Rain, rain, go away!

Well, it’s raining and people are driving like absolute asshats. The amount of rampant stupidity witnessed in my home state of NJ once the rain starts a-fallin’ in is mind numbing. It’s like these people have never seen rain before.

“Well, honey, it was a nice sunny day, but now those grey, cottony looking things are blocking the sun.”

“Carl, I’m scared!”

“Don’t worry honey, it’ll be…What the devil is this?!?!?! Water?!?!?! Sheila! It’s water! Water is falling from the sky!

“Oh no, Carl! What will we do!?!?!”

“I don’t know! Wait, I have an idea! I’ll try changing lanes at random without using any signals…”

“Is it working?!?! My eyes are closed!”

“No, no, it’s just coming down harder! I don’t understand it! I’ve slowed down to 20 miles an hour and randomly changed lanes. I’ve kept the headlights off! It’s no good! Sheila, I think it what we’ve always feared…the End Times…

“The Rapture! Take us home, Jesus!!!” (cue screeching tires…)

Seriously, it’s like they found a tribe of lost prehistoric desert nomads and just set them on the roads in cars to see what would happen. Meanwhile, I just want to get back to the office without hitting someone.

For crying out loud you chuckle-heads, it’s rain. Out of the huge list of stuff falling out of the sky that would make driving much more difficult*, a little water is waaaaaaay down on the list. I could understand people driving like cracked-out zoo monkeys if it were, say, toads or a rain of Holy, cleansing fire, or something, but this is a pretty regular occurrence here in the Garden State. These are the people who, the minute any sort of Tropical Storm/Hurricane/Blizzard or whatever get predicted, buy up all the milk, bread and eggs in a 6 mile radius from their home. How much French Toast do you need, people?

Anyway, I expect a little downward trend A.K.A. actual weight loss this week because a previously tight shirt is now fitting much more loosely, and that’s pretty exciting.

Have a good weekend and try to get out while you still can. It’s supposed to be super nice, so get out there before it becomes cold, windy and snowy. Then we’ll really see some driving!





*I believe the following things, falling from the sky, would be valid excuses for driving like a jackass:
(Please note: this is not a complete list)

• Toads
• Holy Cleansing Fire
• Blood
• Ketchup
• Hamburgers
• Naked ladies
• Those really big hardcover books that are always on discount at the front of Borders.
• Hardcore Pornography (it’s not so much the magazines and DVDs, but the stream of 14 year old boys darting out into traffic trying to grab them. That would probably apply to the naked ladies too now I get to thinking about it…)
• Your mom
• My mom
• The 1977 Dallas Cowboys
• Actual cowboys
• 112,000 autographed 8x10 glossy photographs of a shirtless Ed Asner.