&C shake from Cold Stone Creamery, which in the 24 oz. (aka "gotta have it") size contains 2,010 calories, 131 g fat (68 g saturated) and 153 g sugars. The Men's Health people put it in perspective, equating one shake to 30 Chewy Chips Ahoy Cookies and claiming it has as much saturated fat as 68 strips of bacon.

Also on the Men's Health Worst Drink list:

* Smoothie King Peanut Power Plus Grape (large, 40 fl oz):
1,498 calories; 44 g fat (8 g saturated); 214 g sugars

* McDonald’s Triple Thick Chocolate Shake (large, 32 fl oz):
1,160 calories; 27 g fat (16 g saturated, 2 g trans); 168 g sugars

* Krispy Kreme Lemon Sherbet Chiller (20 fl oz):
980 calories; 40 g fat (36 g saturated); 115 g sugars

* Baskin-Robbins Ice Cream Soda (vanilla ice cream and cola) (large, 28.6 fl oz):
960 calories; 40 g fat (25 g saturated, 1.5 g trans); 136 g sugars

To see all 20 belly-busting beverages on the list, head over to Men's Health.

Again, with the 68 strips of bacon! Sweet Valley High, that's a lot of fat. I mean, why not go just go all out and eat a seal pup?

I am astounded that the "Gotta Have It" size does not refer to a stroke.

I have only eaten at Coldstone maybe three times in my life, but there was one never the Blockbuster I used to frequent (in the same plaza as a Weight Watchers actually! Synergy!) and more often than not they were of the "behemoth" variety.

I know that sounds cruel, but look, I was there. OK, maybe I wasn't in the Behemoth category, but I was at least in the Junior Division. I know you eat to fill a void, I've been there. You don't feel like you're worth anything to anyone, so you eat. You get fatter, and think even less of yourself so you eat more.

I just want to assure you, you can change it. It doesn't matter how bad you have let yourself get. You need to get up and get moving. I won't lie to you, it's hard, it's damned hard. You need to celebrate every win, no matter how small, because they are all building blocks to get to where you want to go.

You will fall down. Everyone does. I did, hell I still do. Just get up, dust yourself off, and start again.

Week 101. I gotta get back on this goddamn horse.

Starting weight: 264.2
Weight last week: 223.6
Current weight: 225.6
Lost this week: +2.0
Total lost to date: 38.6

Weight left to lose: 45.6

Whattya know? Eating crappy and not exercising properly makes you put on weight! Who would have guessed?

Back in action as of now. I may not make my goal, but I will be under 200 by my birthday.

Week 100- Hooray! I'm still fat! Wait a second...

Starting weight: 264.2
Weight last week: 221.5
Current weight: 223.6
Lost this week: +2.1
Total lost to date: 40.6

Weight left to lose: 43.6

Damn, blast and double-damn!

At this rate, I'm blowing this big time.

My head weighs like 20 pounds (it has to, it's huuuuuge!) so there's always the option of removing that :)

I gotta keep my big trap shut (not a post about eating!)!

I realize every time I make one of those "Man, I am so gonna kill it next week!" posts, I don't so much kill it, you know?

I got lucky. Despite not as much gymming as I should have, I stayed the same. I attribute that to two days of busting my hump @ the Flea Market and one day of busting our collective humps (me an the missus) sorting out the garage. This is a good thing, because previously, it looked like the Salvation Army exploded. Currently, due to high stacks of plastic storage bins with walkways intertwined, it looks like I'm hiding the Ark of the Covenant (see below):



(this is an actual photo of my garage. No, really*!)

Anyway, I'm off to the gym to get all sweaty and listen to the latest edition of the Uncanny Xcast, my favorite podcast. It's not for kids, and you don't really have to be into the comics to enjoy it.

Remind me to tell you about Irony Wednesday.







*No, not really!

Week 99- Houston, we have a problem.

