Wow, long post yesterday. Whatever will I do when BL is off the air? What should it be on Wednesday? Perhaps an inspirational word to get you over “Hump Day?” I don’t know if even I’m that cliché.*
OK, I’m going to get a little personal, and it involves the bathroom. It’s not terribly gross and there are no pictures, and it’s just kind of…odd.
Ready? Ok, then.
How can I put this delicately?
OK, here we go…So, I’m taking a leak this morning (see, that? It can be done! Way to go, Johnny Class!) and I swear to you I caught a whiff of beer. Yes, beer. I am not really sure how this could have happened, as I have not had a beer since the last Grover Kent show in November of 2008. As I see it, a few things could be the culprit:
1) Someone could have been there before me, and left some Bud-whizzer (yeah, I’m sorry) in the urinal, but I did the preflush. Then again, maybe this is what stirred up the odd stink.
2) Perhaps I am eating the proper ingredients to micro-brew (shut up, you!) a batch of beer in my bladder somehow**.
3) There’s a glitch in the Matrix
I’m going with #1***, possibly #3, although if it is number three, this will not be posted. The machines are always watching…
Well, that’s that. I’m going to leave you with this:
A friend of mine, who we shall call, oh let’s see…Countess Ruby Conchita de Fabuloso is also doing Weight Watchers. When wished “good luck” for her weekly meeting, she uttered the immortal line “First rule of Fat Club is don’t talk about Fat Club!”
I know you’re supposed to share and have support, but I found it damned funny.
That’s all, see you later!
* Who the hell am I kidding? Of course I am!
** I mean, if I could, I would, if only to get on TV. There’s got to me some money to be made there, right? Almost all the steps are there:
1) eat beer components (this should be step 1b. 1a should be “Figure out what to eat in order to whiz beer!”)
2) using the power of Science!, brew beer in bladder
3) ?????
4) Profit!
*** Inadvertent pee-pee joke! Hey-o!
Thursday, April 30, 2009
Wednesday, April 29, 2009
Dammit, Filipe! Now I have something in my eye! Shut up, I'm not crying!
Sorry for the delayed update, kids. I had the short man home yesterday so there really wasn’t time to put together a really great entry. I really feel bad because I see a boatload of people checked in yesterday, well at least for my blog it was a pretty high traffic day.
Yeah, so in case you couldn’t tell by my title, Filipe went home. Sort of expected, and now the final four consists of Ron, Mike, Helen and Tara. Filipe doing his inspirational bit for his people at home really touched me. Good for him.
The challenge was based on week one’s sand pile gag. Only this time, they did 16 of them, with a bag full of the weight they lost. At the crest of each hill they ditched what they lost that week on campus. Then at the end, they were to pitch the bag over the edge of the last hill. Tara, of course, won, but I was worried. She had a great 1st week, then only 1 pound week 2 and I said to my wife, “Man, one pound! Hills #2 and 3 are going to be damn near identical for her…”
And hey, Ron completed another one, with a little help.
A lot of folks are pretty upset that Tara keeps winning challenges, but you know what? She’s not half-assing them, and she’s delivering the goods, full on. Is she smug? Maybe a little. Does she have the right to be? Yeah, maybe a little! She does the work, plain and simple. I think a lot of people get upset when someone wins all the time, but hey, life is like that. Sometime the underdog comes out and surprises you (Susan Boyle, anyone?) but sometimes, the winner is the best player! (GASP!)
Let’s face it, the all the players really banged out some impressive figures this week (and I don’t just mean the nearly flat tummies on some of them):
Ron - 9
Filipe - 10
Helen - 7
Mike - 11
Tara - 8
However, when Ron and Filipe were put up for elimination, they wisely chose to put Filipe out. I truly think he could have done it. He was finally really, really fired up about it. It was nice to see him holding classes in his backyard for his family and friends, and his Greatest Woo-Hoos montage was wonderful to see. He has done what he set out to do
Before the Last Chance workout they had Train the Trainer and let me tell you, it was great. Say what you want about how much of a hard-ass Jillian is*, but watching her try not to laugh running on the treadmill as Tara tried to pull her off was quite amusing.
