...and here's another reason you're fat, America!

Whilst I was picking up my coffee the other morning @ Quick Chek, my faux-rista* friend Julia told me about customers who expect to be served by the staff at the self serve coffee bar. I shook my head ruefully. She then told me of another man that morning who became completely livid when the deli workers wouldn't take his order and instructed him to enter it via their touch screen system, so it could be processed in order.

When acting like a petulant spoiled little brat didn't work, he declared “That's it, I'm going to McDonald's where I don't have to work to get my meal!” and stormed out.

Yep, pushing a few buttons to get food is too much work for this guy. Look you asshat, if it was good enough for George Fucking Jetson, I think it's probably OK for you as well.

This is another reason we're fat. Pushing buttons is too much work. Sweet Cracker Sandwich, is this what it's come to?

I mean, I bet you if he did drive to the Golden Arches, he sat in the drive-through to order and ate in the car.

Which brings me to Rich's Obvious Food Tip #1: Any food you order from your car** is, more than likely, pretty crappy for you.



*I call her a “faux-rista” because while she makes all the coffee and stocks all the accouterments and such, she does not actually serve the coffee to the customer. You do this yourself, unless you're a goddamned idiot or fresh off the turnip truck or something and can't wrap your feeble brain around the concept.


** and generally eat in your car!

Week 110- I have nothing clever to say about week 110.

Starting weight: 264.2
Weight last week: 227.2
Current weight: 226.8
Lost this week: down .4

Total lost to date: 37.4

Weight left to lose: 46.8

Well, it's not much...

Ah, who am I kidding? I expected a gain, so I'll take it.

Week 109- I am getting fatter. This is not according to plan.

Starting weight: 264.2
Weight last week: 222.1
Current weight: 227.2
Lost this week: UP FIVE POINT ONE?!?!?!

Total lost to date: 37.0

Weight left to lose: 47.2

Seriously, what in the hell is going on? I know I didn't eat that badly.

OK

Admission time.

I haven't been to the gym in over two months.

Yeah. I know. Way to fail, fatty. I'm going to get back to it this week for sure. I have to. I've been stiff and sore all week and I know it's because I am not moving like I ought to.

I'd still like to be under 200 by my birthday. Is it possible?

I say we find out!

PLEASE NOTE: This weigh in did occur on Tuesday, the normal weigh in day.

Seriously, China, I'm asking a question here...

What's with all the spam comments I have been having to filter out? Please go hawk your surely bootleg boner pills someplace else, OK?


Oh, and please stop using cadmium in kid's jewelry. Seriously, that's just goddamn irresponsible and stupid.

With love,

Your pal Rich.


PS- Tell Jackie Chan I said "hey!"

Week 108- Staying the course, thank goodness!

Starting weight: 264.2
Weight last week: 222.1
Current weight: 222.1
Lost this week: nada, but I'll take it.

Total lost to date: 42.1

Weight left to lose: 42.1

Considering I again ate the sliders at Big Ed's this week, I thought for sure I was boned, but I was OK on the scale. Now, I'm pretty sure had I not had them, I'd have gone down.

I can live with it.

Week 107- Back in the saddle, and a good bit lighter for it.

Starting weight: 264.2
Weight last week: 228.1
Current weight: 222.1
Lost this week: 6 pounds! Wooo!

Total lost to date: 42.1

Weight left to lose: 42.1

OK, how freaking odd is it I am EXACTLY at my halfway to goal?

Now, you and I know that there's no way on God's Green Earth that I am going to lose 42.1 pounds by August 27^th 2010, short of getting ebola or losing my torso or something.*

So, I shall amend my goal to be under or as close to 200 pounds by then as possible. I think now that I am back on course, I should be able to manage this. I was a little upset with myself that I didn't reach my goal by now and when I realized I wasn't going to get it done in time I got a little self-berating.

No, I'm self-deprecating to a fault, any of my friends will tell you that, but it's usually played for a laugh. Sometimes, however, I get pretty down on myself. It's only recently I have begun to recognize when I am doing it, and pull myself out of it. This is something that I seriously needed to do, and I'm still sorting it out.

Anyhow, back to the weight loss bit, eh? Quite frankly, it's about 100 degrees with 90 some percent humidity out, so standing outside is like being an a sauna, just with less shirtless old men. Urf. Seriously, cooking in the kitchen is hot. I'm totally making my own gravy over here.

I had two people tell me I was looking better this week, so that's nice. I am feeling a little better about myself, enough so that I was able to take my shirt off at the waterpark yesterday. That's something anyway.

*Dear God, this is not a request or serious suggestion. Hyperbole, baby!

We could probably end our dependence on foreign oil...

..if we drilled a hole into my GI tract and siphoned of the abundant Natural Gas deposits that are currently terrorizing my family.

Seriously, it's terrible. It's the GI Apocalypse! I have cramps, I'm so bloated that I feel like a family of schmoos* have moved into my belly. I'm bloated beyond my capacity for rational thought. This makes me very, very surly.

Then there's there's the smell.

It's like a million landfills burning in my hindquarters and gullet. Heavens above, Gromit! I take this opportunity to publicly apologize to anyone who happened to be downwind of the Superfund site that was my ass for the past 48 hours.

On the plus side, with all the trips to the International Room**, I ought to drop some weigh this week.




*Although, according to the Wiki, the plural is “Schmoon!”. Also, I learned a “nogoodnik” as an evil schmoo! Who knew?

** When you go in you're Russian, then European, and when you come out, you're Finnish!