Starting weight: 264.2
Weight last week: 221.5
Current weight: 221.5
Lost this week: 0
Total lost to date: 42.7

Weight left to lose: 41.5

Well...


piffle!

Week 98- downward ho!

Starting weight: 264.2
Weight last week: 223.0
Current weight: 221.5
Lost this week: 1.5
Total lost to date: 42.7

Weight left to lose: 41.5

OK, this is getting exciting.

I now have less to lose than I have lost total, so that's good.

I am 1.5 pounds away from The Wall. Yes, the Wall. I have yet to get past The Wall of 220.

I will do it this week.

I am going to work my ass off and I don't care if I am 219.9, I will be under 220 this time next week.

I'm in a friendly contest with my friend Bill Moon and he's at 220 today, the bastard.

I gotta step up or push him into a buffet, one or the other.

Well, shit...

62 days is obviously false. This is what I get for not checking my facts.

The counter is obviously boned right now.

I'm going to look for a new one, because I can't make it work otherwise. Sheesh.

My goodness! 62 days left!! Does anyone know where I can rent a bear?

Brown, Black, Kodiak. Hell, even a surly Panda should do the trick. I'm going to carry some fresh salmon* and let the bear chase me on the treadmill.

I did 600 calories on the thing the other night. I didn't gym it up this weekend, but I was all over the damn place at Sesame Place on Saturday so I think I got a pretty good sweat going at least.

I'm going to beat myself pretty senseless at the gym later. I am hoping for a loss this week. The weather has turned much warmer, and I feel I probably lose more weight in the summer because I am sweating more.

I could also be clutching at straws :)


* in the case of the panda, bamboo sandwiches...

Week 97- This here is the home stretch!

Starting weight: 264.2
Weight last week: 225.0
Current weight: 223.0
Lost this week: Down 2!
Total lost to date: 41.2

Weight left to lose: 43.0

OK. Four months to go. Damn, that seems like the blink of an eye, doesn't it?

Four months to lose 43 pounds.

This is going to be tough. 16 weeks, at two pounds a week (optimistically) is only 32 pounds which pulls me up 11 pounds short.

I do not wish to be 11 pounds short.

Last night's workout was severe for two reasons. 1) I wanted to make sure I lost this week so I beat the living daylights out of myself. 2) they play patently awful dance/club music at the gym at night. When I hate the music I seem to work out harder.

And man, do I hate that music. Duing the day they sometimes play the Boneyard on Sirius/XM and yeah, that's pretty good stuff. When that's on I am good to go for the most part. Classic Rock with more of a metal edge, you know, Scorpions, Maiden, Priest, etc.

Then sometimes they play horrible, horrible disco music. Terrible, crappy music with robotic Auto-Tuned vocals. Completely soulless, and relentlessly offensive, aesthetically at least, to me.


It seems nights have been also attracting a lot of muscle-head Guido types*, although I did see a kid there in a Suicidal Tendencies shirt last night, so that was something. I'm sure he was suffering as well. Anyway, back to the Guidos. Most of them are OK, and I find most people there are reasonably friendly all-around, but I like the AM/Early afternoon folks more. I have little nicknames for them, and invent back stories or whatever.

Look, it keeps it interesting if I think Super Virile Asian Guy is fooling around with the MILFy Twins. I try not to involve thoughts of Short-Shorts/Cop Mustache is all.**

Anyway, I'm really trying to up the intensity of the workouts so I can get some bigger numbers. I'd like to lose three this week and hit 220. That seems to be some invisible barrier or something. When I hit that I think 200 will be the next tough nut to crack.


* That don't make you a bad person, but it's a "gruntier" experience, you know?

** Yes there are Night People with nicknames as well. There's Divorced Blonde Mom and daughter(who does not have a name, she's DBM's sidekick), Garlic Woman, Sparkly Scotty (so named because he wears his hat sideways [YES, at the gym!] like scotty from the little Rascals and bedazzled shirts, and Lacrosse Girl.