On the other hand, Ron and Filipe beat the ever-lovin’ snot out of Bob in one of the best montages of the whole show. He was wringing wet by the end and as bad as he was hurting, you could tell he loved it.
At one point, I was actually a little frightened of Filipe, where he’s all angry looking and sweaty. I was thinking “there is a man not to be messed with!” He’s a pretty intense dude.
Quote of the episode:
Mike- “''So far, my dad has played this game masterfully. He's playing chess. Everyone else is playing checkers.''
Mike’s right. He and Tara are the power players, and I think it’s gonna be either of them. Meanwhile, Ron and Helen round out the Final Four. Let me just say this, Ron is a bigger threat than a lot of people realize. He’s been pulling in consistently big numbers now and now that he has gotten so much weight off of him, it’s getting easier. He said it himself last night that things were getting easier. He’s actually a much stronger contender than people give him credit for.
I’m staring to think Helen is nuttier than squirrel poo. Her whole “I have no loyalty to Ron or Filipe” thing killed me. You sent your own kid home. Twice! Jeez Louise, lady, you say you’re finally doing something for yourself, but it seems to me you’ve been doing that for some time.
I still think they are dragging it out making the show 2 hours, and so many weeks. If your show is 2 hours, maybe focus more on food prep, or more simple exercises we fatties can do at home. Enough of the “we have come so far” inspirational montages, already. We get it, you’re in better shape! How about a nice salad recipe or something?
Two more weeks to go. Man alive…
Addendum:
Fellow Weight Watchers! Here’s a snazzy points finder I found online.
http://www.webmilhouse.com/pointcalc.php
Enjoy!
*I see many comments online that she is “mean” which, to me, is such a “girl” insult. Before all you ladies get all bent out of shape, I'll explain. You will never hear a dude over the age of say, ten, ever say “wow, that guy is mean!” Nope. Not gonna happen. Girls will tell you people are mean. Guys will say, “Man, that guy is a total dick!” or "She's a bitch" but will never tell you someone’s “mean.”**
** Please not, no one I have seen has called Jillian a bitch either, so there's that to ponder as well.
Yeah, so in case you couldn’t tell by my title, Filipe went home. Sort of expected, and now the final four consists of Ron, Mike, Helen and Tara. Filipe doing his inspirational bit for his people at home really touched me. Good for him.
The challenge was based on week one’s sand pile gag. Only this time, they did 16 of them, with a bag full of the weight they lost. At the crest of each hill they ditched what they lost that week on campus. Then at the end, they were to pitch the bag over the edge of the last hill. Tara, of course, won, but I was worried. She had a great 1st week, then only 1 pound week 2 and I said to my wife, “Man, one pound! Hills #2 and 3 are going to be damn near identical for her…”
And hey, Ron completed another one, with a little help.
A lot of folks are pretty upset that Tara keeps winning challenges, but you know what? She’s not half-assing them, and she’s delivering the goods, full on. Is she smug? Maybe a little. Does she have the right to be? Yeah, maybe a little! She does the work, plain and simple. I think a lot of people get upset when someone wins all the time, but hey, life is like that. Sometime the underdog comes out and surprises you (Susan Boyle, anyone?) but sometimes, the winner is the best player! (GASP!)
Let’s face it, the all the players really banged out some impressive figures this week (and I don’t just mean the nearly flat tummies on some of them):
Ron - 9
Filipe - 10
Helen - 7
Mike - 11
Tara - 8
However, when Ron and Filipe were put up for elimination, they wisely chose to put Filipe out. I truly think he could have done it. He was finally really, really fired up about it. It was nice to see him holding classes in his backyard for his family and friends, and his Greatest Woo-Hoos montage was wonderful to see. He has done what he set out to do
Before the Last Chance workout they had Train the Trainer and let me tell you, it was great. Say what you want about how much of a hard-ass Jillian is*, but watching her try not to laugh running on the treadmill as Tara tried to pull her off was quite amusing.
On the other hand, Ron and Filipe beat the ever-lovin’ snot out of Bob in one of the best montages of the whole show. He was wringing wet by the end and as bad as he was hurting, you could tell he loved it.
At one point, I was actually a little frightened of Filipe, where he’s all angry looking and sweaty. I was thinking “there is a man not to be messed with!” He’s a pretty intense dude.
