Frosty!

What is the Sam Hill is going on? It was positively arctic in the compound this morning. Ok, it was like 59, but still, that’s an outside temperature. Remind me to tell you about the argument I had with my parents (now residing in Florida) about “outside temperatures” because it’s a hoot.

Anyway, I shivered my way through some exercise today and feel pretty good.

So my friend Janet was reading through some old entries and got to the bit about me eating the two McChicken Sandwiches and fries and prompty had a conniption fit.

“TWO SANDWICHES?” she asked in a tone that implied I told her I consumed an entire foot locker full of kittens, “AND fries!?!?!”

I was like “Uh, duh!! This is why I got fat in the first place! It’s not like one day I decided to eat a lot of bread and KA-BLAM, I became the pseudo-leviathan I am today. This is a lifetime a crappy choices finally coming to a head.

A bunch of people at work are doing the Accuweight Bead Diet. It seems crazy, but the results are completely amazing. The question is, how do you maintain your weight loss afterwards?

Also, I think I’d be a grumpy bastard if I had to eat like that.

Week 20: 257.2

Starting weight: 264.2
Weight last week: 255.8
Current weight: 257.2
Lost this week: 0 (UP 1.4)
Total lost to date: 7 pounds
Goal for this week: 2 pounds

Goal Weight: 180

Weight remaining to lose: 77.2

I wish I had better numbers to report, but what can you do? I’ll be honest with you, today I feel like I am wasting my time and yours keeping this blog. I either have to truly commit to getting myself healthy, or not. Enough of this dicking around, and enough excuses already. I was tired! I was sore! Waaah! Waaaah! So what?

So What? Your body doesn’t care that you eat when you get stressed out. It doesn’t care that you just don’t feel like going to the gym. It doesn’t really care if you’re bummed out. It doesn’t care that you were up late the night before.

If you’re not going to do the work, you are going to get fatter and fatter and your health will get worse until something awful happens. Your body is a machine and it will run until it doesn’t. It gives warning signs and whether you choose to do anything about them, or just sit around making yourself worse is your decision.

20 weeks and all I have to show for it is 7 lousy pounds? It's pretty pathetic if you ask me. I know I can do better so why don't I?

Man up, or sit the hell down. Only one of those decisions is the right one, and I need to choose.

In other news:
I got a really, really, really, short haircut and shaved off my goatee. Now, fat dudes grow goatees because we generally have a lot of chins. Sometimes we shave them off and are horribly reminded of why we grow them in the first place. It’s amazing what some hair will do for you.

I thought I looked all right before. I wasn’t Brad Pitt or anything, mind you, but I’d pass in a crowd as Gram used to say.

Now? Damn near bald, and lots of flappage. Sadly, I look like Don Rickles had sex with a Shar-Pei! Now, there’s an image to get the motor’s running, eh gals?



How you doin'?

Well, it certainly could have been worse.

I was at my sister and brother-in-law’s this weekend, and therefore:
1) Didn’t weigh myself. I never did find the scale, but after Saturday, I wasn’t going to sweat it because I
2) ate like a garbage disposal

“What the hell happened?” you may be asking. Well, I’ll tell you.

Saturday:
-three chocolate chip cookies that were so delicious they had to be eleven million calories a piece.
-A pulled pork sandwich from the farmers market in Newtown. My God, this was amazing. Courtesy of Zook’s Barbeque, by the way. It’s run by some Amish folks and everything looks and smells great. I can vouch for the pulled pork obviously. Super friendly staff and great prices as well. Please note I received nothing from them in compensation for this endorsement other than being really, really full. The Farmer’s Market in Newtown is awesome, and the food’s not badly priced either.
-I had a Stewart’s Key Lime soda with my Frisbee sized sammich as well.
-Red Robin and their accursed bottomless steak fries.
-Rita’s also equally accursed Green Apple Gelati!