Last week, I forgot to mention-

I bested my best time on the Blue Trail at Cheesequake.

It's a 2.5 mile trail, mostly steep hills and rickety Staircases of Death(tm) and one perilously shaky sounding boardwalk over a salt marsh. I won't run on the walkway anymore. Not because I don't think it's solid, because it is, but because it's a little warped and, to be frank, I don't need to bathe in a swamp.

I did it in 43 minutes, which is 7 minutes better than my previous time.

So, last week wasn't all bad :) I also saw a lot of animals on that run. 2 deer, a rather surly frog, a very shy snake, and a couple little fat blue birds that looked like winged blue racket balls. Adorable!

Week 96 is goddamn depressing...

Sorry for the delay in posting. Things were a little crazy, then the damn internet connection kept going down, etc. Fun stuff.

Starting weight: 264.2
Weight last week: 223.0
Current weight: 225.0
Lost this week: up two. Seriously, WTF?!?!?!
Total lost to date: 39.2

Weight left to lose: 45.0

Up?

This is really annoying. Maybe I built some muscle? Clothes fit better, and yet, I am heavier.

"Awesome" could not possibly weigh this much, could it?

Did 4.5 miles in 40 minutes in the Yellow trail in Cheesequake on Tuesday. It's an easy trail, so I made good time. I saw a huge mess of deer and tiny blue bird that looked like Disney cartoons. It was pretty good.

Two milestones achieved...

1) I managed to do some pull ups for the first time ever. 39 years, pull up free and I managed 5. Yay for me!

2) Two words- Medium Underpants!*





* you betcha!

Happy Birthday(s)!

Happy 04 to my son, on Wednesday, and happy 81 to my Dad today!

Week 95- Honestly, I'm getting a little annoyed...

Starting weight: 264.2
Weight last week: 224.0
Current weight: 223.0
Lost this week: 1.0
Total lost to date: 41.2

Weight left to lose: 43.0

One pound, eh?

Well.

I guess I have no choice but to switch to Plan B. I'm going to have to take up smoking crack.*



* Just kidding, kids. Freebasing cocaine is way better for weight loss!**

** it saddens me to have to put this here, but I am KIDDING. I don't wanna be responsible for some moron kid on Intervention in a couple years crying into a dirty flannel shirt about how he just wanted to drop "that last 10 pounds" and that he saw this on a blog.

Fiber- Dietary, not moral.

So, I'm trying this thing two days before I weigh in. I up my fiber intake on Sunday, then back off of it a lot on Monday, hoping that by Tuesday, it will make a significant difference in my CF.

This is week three I am trying this out. Didn't do crap* for me week 1 (in fact, I went up if you remember) and may have worked last week. This week will be the litmus test, I think.

What I have been doing is I have been eating two VitaMuffins** Sunday nights, and they are acting like reactor fuel for the most part. They appear to be the Roto-Rooter of foods. With 12 g of fiber for two, they pretty much will unstick whatever you got stuck, I'll tell you what.

I pity my poor wife, because I am killing her. You can probably figure out what I'm talking about on your own without me spelling it out for you.

Remind me later in the week to tell you about all the cool stuff that's back at ALDI for the summer.

I seriously wish they'd endorse this blog. I mean, I talk them up for free, but some free groceries would be swell. I also accept cash and gold bullion.

I also think I'd have to cut back on the gas talk and assorted other nonsense, and where would the fun be in that? Ah, you win some you lose some...





* Totally didn't see that the first read through! Ha!

** I know, I know. It's just a phrase that sounds dirty like "tethering the blimp," or "Sending out for sushi," or "Shaking Hands with Abraham Lincoln.***"

*** Good grief, I can't use this joke anymore! According to Urbandictionary.com (pretty much NSFW kids!) it's a euphemism for male, uh..."alone time" if you catch my drift. Dang. That one doesn't even make sense, unless there's some sort of "stovepipe hat" reference I am missing...