Quote of the episode:
Mike- “''So far, my dad has played this game masterfully. He's playing chess. Everyone else is playing checkers.''
Mike’s right. He and Tara are the power players, and I think it’s gonna be either of them. Meanwhile, Ron and Helen round out the Final Four. Let me just say this, Ron is a bigger threat than a lot of people realize. He’s been pulling in consistently big numbers now and now that he has gotten so much weight off of him, it’s getting easier. He said it himself last night that things were getting easier. He’s actually a much stronger contender than people give him credit for.
I’m staring to think Helen is nuttier than squirrel poo. Her whole “I have no loyalty to Ron or Filipe” thing killed me. You sent your own kid home. Twice! Jeez Louise, lady, you say you’re finally doing something for yourself, but it seems to me you’ve been doing that for some time.
I still think they are dragging it out making the show 2 hours, and so many weeks. If your show is 2 hours, maybe focus more on food prep, or more simple exercises we fatties can do at home. Enough of the “we have come so far” inspirational montages, already. We get it, you’re in better shape! How about a nice salad recipe or something?
Two more weeks to go. Man alive…
Addendum:
Fellow Weight Watchers! Here’s a snazzy points finder I found online.
http://www.webmilhouse.com/pointcalc.php
Enjoy!
*I see many comments online that she is “mean” which, to me, is such a “girl” insult. Before all you ladies get all bent out of shape, I'll explain. You will never hear a dude over the age of say, ten, ever say “wow, that guy is mean!” Nope. Not gonna happen. Girls will tell you people are mean. Guys will say, “Man, that guy is a total dick!” or "She's a bitch" but will never tell you someone’s “mean.”**
** Please not, no one I have seen has called Jillian a bitch either, so there's that to ponder as well.
Week 46- 252.9 odd really...
Starting weight: 264.2
Weight last week: 252.0
Current weight: 252.9
Lost this week: 0
Total lost to date: 11.3
Goal for this week: 2 pounds
Goal Weight: 180
Weight remaining to lose: 72.9*
This weigh in occurred Tuesday. I was home with my son, so I didn't have time to do a proper update. Stay tuned later today for my Biggest loser Update!
Anyway, I started Weight Watchers and actually went up. hrm. Now, the last time I did this I had a gain week one and a big ol' loss week two so lets cross our fingers, shall we?
*Hey look at that. My math was wrong for two weeks. Ah well, at least I got a cheap sex joke out of it...
Weight last week: 252.0
Current weight: 252.9
Lost this week: 0
Total lost to date: 11.3
Goal for this week: 2 pounds
Goal Weight: 180
Weight remaining to lose: 72.9*
This weigh in occurred Tuesday. I was home with my son, so I didn't have time to do a proper update. Stay tuned later today for my Biggest loser Update!
Anyway, I started Weight Watchers and actually went up. hrm. Now, the last time I did this I had a gain week one and a big ol' loss week two so lets cross our fingers, shall we?
*Hey look at that. My math was wrong for two weeks. Ah well, at least I got a cheap sex joke out of it...
Monday, April 27, 2009
It’s a matter of taste.
They say, if you want people to come to your blog, you need to provide a reason. Generally that would mean nudity. As this is a blog about me trying to get in shape, nudity is not only inappropriate, but a frightening thought from the get go.
Thus, in the effort to "provide content," I give you:
A list of foods that I have a near irrational hatred of, akin to my near panic-level dislike of spiders*.
Cheese- my hatred of cheese is nigh the Stuff of Legend. I hate cheese like Hitler, or like McCarthy hated Commies. Cheese is my Kryptonite. Seriously, eff cheese.
Mayonnaise- really, what is the purpose of this alleged condiment? Anyone? It tastes awful, it’s awful for you and smells like jock itch.
Eggs- I will eat them in a jam, but I have to be remarkably hungry and the only other food option would be “hungry.” The smell of scrambled eggs is right up there, or down there actually, with mayonnaise.
Here are some foods I am currently on the fence about:
Broccoli- last time I had it, it gave me horrendous stomach issues. I recently re-tried some in a frozen thing I was eating and, truth be told, it wasn’t bad but it also wasn’t amazing or anything
Actually that might be all I’m on the fence about right now.