Sunday:
-Waffles (not too bad, Rich. Low cal syrup too!)
-A bite of a low fat hot dog I didn’t much care for
-2 McChicken Sandwiches and a value fries coming home (I know, I know! I was weak!)
-Some Purdue Chicken Nuggets at home when doing the laundry
-And top it off with three Quick Chek cookies!

Way to go, fat-ass!!!!!

Yes, I know, what the hell was I thinking? I dunno, really, I wasn’t I suppose.

So when the scale wound up at 258 today I wasn’t surprised except I thought it’d be higher. All the running about seems to have kept me from becoming a complete freaking behemoth.


Oh then to top it all off, I come in to this:

Damn it, Carolyn! I love Reese's! The Winter Eating Season has begun! I'm so not psyched!


Oh, Lilo and Stitch is pretty good too, in case you were wondering...

Holy crap, it's 10:30 at night, and Oatmeal is busy!

The boy's not asleep yet, and I never updated this thing!

Today's was 257.4 so up a little.

Didn't work today so I am a tad dehydrated as I never drink enough water at home.

Busy, busy weekend coming up! I will update this as much as I can.

The "oatmeal is busy" line is something my mother in law said that I though was funny (she's picking out countertops...)

That's that. Time to put the boy in the pack n play and watch Lilo and Stitch.

nothing much to say today

257.4

I initially typed that as “157.4” which obviously would mean:

* I was attacked by zombies who only half finished the job
* I was an assistant in a VERY BAD magic act
* Atomic diarrhea


Nope, just poor typing!

The Late Update

258.1 Today

Salt? Maybe. Might have something to do with the bagel and donut I had yesterday. Yep, just might Carbs, and I know bagels are salty, so there you go.

Anyhoo, had a short band practice yesterday. It was fun, and I honestly forgot how bloody heavy my Les Paul was. Holy mackerel! I thought we sounded pretty good, and we should make a good showing next week.

Week 19: 255.8

Starting weight: 264.2
Weight last week: 255.7
Current weight: 255.8
Lost this week: 0 (+.1! I’m going to call that damn near even. I mean, .1? That could be a loogie. Heck I could blow my nose and lose that.)
Total lost to date: 8.4 pounds
Goal for this week: 2 pounds

Goal Weight: 180

Weight remaining to lose: 75.8


Well, that was an interesting week, no? Up and down like budget elevator operator, only to end up pretty much right where we were before. Who’da thunk it?

What’s funny is I feel slimmer. Not a whole lot, but some, and kids, let me tell you I will take it! like Obama, I am also running on a “redistribution” platform. Fat to muscle I guess, eh? Maybe a little.

Here’s a little fun fact. You hear all the time when you’re trying to lose weight that “muscle weighs more than fat.” This is malapropism. A pound is a pound whether it’s fat, muscle, marbles, ice cubes, ball bearings, designer shoes, two-penny nails, pickles, fish tank gravel, clowns or bacon.* Muscle is bulkier, and the correct way to say it is “muscle is heavier by volume than fat. Basically if I was to give you a bucket with a pound of muscle and one with a pound of fat the fat bucket would be more full. Also, you’d have to ask yourself “What the hell is this guy doing with buckets of fat and muscle?” I know, I just freaked myself out a little, too!

This is why two people of the same weight can look radically different. It’s not all about the weight, but more about how much fat your body has. Someone my weight with my fat content (I think looks doughy. Someone my weight with like 19% or 20% body fat would look like Thor or something.

Oh, by the way, there is one way to win the old “which is heavier” question. That is, is it a pound of feathers or a pound of gold?

The feathers weigh more, actually. You see, gold is measured on the Troy scale and a pound of gold has only 12 troy ounces. I wopuldn’t advise trying to win money with this one, as although a pound is a pound, this one will likely get you a pound-ing!

See you all tomorrow!


P.S. I just realized I forgot to bring a banana to work with me. That’s annoying as I look forward to my 12 noon-nanner!