A little advice

So, if you apply Icy Hot to your foot before bed and you go for a three mile hike in the woods, you probably want to wash your foot first, because otherwise it burns like a mofo.

Week 93- 224! We have movement! (this is *not* about poop)

Starting weight: 264.2
Weight last week: 225.5
Current weight: 224.0
Lost this week: 1.5
Total lost to date: 40.2

Weight left to lose: 44.0

OK, not what we wanted and I am dying to break through the 220 barrier!

Jeez, 44 pounds left and it seems ridiculous.

Out, Out, Damned Gout!

Yeah, I appear to be having a minor (comparatively) flare up, which is odd being I haven't had one in a good long while (last year in the early part if I am correct) and I haven't been eating gout unfriendly stuff.

By minor, I of course mean I feel like someone broke my ankle while I was sleeping and replaced the bones with old sticks as opposed to having a foot filled with broken glass and lava.

Two days no gym. annoying.

It's an Easter Miracle(tm) !

Shirt size: Large
Pants size: 34 x 30
Ego size: Ridiculous


Yeah, 1 pants size from goal!

As of today, according to the exchange rate, my wife lost $105.60...

or 70 Pounds!

(you see what I did there?)*


Thank you, Hedwig.

Anyway, yes I thought it deserved it's own post because that's a pretty big number, and she is solidly kicking my ass.
Congrats, baby. You're looking great and I'm damn proud of you!





*It's a currency exchange rate joke. you know by now I am a nerd...

Week 92- Weak, totaly weak!

Starting weight: 264.2
Weight last week: 222.5
Current weight: 225.5
Lost this week: +3
Total lost to date: 38.6

Weight left to lose: 45.6

Goddammit. At this rate I feel like I am never going to reach my goal. The clock is ticking and I am apparently swelling like a tick as well.

I busted my ass like you wouldn't believe, and I am ridiculously annoyed that I am UP! I could see maybe no change or only down a little, but three pounds is pretty substantial for me at this stage of the game to be up.

GRRRR. Don't mind me, I am just annoyed. Lots of little things are piling up right now and they are just irking the crap out of me. Add to that the one year anniversary of my Mom passing being tomorrow.

Also, ENOUGH ALREADY WITH THE RAIN, FOR CRYING OUT LOUD!

See, I'm getting crabby, and that's not good. Anyhow, today's a cardio day, so once I go to the gym tonight I'll be glued to the treadmill and eliptical for an hour or so.

Not so smug now, are you Superman?

Remember this shirt?

The ORIGINAL goal shirt, kiddies!

Yeah, that's right.

LARGE.

and this sumbitch was tiiiiight!



it's actually a little bit big, too :)

Week 91- not much fun

Starting weight: 264.2
Weight last week: 223.1
Current weight: 222.5
Lost this week: .5
Total lost to date: 41.6

Weight left to lose: 42.6

ok, down a little. I have new tactics I am trying. Following in the wife's footsteps (since she's damn near 70 pounds down, I think that it's a good idea, huh?

Week 90- While I love Pixar, this is not the "UP" I was interested in this week

Starting weight: 264.2
Weight last week: 221.1
Current weight: 223.1
Lost this week: +2, dammit
Total lost to date: 41.1

Weight left to lose: 43.1

Honestly, I was seriously expecting a big ol loss this week, not this.

Meh.

More gym. More sweating.

Conflicted

So there's a casino in Atlantic City (Trump's Taj Mahal) that's offering an all day Buffet for something like 24.99 (29.99 on weekends) and I am conflicted.

On the one hand-

• AC is not cheap to eat at like Vegas can be. So, 25 clams and you're set all day.
• The cheap bastard in me thinks this is a solid plan
• the fat bastard in me thinks "FRIED SHRIMP!!!!!!!!!*" OM-NOMNOMNOMNOMNOMNOM!

