30 DAYS...

Sorry for the lack of updates.  Here’s the news right now:

1)    I got laid off

2)    Sleep apnea is no better

3)    Going for sleep study soon

4)    May have new job in sight or…

5)    I may be going back to school!

I’ll get into those in more detail but I wanted to get something going first.

So yeah, this begins my official Old Man Conroy Quit Eating Like an Asshole Challenge.  So, in case it’s not obvious, my goal is to quit eating like a complete asshole.  It’s tough, I’ve been doing it for so long.  It's comfortable, like sweatpants.

You may ask me, ”Rich, how do I know I’m eating like an asshole?”

To quote my friend Jasmine, “Oh, you know…” and she’s right.  When you go eat something crappy when you have something good at home.  When you eat that FIFTH PLATE at the buffet.  When one or more of those plates consisted of ONLY BACON.

You get the idea.

I have done the above and more.  I could do some serious damage at a buffet.

One of my big problems is I am an emotional eater.  Anything that sets me off sends me down a rabbit-hole of cookies, junk food or grease.  On really awesome days it does ALL THEREE!

Still today I am a bad day away from eating McDonald’s, a tiff with the wife away from eating at White Castle, a sleepless night away from another battle with General Tso’s insidious yet delicious forces!

I’ve almost always had weight troubles.

In grammar school I was always kinda pudgy, but frequently after getting my ass summarily handed to me in my near daily after-school beating from a group of boys in my class (and the next year up to boot!*) I’d go home, plop in front of the TV and eat an entire sleeve of Chips Ahoy! cookies.  I was never very athletic and since gym class meant competing against the same group of altar boy Neanderthals that were ambushing me on a day to day basis I sure didn’t like that much either.

High School wasn’t much better.  I stayed out of physical fights, but a lot of the jocks picked on the nerds and I was, believe it or not, a colossal nerd.  So, I of course rebelled against sports.  Why try to join what the people who hate you are doing?  I mean you don’t like me? We’ll you and your team can all get fucked for all I care.**

Wow, had I known then I was rebelling against health, I might have done it differently.

I remained about 140 pounds throughout college, so I wasn’t so much “fat as I was “doughy**.”  I had 32 inch jeans until I got out in the workforce, where I sat behind a desk.

This is why I weigh, about 260 pounds now.  The only reason I have a 38 inch waist now is I wear them under the big ol’ gut.

So there we go.  Let’s get up and get on it.  Maybe if I can get the eating thing right, I can start sleeping better, and then I can exercise.

I’m getting too old for this shit.

NEXT POST- Living the tired life with Sleep Apnea!

*Ah, Catholic School.  Where my folks paid good money to have me worked over every day like I owed money to the mob!

** Boy, I sure showed them!

*** I know, ladies but please, have some composure.

Round 2 Week 3- Ah, shit. (Attempting a repost from Monday!)

Starting weight: 264.1

Weight last week: 258.1
Current weight: 263.0
Lost this week: UP 4.9
Total lost to date: 1.1

Weight left to lose: 83

Please note, this is in US pounds.

 

Two posts in one day?  Yeah like I said the original weigh in post from Monday got all eaten up by the Internet, so here I am.

 

As far as my super crappy weigh in, I'm going to mostly blame a trip to Red Robin on my cheat day.  Not a great meal and so salty that I really think it made me retain a lot of water.  Even my wedding ring has been super tight.

 

 Today's lunch has some nice grilled chicken with a coffee-garlic rub.  Om nom and may I say nom!

I don't have a lit to say about this, because I said it all and then it got devoured. Ah well...

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So yeah, apparently the blog ate my Monday update.  This is sermi-appropriate being I myself ate like I had a hole in my neck this past week apparently.  I say "apparently" when I mean "the scale said so!"

We are experiencing technical difficulties, please stand by.

Please note, when I was a little, I would, quite literally, stand next to the TV when this notice appeared on my TV screen. 

I'm not sure what I was trying to accomplish, but I guess I thought "I don't know why they want me here, but if me doing this helps get Scooby and the Gang out of old man Crenshaw's spooky old air field, I gotta do my part!"

You don't see this very often these days.  I wonder why that is...

In unrelated news, this bloody sleep apnea business is really getting to me.  I am literally just-this-side of exhausted 99% of the time.  My back is sore, my feet are sore my hands are sore.  I assume it's because my body can't get enough rest to heal up, but I'm a little scared to be frank.

I have a doctor's appointment Friday, so let's see what's up with that.

We are experiencing technical difficulties, please stand by.

Please stand by.

Today on "This Old Man" we're going start tearing down this porch...