*Yeah, that was gloriously random, wasn’t it? Ah, I really needed that!

255.8

yep, 255.8

All right, this is starting to get interesting.* Will I be the same tomorrow as last week? Up? Down?

My guess is I may be slightly lower. I had a busy weekend, that’s for sure, so maybe, maybe, maybe.

I’ll be busy tonight as well, as the laundry monster must be vanquished.

I have excessively dry lips for the past two or three days. It’s strange.

Oh, some people were interested in the change total. It was $33.24! Nice.



*Well, it’s getting interesting for me, that’s for sure. I’m hoping you’re staying interested as well. According to the site stats it’s a “Maybe.” I’m guessing maybe people didn’t realize I posted on Saturday AND Sunday this weekend!

Sunday, Busy Sunday

256.9

I am very busy, so musings and whatnot will have to wait until tomorrow.

Two cool things though:

I managed to get the Criterion Robocop on DVD for a buck yesterday, and off set that by finding tons of change in our parking lot.

Here's the pile! Or piles as the case was after washing the crud off it!

Holy crap! AKA Look he's Posting on Saturday!

Well I did say I was going to weigh myself every day for 2 weeks so I am.

258

Same as yesterday. Whodathunkit?

It's pretty cold here this morning, and, as I live in an apartment and beholden to the man, I don't think we have heat yet. Don't know what we're gonna do today, but i have a sneaking suspicion it'll be warmer outside than it is in here. If we go to the flea market, look for the still fat (but dashingly handsome) dude pushing the cute kid around...

Also, I did not have White Castle Pulled Pork yesterday. I had a crummy Lean Cuisine instead. Here are the results of the Sesame Chicken:


It wasn't bad, but it certainly wasn't all that good either.

Pulled Pork, at, of all places...

White Castle.

Now, my friend Grath (he sings for the Steinways. http://www.myspace.com/thesteinways. Check ‘em out, they are super catchy and swear like longshoremen) swears they are good, but I am not convinced. Since starting the Sporty by Forty Initiative I have noticed that most fast food tastes different to me.

For instance:

• I was stressing out quite badly yesterday and I had McDonalds for breakfast. I don’t know if it was just prepared badly or I am off McD’s (I’m hoping the latter frankly) but it was awful
• Had a couple French fries from there recently as well. Not like I remember them at all. The McChicken was OK, but nothing special.
• Haven’t had any Burger King in a long time.
• We went to Wendy’s recently and I got the Asian chicken salad and that was really good.
• White Castle, on the other hand tasted exactly the same last time I had it (which, admittedly, was some time ago.)

That’s either a testament to the quality of food* served at the Castle, or my taste buds are still not normal.


Oh the weigh in was 258 today.



*Yes, I’m serious, shut up!

WOOT!

The verdict is in:

Dirty brakes+low tire pressure+free oil change card=no charge for the mechanic=God likes me!

Also, I did not eat cookies, brownies and assorted other nummies.

I wonder if I'll be up or down tomorrow...

Emotionally, up, yes, but I meant in CF*



*Chubbulence Factor

Bloated and touchy. And not the good kind of touchy, like "touchy-feely" either!

I hate the scale, or rather, I hate that a day to day fluctuation can make me as mad as it did this morning.

259.8 That’s TWO HUNDRED AND FIFTY NINE POINT EIGHT! Damn, blast and double damn!

Seriously, five goddamn pounds!?!?!?! In one day?!?!?!?! Man, that’s really annoying. I realize it’s due to some stress induced consumption of baked goods last night, but that doesn’t make it any less annoying, does it? It must be water retention for the most part, because I feel a little bloated. If I could only lose say 8 gallons of water I’d be well along the road to recovery!