On the other hand-

• the new, less fat-assed version of me says "man, you could really just kill yourself eating at this place. I mean, you'd die fat and maybe happy..."
• holy crap, that's really insane. You could sit and eat all day for 25 bucks and just get up to "clear the decks" as it were. Throw in some gladiators and we have Rome :)

*He's also thinking "BACON!" but let's hope for all concerned, that that's only available at breakfast.

Week 89- meh.

Starting weight: 264.2
Weight last week: 221.3
Current weight: 221.1
Lost this week: .2
Total lost to date: 42.1

Weight left to lose: 41.1

Look, I'll be frank. I ate crummy and didn't go to the gym this weekend. Thus, I have not gotten under 220. I can't wait to be there, because that means only 40 pounds to go. I realized I have less than 6 months to do it and I am getting concerned. The game must be stepped up.

Dunkin Donuts is trying to kill us all...

Holy shit! I mean, seriously, America? This seems like a good idea to you guys? I mean, the McGriddle was pretty insane, but lets face it, if McDonald's though they could sell you the McLard sandwich, you know damn well they would.

Dunkin Donuts looked pretty responsible as of late. Multigrain options, then those flatbread egg-white sammiches, they were a pretty good option. Now we have a vehicle that is normally used to deliver either syrup or ice cream (if they of the Belgian variety) to bring even more artery clogging mayhem to the portly populace of 'Merica.

I mean, we were Goddamn stupid enough to invent this monstrosity, so I put nothing past us...

Week 88- not quite what we were looking for but...

Starting weight: 264.2
Weight last week: 222.8
Current weight: 221.3
Lost this week: 1.5
Total lost to date: 41.9

Weight left to lose: 41.3

Not terrible. I wanted three, but being sick is a real pain in the ass.

Biggest Loser is back tonight, maybe we can start talking about it. I dunno, I'm not terribly into blogging about it right now.

Sick again?!?!?!

Dammit.

Not pleased about this, but what can you do? Looks like the boy is getting something again too. What a winter!

So I have managed to sufficiently cripple myself...

...via rigorous exercise so that shoveling snow is just agony.

Tuesday I did a ridiculous amount of upper body and chest stuff. Yesterday I did all legs and hips and what not. Today I'm The Incredible Hurting Man.

My chest still hurts like I was hit like a hammer. A lot.

Week 87- pound for pound

Starting weight: 264.2
Weight last week: 223.9
Current weight: 222.8
Lost this week: 1.1
Total lost to date: 40.4

Weight remaining to lose: 42.7 pounds

First off, congrats to the missus who hit 65 pounds today. Good job, honey! I'm super proud of you!

All right, I can see the 220 mark, and I think if I really really bust my ass this week I bet I can hit 220. 2.8 pounds is doable but I have to really apply myself to this.

Made myself some nice fish and rice last night with a side salad. Looked like a meal you'd get out someplace too. Good stuff and a good start!

OK, everybody out of the pool!

Yeah, so I enjoy a good chicken sammich. I bought some Perdue chicken cutlets which are 5 points each. I pretty much polished off the package in two days with them on sammich flats.

THE THING IS, the damned things have 13g of fat each. So, needless to say, after consuming 52g of fat in less than 24 hours, my stomach revolted and it was, well, revolting quite frankly.

That'll learn me, right?

Just goes to show you, kiddos, just because the Weight Watchers Points value seems reasonable, let's not get stupid about it.

Your tummy will thank you for it.

Try this instead:
1- Fit and Active Multigrain Wrap (1 point)
2- 2 Kirkland chicken Tenderloins grilled up on the Foreman (2 points)
3- load that bad boy up with whatever veggies you want
4- you can put a little (I said a little! Don't drown your food! Did you learn nothing from Saturday Cartoons!?!?!) ketchup or BBQ sauce or whatever. (generally 1 point)
NUMMY!

Please note, cheese is optional and considered offensive by the author. You may also choose tofu or something I guess if you're a meatophobe.