Regardless of the fact the I am not a homeowner as of yet,I do, sadly, possess a "front porch."  Ironically it's not the type you want to sit on and while away those warm country afternoons while whittling a woodchuck out of a nice piece of hickory*. 

 

The "front porch" I speak of is the dreaded FUPA (Foo-Pa). Otherwise known as the Fat Upper Pubic Area.  Also known by a shit ton of other, less work safe names as well.  Millions of people probably have it.  I feel like it sneaks up on you too.  Things are fine in that department until one day you look down at the, ehrm, "equipment" and think "didn't that used to be bigger?"

 

It's damned unattractive too.  It's one thing to have a gut but this is like an overstuffed down vest for your unit.  I'll pause here while you attempt to visualize this.  It's really tough, but maybe I can help.  Think of Marty McFly, but instead of Mikey J. Fox, it's a small, flaccid dong. **  Ladies have a different issuse sometimes referred to as the "gunt."  Classy, right? 

 

I mean it's the same issue, just a different look.

 

Needless to say, it has got to go.  I need to look into exercises for it, but I imagine it's all crazy lower ab shit.  I mean how else do you work it?

 

This is why you have to avoid pleated frount trousers if one has any "FUPular activity" going on. Wear a belt with that combo and it looks like you're trying to put a rubber band around a balloon.

 

LIke this kinda-

 

 

In unrelated news, I can't seem to spell to save my life today.

 

 

 

 

*Yes, Janet, I realize there's both a "sitting on it" and a wood joke in there.  I'm feeling fairly sassy today, thank you very moosh!

**It's times like these I wish I could draw, really.

Seriously, no excuses...

We have no excuses whatsoever that are valid.  None.  Not after this.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qX9FSZJu448

Normally I find Coldplay irritating, but boy does it work for me here.  Please note the room's gonna get real dusty when you watch this... 

Now I realize this is now an advert for the Diamond Dallas Page Yoga program, but, as I know from a friend of mine it works, and it works amazingly well.  I'm going to see if he'll share his story for the blog. Regardless, this is still amazing

Look at what this man accomplished.  Determination.  An unwillingness to to give up.  Also a healthy and blatant disregard for the odds.

That's what works.

Look this guy up and he's in even better shape now, by the way.

I'm going to seriously look into this program by the way.  I'll keep you posted.

ROUND 2 Week 2 Let's talk about goals, shall we?

Starting weight: 264.1

Weight last week: 259.5
Current weight: 258.1
Lost this week: 1.4
Total lost to date: 6.0

Weight left to lose: 78.1

Please note, this is in US pounds.

OK, I'll take it.  I know I had a lousy dinner yesterday (25 Burgers*, but I am glad to see it wasn't taken out on my results too much.  Probably could have lost a little more, but a loss is a loss, so we're calling it a win.

So the Burfday is rapidly a-comin', the double quad.  FORTY FOUR.  Didn't make "Sporty by Forty" but it's never too late to try hard and make something happen.  44, not 84, you know?  "Sporty by Forty" was slightly more successful than my "More 69 in 96" (which was a damn good slogan, even if none of you ladies agreed!) but I think I'll avoid a new slogan for now.  Unless I come up with obvious gold.

Anyway, I'd like to be 20 pounds down by my Natal Anniversary, and it's a little more than a month away.  14 more pounds to go.  I feel pretty good about that, actually.  I think, should I manage to do 25 pounds by then (239.1 for those of you playing at home!),  I should get myself something cool.  I'm not sure what that is yet.  Oh, maybe a nice coin for my collection!  2014 Silver Panda, I'm looking at you!

When I get to 225 (39.1 pounds down), I plan on a small tattoo.  Something cheap, and I already know what it is and I think it's a suitable reward. That's pretty much where I fell off the fat wagon the first time.

When I break 200, I want to mark it as well (in some way other than umbilical hernia surgery which should take place at that time or therebouts.)

When I hit my goal, I'm stocking up on shirts at 5dollarshirts.com and getting a nice suit.

I don't even wear suits that much, but I might if I didn't look like I ate Bill Blass when I wore them.


* It's the name of a place, I'm no completely nuts.

ROUND 2: Week 1- FIGHT

Starting weight: 264.1

Weight last week: 264.1
Current weight: 259.5
Lost this week: 4.6

Total lost to date: 4.6

Weight left to lose: 79.5

Please note, this is in US pounds. 

OK, pretty happy about this.  

Last night an the beanery a co-worker who for the purposes of this post will be called Babs, because that's her name, offered up Chinese food as a dinner solution. I declined due to wanting to weigh in today and I'm glad I did.

Onward and downward!