Here are some foods I have come to see the light on:
Yogurt- for some thirty years I avoided this, like an idiot. Now I have at least a cup a day
Wheat Bread- Admittedly, no kid likes wheat bread. At least I didn’t. Maybe because my mom always bought Wonder bread or Rye. Man did I hate Rye bread. Came around in my late 20s. Wheat bread, or even Multi- or 7 Grain bread is terrific. Rye is still hit or miss. I probably could have put it in the “fence” column, I suppose.
Almonds- Pronounced by my mom as “ah-mends.” I frigging hated these things when I was a kid when they would ruin a perfectly good Hershey bar. Now I love them like pancakes.
Sweet Potatoes- They got me with the fries, and then I was sold.
Finally, Bananas- Yes, I had always hated them for their texture, but now they are right up there in the "Gotta have em everyday" line like yogurt.
*Man, do I ever hate spiders. Mind you, I don’t generally kill them, unless they get in my way. You know, like Kim Jong Il and, well, anybody who gets in his way! Also, if you're big and hairy, you gotta go as well. Sorry.
Thus, in the effort to "provide content," I give you:
A list of foods that I have a near irrational hatred of, akin to my near panic-level dislike of spiders*.
Cheese- my hatred of cheese is nigh the Stuff of Legend. I hate cheese like Hitler, or like McCarthy hated Commies. Cheese is my Kryptonite. Seriously, eff cheese.
Mayonnaise- really, what is the purpose of this alleged condiment? Anyone? It tastes awful, it’s awful for you and smells like jock itch.
Eggs- I will eat them in a jam, but I have to be remarkably hungry and the only other food option would be “hungry.” The smell of scrambled eggs is right up there, or down there actually, with mayonnaise.
Here are some foods I am currently on the fence about:
Broccoli- last time I had it, it gave me horrendous stomach issues. I recently re-tried some in a frozen thing I was eating and, truth be told, it wasn’t bad but it also wasn’t amazing or anything
Actually that might be all I’m on the fence about right now.
Here are some foods I have come to see the light on:
Yogurt- for some thirty years I avoided this, like an idiot. Now I have at least a cup a day
Wheat Bread- Admittedly, no kid likes wheat bread. At least I didn’t. Maybe because my mom always bought Wonder bread or Rye. Man did I hate Rye bread. Came around in my late 20s. Wheat bread, or even Multi- or 7 Grain bread is terrific. Rye is still hit or miss. I probably could have put it in the “fence” column, I suppose.
Almonds- Pronounced by my mom as “ah-mends.” I frigging hated these things when I was a kid when they would ruin a perfectly good Hershey bar. Now I love them like pancakes.
Sweet Potatoes- They got me with the fries, and then I was sold.
Finally, Bananas- Yes, I had always hated them for their texture, but now they are right up there in the "Gotta have em everyday" line like yogurt.
*Man, do I ever hate spiders. Mind you, I don’t generally kill them, unless they get in my way. You know, like Kim Jong Il and, well, anybody who gets in his way! Also, if you're big and hairy, you gotta go as well. Sorry.
Wednesday, April 22, 2009
Good Night, Dark Horse...
Well, it looks like the Biggest Loser just got a lot less interesting.
My Dark Horse Candidate, Kristin, was sent home last night due to some fine backstabbery by Ron and Mike. She and Helen came up as the two for elimination. Ron promised Kristin and her mother that he would never write her name down, and he didn’t. He just had Mike do it.
Wow. You know, I never got the Ron hate before, but I can see why people dislike him, now. Bob has to be pissed because he only has 2 teammates left, and I just don’t think Felipe is going to win. I missed the very end where Ron was like “Mike is going to win” and the looks on the other’s faces. If I were them, I’d get rid of Mike first, if possible, because Ron is not a true threat. All Ron did was paint an enormous target on his son, and, I am sad to say, I think it’s gonna bite him in the ass.
Where is the Mike that gave up a year of food to Aubrey? I have every belief Mike could have beaten Kristin in a fair fight, 9 out of 10 times.