Oh, I don't go for bloodwork until the fifth. The previous entry is invalidated by my inability to read a calendar properly sometimes.

30 Day Jumpstart- please pass the jumper cables...

just did this

now I'm doing this

I'm more in tune with Daniel on this DVD (the first segment is Ally, Sione, Liz, Daniel, Danny and America's Choice led by Tara. I got through half of the first workout before I thought I was going to fall over.

I like it so far because, yeah, I'm already sweaty as blazes and I think this helps you if you're a beginner like me. I do still consider myself a beginner, at least with aerobic stuff.

I go next week to get my bloodwork done. Cross whatever you go that you can cross.

Week 86- Half a pound is half a pound.

Starting weight: 264.2
Weight last week: 224.4
Current weight: 223.9
Lost this week: .5
Total lost to date: 39.3

Weight remaining to lose: 43.8 pounds

OK, it's obvious that at this pace I will NOT reach my goal. Thus, I gotta get to stepping a little bit more. We have a Biggest Loser DVD that has a couple short cardio rutines on it, and it might just be time to get them cracking.

I had a Weight Watchers prepared meal tonight of turkey and stuffing, and while it was good, I now am besieged with the most foul and noxious gas.

Tomorrow night the Count Basie Theater in Red Bank will be showing a FREE showing of The Maltese Falcon. 8PM, be there!

I love me some Sam Spade, and while I own the film on DVD, I have never seen it. Yeah, I'm kind of a dope like that sometimes. Don't get me started on things I own and have not watched.

Feeling pretty sore about it....

...shoveling, that is. Man alive so many different parts of me hurt, it's preposterous.

I mean, in reality, I feel pretty good about it. I'm not nearly as crippled as I would have been say, forty pounds ago, but last night my joints were snapping like Jiffy Pop.

Got a lot to do today but I have to feed the kiddo lunch first and then we run our errands.

Also, it would be good to wait until a little ice melts so I don't have to skate to the car.

Week 85- told ya so!

Starting weight: 264.2
Weight last week: 225.1
Current weight: 224.4
Lost this week: .9
Total lost to date: 39.8

Weight remaining to lose: 44.3 pounds

Yeah...

I told you so. I was actually feeling a lot thinner and that, for some dumb reason, means i don't lose a lot of weight. On weeks where I loose a significant amount I never feel like I did. Is it some wackadoo delayed reaction?

I'd love to talk to an expert and see if this is an actual phenomenon, or just me.

Cool Cardio Coming!

Yeah, I got my cardio on Saturday by digging my cars out of the 8" of snow we got. Now, we're supposed to get another 18" of frosty ass-whupping* Tuesday into Wednesday. Sigh.

Ah well.

Weigh in tomorrow, and I feel thinner which usually translates to a small loss on the scale.

I wonder why that is...





*eep!

Week 84- De-rutted it seems!

Also, Starting weight: 264.2
Weight last week: 227.0
Current weight: 225.1
Lost this week: 1.9
Total lost to date: 38.7

Weight remaining to lose: 46.1 pounds

Sorry for the delay in posting! I have been figting off a cold or something (You know, like Tapanooli Fever or the Black Formosa Corruption*) for a couple of days now.

Well, I managed to miss both Lost AND Biggest Loser. DAMN!

Also, Punxsutawney Phil and Essex Ed (the groundhog @ Turtle Back Zoo) saw their shadows, the damn fools. Only Cornfield Larry** predicted an early end to winter. I'm getting on the Corn Wagon. Truth be told, I want one of those snazzy Essex Ed hats too.

I appreciate that while a lot of Groundhogs*** are named via alteration, Cornfield Larry is just that I am sure. A big ol' Groundhog from a corn field.

Of course, Phil was vindicated today by dumping some snow on us, the tubby so and so.

* Come on, where is this from? Someone has to get it!
**From Indiana I believe. He, amazingly, has no website.
*** I capitalized, because he's a local celebrity.