FURTHER ANNOYANCES:


AUTO SHOP

My car is in the shop. I think it’s my wheel bearing, which was replaced a year ago. Or it’s my axle, which was replaced in March. It could be the tie rod (doubtful) which was replaced in July. Or it could be a brand new thing that is going to cost too much bloody money. Tom Petty said “The waiting is the hardest part,” but I call shenanigans. I have the feeling that the longer they take to call you, the more it will cost. In my mind, every hour they wait equates to approximately 100.00 plus tax. The fact that their hourly labor rate is NINETY FIVE FRICKING DOLLARS AN HOUR is probably a coincidence, right? I have no scientific evidence to back that up but who cares? Everyone knows 78.6 percent of statistics are completely made up!*

Really!**

Man, sometimes I wish I took the bus.

Well, I’m sure as soon as I find out how much this is going to cost I’ll be back screaming about it. Get ready!



BOSSES DAY (a food annoyance)

There’s a hell of a lot of food here today, not a whole lot of it is anything I ought to be eating. My boss, bless him, has the metabolism of a hummingbird on speed and 26 Red Bulls. Conversely, I have the metabolism of a slug on downers. Fortunately, some one brought in a veggie platter so I can eat eleven tons of celery instead of the freakishly large and thick cookies. Admittedly, they look delicious, but I am tired of being large and thick myself. No cookies for you***!





* Actually, it’s probably higher than that, seeing as I just made that statistic up myself.

** No, not really…

***You of course, meaning “me.” You, dear reader, can have as many as you like. Unless you’re trying to shape up too! If that’s the case, no cookies for you, either.

Wednesday weigh ins and woes...

Today’s weight- 255

Aside from this morning’s weigh-in of 255 (!)pounds and the fact that I can now wear my red Polo shirt once more (HUZZAH!), Wednesday is not shaping up to be all that great. I’m tired, my stomach is a might funny, I’m out of those little packets you put in your water bottle to make iced tea or whatever, and to top it all off, I have spilled a bottle of Aquafina on my desk.

Don’t worry too much, because luckily I managed to absorb most of the spill with my pants.

Lovely. Nothing makes the day seem brighter than damp trousers!

Please note, massive Ebay push coming up this week. I’ll keep you posted.

Well, I got my ticket to the final ERGS! show. Sad to see the end of an era.

Week 18: 255.7

Starting weight: 264.2
Weight last week: 259.4
Current weight: 255.7
Lost this week: 3.7
Total lost to date: 8.5 pounds
Goal for this week: 2 pounds

Goal Weight: 180

Weight remaining to lose: 75.7

Ok, on the one hand I am pleased as punch that I managed to nearly double my goal of two pounds. On the other hand, my usual pattern of being slightly higher on the scale on Tuesdays as opposed to Mondays (based on an admittedly completely random pre-weigh-in campaign) so I can’t help but go “huh?!?!”

The funny thing is I actually feel thinner this week. I mean I am thinner so maybe it’s not all that funny or odd. I noticed my button down shirts felt a little looser this weekend, and that was nice.

So, let’s talk about where I want to be and when. August 27th, 2010 is the deadline for this whole shebang, but really here’s a couple of things coming up I’d like to make as milestones

1) My band is playing two shows. One is mischief night, the other is the Saturday before Thanksgiving. I’d lurve to be down say, 20 pounds total by then! However, I know from what I speak when I say I’m not going to set myself up for a crushing disappointment like I did around my birthday. So, here’s what I’m saying. 15 pounds by November 22nd. This will be a sliding scale so that if I hit 15 before then I’ll adjust upwards accordingly*.
2) Christmas. Do I go all sentimental and say “25 by the 25th?” ** Perhaps. This is penciled in.
3) My kid’s natal anniversary in April. I can’t even tell you what I want to be at that far ahead in the future.

In theory, I want to have lost 40 pounds total by my birthday, 2009. I mean that’s the halfway mark, so really, that’s primarily poetic horse puckey rather than a “realistic goal.” Sometimes, we need slogans and poetic horse puckey though, right?


ENDNOTES:

I used to do these in a column I wrote for e-crap.com years ago. Maybe they should come back!