Mind you, Kristin gained weight. They practically told you it was gonna happen with the whole "Bob watches the Food Journal" bit. Now, I also think her calling Mike a coward at the end of the show was poor form. At this point, you can see the money, and it’s about gameplay. You have no friends on that ranch right now other than your trainer. OK, Mike and Ron have each other but that’d be it.
I’m finally annoyed by Helen. I think it will be shameful if at the finale her daughter is still heavy and she’s all proud of herself for having her “new life” while her daughter remains fat. When she was all crying to Tara to give up on the challenge so she could split the money with her, knowing full well she was gonna take the pound, I was furious. It’s not all about you. You need to get over the loser mentality. I did find her getting mad at Felipe hysterical, though.
Kudos to Jillian for slapping Tara with the cold fish of reality about sending her friend home. Kudos to Bob for railing his team for not eating enough, and killing with the line of the night “What are you gonna have for dinner? Ice? Lettuce cups full of nothing?!?!?!”
Kudos to Tara for taking 10K instead of the pound because she believed in herself! What made me nuts is that she’s like “That will pay my first and last month’s rent…” I know she lives in NY but come on! I see a lot of people calling her “smug” on line and not liking her, but I don’t get it. Yeah, she wins challenges, week after week by being focused and doing what she needs to do and working hard as hell, the same as Mike. She has stayed in the game despite having everyone target her. Mike is well liked, but that may have changed after last night.
I am, however, starting to really hate the 2 hour format. At this point I feel like they are stretching it out a little too much.
Also, what is the deal with Kristin’s hometown? All the women have the same haircut?!?! It like the Cleveland Stepford Society or something…
My Dark Horse Candidate, Kristin, was sent home last night due to some fine backstabbery by Ron and Mike. She and Helen came up as the two for elimination. Ron promised Kristin and her mother that he would never write her name down, and he didn’t. He just had Mike do it.
Wow. You know, I never got the Ron hate before, but I can see why people dislike him, now. Bob has to be pissed because he only has 2 teammates left, and I just don’t think Felipe is going to win. I missed the very end where Ron was like “Mike is going to win” and the looks on the other’s faces. If I were them, I’d get rid of Mike first, if possible, because Ron is not a true threat. All Ron did was paint an enormous target on his son, and, I am sad to say, I think it’s gonna bite him in the ass.
Where is the Mike that gave up a year of food to Aubrey? I have every belief Mike could have beaten Kristin in a fair fight, 9 out of 10 times.
Mind you, Kristin gained weight. They practically told you it was gonna happen with the whole "Bob watches the Food Journal" bit. Now, I also think her calling Mike a coward at the end of the show was poor form. At this point, you can see the money, and it’s about gameplay. You have no friends on that ranch right now other than your trainer. OK, Mike and Ron have each other but that’d be it.
I’m finally annoyed by Helen. I think it will be shameful if at the finale her daughter is still heavy and she’s all proud of herself for having her “new life” while her daughter remains fat. When she was all crying to Tara to give up on the challenge so she could split the money with her, knowing full well she was gonna take the pound, I was furious. It’s not all about you. You need to get over the loser mentality. I did find her getting mad at Felipe hysterical, though.
Kudos to Jillian for slapping Tara with the cold fish of reality about sending her friend home. Kudos to Bob for railing his team for not eating enough, and killing with the line of the night “What are you gonna have for dinner? Ice? Lettuce cups full of nothing?!?!?!”
Kudos to Tara for taking 10K instead of the pound because she believed in herself! What made me nuts is that she’s like “That will pay my first and last month’s rent…” I know she lives in NY but come on! I see a lot of people calling her “smug” on line and not liking her, but I don’t get it. Yeah, she wins challenges, week after week by being focused and doing what she needs to do and working hard as hell, the same as Mike. She has stayed in the game despite having everyone target her. Mike is well liked, but that may have changed after last night.
I am, however, starting to really hate the 2 hour format. At this point I feel like they are stretching it out a little too much.
Also, what is the deal with Kristin’s hometown? All the women have the same haircut?!?! It like the Cleveland Stepford Society or something…
Tuesday, April 21, 2009
Houston, We Have a Problem!
There’s Chipwiches in the new vending machine!