Happy Anniversary!

Yep. It's been one month of not eating Chinese food. This is more than likely the longest I have gone in my adult life.

Put that in your pipe and smoke it, General Tso!


Mind you, I really want some.

A term you should be aware of and using...

This is a very useful term, and it's about time someone came up with it.

The term is, as follows:

BANWAP
Which stands for "Bare-Assed Naked Weight After Poo."

Thanks, Dano!

I have always used my BANWAP, but it's nice to have a term for it. Jam it in your lexicon now.

Biggest Loser is getting very interesting finally. I'll get my thoughts down soon, I promise.

Week 83. Pretty much the same as Week 82.

Starting weight: 264.2
Weight last week: 227.0
Current weight: 227.0
Lost this week: 0.0*
Total lost to date: 36.8

Weight remaining to lose: 47 pounds

The fact that I lost nothing this week, added to the fact that I wanted nothing more right this morning than to take a nap and get Chinese Food, is not helping me be motivated..

I went to the gym instead, mind you, but I'd still like the Tso's, you know?

It was back to crappy disco music, but I persevered. Why is the music so loud when it's so bad? I just don't get it! Fortunately I had the G.I. Joe Review Podcast to listen to.

Why, yes, I am a colossal nerd, thanks for noticing!

Another thing, if you have a movie schedule for the movie room at the gym, why not stick to it?

When a man goes expecting the cinematic masterpiece** that is The Cannonball Run, I do not expect something some inferior Ladder 49***!

I mean, come on!

I also forgot my new girdle, and yeah it's a lot different working out without one, mainly due, I think, with the umbilical hernia I have. I busted my old one, and I'll tell you what, I'll say it again: do NOT buy the ones at Five Below. I love the store and have tons of other products from there, but I'd avoid the Waist Trimming Belts were I you...


*aside from how that looks kind of like an owl, I don't like to see that.
** yes, I'm serious. I love that movie almost indecently!
*** I have no idea if Ladder 49 is a bad film or not. There's very few movies that could have replaced CR with where I would be satisfied truth be told. At least in the sense where I can jump in and out and still enjoy the movie.

Music makes a big difference...

The gym had the following stuff on the radio today*:

Rush (one of the few songs I like)
Dio
Black Sabbath
Van Halen
Guns n Roses
Judas Priest
some more I can't remember
and Grim Freakin' Reaper**!!!

Then, the elastic belt I wear to keep in my belly, erm I mean my body heat, broke. Fooey. This is why you don't buy it from Five Below and you spend the extra $5 at Target. I seriously got like 5 uses out of it. I used the one from Target for a couple months before it wore out.

I also burned my wrist on our toaster oven. I have burned my hands half a dozen times in the three weeks we have had it. I think it's out to get me.

*XM Radio
** and I know what you're thinking and it wasn't. It was "Rock You to Hell."

I took a good, critical look at myself today*...

...naked.

And I owe my wife an apology. Also to any neighbors who may have seen too much at any point in the last 10 years.

Sorry about that, really. I'm getting this straightened out now. :)


* I was going to say I took a "long, hard" look at myself, but I know the kind of tomfoolery that sort of post will encourage.

Week 82- Slow and steady again.

Starting weight: 264.2
Weight last week: 228.6
Current weight: 227.0
Lost this week: 1.6
Total lost to date: 36.8

Weight remaining to lose: 47 pounds

OK, all things considered, I'm not going to complain about this one at all. I have to get the momentum up though if I am going to come near my goal, however.

Was feeling pretty crummy this morning so I ended up taking a nap. I almost never nap during the day, even when I am feeling under the weather. However, I do love a good nap, so I got the couch ready and turned on the fan. I then put on Doctor Who- The Hand of Fear, set it for "commentary*" and within minutes I was out like a light.

I woke up totally disorientated and amazed that it was two hours later, but man, did I feel great!

I'm gonna try and go to sleep a little early tonight, because I am going to be a busy beaver tomorrow and there will be NO time for napping!