Here’s a funny blog I just discovered.
http://www.spillingcoffee.com/

I’m going to add him to the links on the right, but figured I mention it anyhoo. Also, my friend Jay writes this one
http://www.musicalsauce.blogspot.com/



*I never know how to write directionally for this blog, if you catch what I mean. You know, you want to lose weight, so are you adjusting goals down, or are you adjusting it up because you want to lose more weight? I’m sure Mr. Berman (one of my favorite HS English teachers) could straighten me out.

**Yes, I am awesome at slogans, thank you for noticing. Sporty By Forty, 25 by the 25th. You get the idea. I hope to have more luck with some of these than my less then successful “More 69 in ‘96” campaign, which resulted in exactly no 69 in ’96.

Man, I sure do love bacon...

Never have truer words been spoken, by this, or any other man. I was having some turkey bacon last night, and was thinking that it’s been a good long while since I have had any real, actual bacon. The turkey bacon was good though.

So, day one of my 2 week experiment. I’m gonna weigh myself every day for two weeks, and try to see when the best day for weigh in. I know you all have Tuesdays marked on your calendar, but sometimes we need to make changes. Granted, these changes are purely to make me feel better, but whatever we can do to help would be great, right?

So, today’s number is as follows:

256.8

That’s pretty good. Damn near three pounds. Let’s see what tomorrow will bring though, shall we?

People at work...

There’s a ton of people losing weight in my office currently. Some have been incredibly dramatic, and some sort of sneak up on you. You know what I mean, you see them every day or so and one day it’s like “Hey! Are you losing weight?” and they are and you can pay them a nice compliment. As long as they don’t say “Why yes, I am thanks! I see you’re still a buffalo in Khakis and a polo shirt*” or something, it’s a nice moment.

It’s also nice inspiration. You know what I mean, along the lines of “Well, if so-and-so can do it, there’s no reason for me to still be fat!” and that’s true. Sometimes I just need to realize that, you know? It’s a tough road, and the easy thing to do is to stop, sit down, and eat 26 Fun Size candy bars. Believe me, I know!

I asked my friend Stephanie how much she though I weighed and she pegged me at 235-240. Thank you, ma’am! (I wish you were right but I’ll take what I can get right now!)

We were also discussing weigh in days, and one woman said “Mondays are the worst, but hey, it keeps me honest!” Quite frankly, Mondays seem to be a better day for me. I’m generally far lighter (ok, a pound or so, not anything nutty!) on Monday then I am on Tuesday. I think, starting this Monday I’m gonna weigh myself everyday and see what the flux is going on. Yes, that’s an awful pun. You’re welcome.

You know, if I could only lose weight like that Dow Jones fellow, I’d be dead sexy already!





*The other day, I fully felt like a large grazing mammal in business casual, for sure.

Week 17: 259.4

Starting weight: 264.2
Weight last week: 258.0
Current weight: 259.4
Lost this week: 0 (UP AGAIN! 1.4!)
Total lost to date: 4.8 pounds
Goal for this week: 2 pounds

Goal Weight: 180

Weight remaining to lose: 79.4

OK, I admit it, I'm starting to lose heart here.

I really need to get back on the treadmill and get my fat ass running again.

Ripped off!

So I have been using the Perfect Pushups for a while and it’s getting a little easier. I shall soon graduate to big-boy pushups! One thing struck me while I was doing them this morning though. I have heard the expression that someone dropped down and “ripped off a series of pushups.” Mind you the only way I was gonna rip off some pushups was to shove a Good Humor box under my shirt at the Stop & Shop.

This morning on my third set I ripped off ten in a row, dammit, and I ripped ‘em off good! Seriously, BAM! BAM! BAM! BAM! BAM! BAM! BAM! BAM! BAM! BAM!. I stopped and was pretty stunned.
Then I did it again! Holy crap!

Be sure to tune in again when I switch to big-boy pushups and suck again! Hooray!

Oh, sorry for the misleading title by the way.