*this is not to say I normally do not like the commantaries, because I do, and this one has Tom Baker and Lis Sladen and is great fun, but if I am tired, the friendly english voices send me straight to the land of nod

And now...

my nose is running and I am getting seriously stuffed up.

C'mon, already!

I am awesome at making excuses...

and remarkably shitty at making any progress.

Story of my life, and I need to rewrite it now.

Week 81- look what you've done!

Starting weight: 264.2
Weight last week: 226.5
Current weight: 228.6
Lost this week: +2.1
Total lost to date: 35.2

Weight remaining to lose: 48.6 pounds

Well, shit.

Well, enough screwing around. I'm now back to only 35 pounds down. To the gym!

Unlike the stock market, I'm anticipating some big gains tomorrow...

Went to Big Ed's Ribs today fopr lunch and I am paying in spades. I'm gassier than the Hindenburg.

Ugh. Well, I danced and now I pay the fiddler.

Ah, good. We've had enough of this balmy 40 degree weather...

...so it looks like it's gonna effin snow tonight.

I blame myself, because yesterday I thought "Man, I should really get the cars washed..."

Some randomness:

1) The McChicken on the dollar menu seems to be a bad thing. I mean as far as I am concerned specifically and for the world at large.* Talk about temptation. I dunno really why, but it's been nagging me lately.
2) 2.5 pounds over the entire Holiday eating season is pretty damn good. It's a setback, but it should only hold me back a week or so.
3) Everywhere I go lately is Chinese Food places with deals. Alright, China, I get it, your food is nummy! I am resisting though, because I can. Because I have to!
4) the microwave crapped out last night. Macy's has a shitty selection and they are over-priced. I only wnet there as we have some store credit, not because I'm a big fan of Macy's. As a matter of fact, I actually kind of hate the joint, due mostly to snooty salespeople.

I ended up getting one @ Target that was a brand I'd heard of and it was $70 dollars cheaper than the one at Macy's which was kind of shady looking.

Then again, Macy's carries a toaster oven priced at $400, so what the frig do I know?

5) Man, The Biggest Loser was pretty good this week. I don't know anyone's name other than I think the really big dude is named Mike. Mike is 52o-something pounds at the get-go and all I could think was "how does he get anywhere?" How does the human body carry 500+ pounds?

The short answers are "not well, " and "not for too long."

I'll get to more of this later, I gotta go out.



* Pun semi-intended.

Week 80- About 4 dollars worth...

Starting weight: 264.2
Weight last week: 224.5
Current weight: 226.5
Lost this week: +2.0
Total lost to date: 37.3

Weight remaining to lose: 46.5 pounds

...or about 2 pounds. see it's a joke, where I was using a unit of weight, but the British call their money Pounds, and I converted it into dollars. Ah, lemme be.

Well, once I shake this cough, it'll be back on the horse full bore.

In further praise of ALDI

Praise be to the gods on Mount ALDI!

Some seasonal Fit and Active items have returned!

Turkey Burgers!
Lite Cranberry Grape drink!
Multigrain Waffles!

and a new item, Grilled Chicken Bites! Like nuggets, only not horrendously bad for you! If ALDI was a woman, I'd give her a great big smooch!

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

45.5 pounds to go, 8 months to do it.

This is not an impossible task. 5 pounds and change a month for 8 months? This can be done, but we must remain diligent, and we are strapped in for the ride.

So, stay tuned as I resolve to update more often, do some promised food reviews and give you a look at some tools that you* can use to spruce yourself up at home, in case you can't get to, or are too embarrassed** to go to the gym.

Anyhow, I ate the hell out of some Tso last night, and that's that for that, if you know what I mean. Gonna try and not have any more for as long as I can. If I can make it to my Birthday, maybe I'll give myself a treat of some sort.

OK, let's get this year going!


*yes, you!
** I'll be addressing this one as well.