Sonnavabitch! I love me a Chipwich, yessiree. Now, being that I am cheap and they cost 1.75, I’m marginally safe. That’s kinda high on the snack ladder pricing structure for something I know is really bad for me.
Good News:
My father in law had his kidney cleared out and should be coming home from the hospital soon. So, thanks for all your prayers and good vibes. I’m gonna count this one in the “win” column!
Music News actually related to food: Morrisey gets his panties in a bunch over meat:
http://music.excite.co.uk/news/6063/Morrissey-leaves-Coachella-stage-because-of-burning-meat
Basically the Big M said “I can smell burning flesh and I hope to God it’s human.”
Really? Really? You’d rather people, actual human beings, were burning than the flesh of a cow or pig or chicken? Maybe it’s me, but I think it makes Morrisey come across like an enormous asshat.
He apparently was then sick in a portapotty and then came back some saying “The Smell of Burning Animals is making me sick…”
You know, Mr. Crankypants, it didn’t seem to bother Sir Paul McCartney who played well past curfew on Friday night. It’s not like you though you were playing some hippie “Festival of Vegans” or some such nonsense. Tell you what, why not go and relay backstage and we’ll call you a waaaaaaaaaaaahmbulance.
OK, Meat is Murder, we get it! I personally find cheese offensive but I’m not walking off stage because I can smell the pizza at Buddies Tavern. Suck it up, or don’t play. You can use all your stage time you want to rail about horrible meat eaters if you want, but don’t be a petulant child because someone wanted a friggin hot dog. Dry your eyes there, Susan, and play some songs.
Week 45: 252.0 over again.
Starting weight: 264.2
Weight last week: 252.0
Current weight: 252.0
Lost this week: 0
Total lost to date: 12.2
Goal for this week: 2 pounds
Goal Weight: 180
Weight remaining to lose: 69* pounds
All right, maintaining. That's pretty good. I mean I really can't complain about not gaining, right?
I'm having a stressful morning, though. My son has to go to school and he will not eat. I have to take my lunch early today (11:30) to get him and take him to the sitter. I'm all wound up, as usual. I'm having a lot of trouble just relaxing a little bit these days. I simply feel like there's oh! so much to be done, and half the time I am frozen in indecision. Ugh.
I see the week number get closer and closer to the 1 year anniversary of the Sporty by Forty Initiative and I get more and more discouraged. I seem to have done nothing of note, I have less get up and go, I seem to only be stagnant.
I though that after my Mom's passing I might have a clearer head and things might fall a little more into place. That was pretty goddamn naive, huh? If anything, it's crazier. I'm nervous and anxious, and although I knew this is normal, I can't stand it.
Man, now I have a headache.
Weight last week: 252.0
Current weight: 252.0
Lost this week: 0
Total lost to date: 12.2
Goal for this week: 2 pounds
Goal Weight: 180
Weight remaining to lose: 69* pounds
All right, maintaining. That's pretty good. I mean I really can't complain about not gaining, right?
I'm having a stressful morning, though. My son has to go to school and he will not eat. I have to take my lunch early today (11:30) to get him and take him to the sitter. I'm all wound up, as usual. I'm having a lot of trouble just relaxing a little bit these days. I simply feel like there's oh! so much to be done, and half the time I am frozen in indecision. Ugh.
I see the week number get closer and closer to the 1 year anniversary of the Sporty by Forty Initiative and I get more and more discouraged. I seem to have done nothing of note, I have less get up and go, I seem to only be stagnant.
I though that after my Mom's passing I might have a clearer head and things might fall a little more into place. That was pretty goddamn naive, huh? If anything, it's crazier. I'm nervous and anxious, and although I knew this is normal, I can't stand it.
Man, now I have a headache.
Thursday, April 16, 2009
Happy Birthday, Dad!
Yep, the Big Eight-Oh!
Hope you win the lottery, tonight. You deserve it!
I love you, you skinny so-and so!*
*What, the man has like, NINTEY pounds on me. I can call him names!
Hope you win the lottery, tonight. You deserve it!
I love you, you skinny so-and so!*
*What, the man has like, NINTEY pounds on me. I can call him names!
Hey, America! Are we reeeealy this dumb?
So I was watching something on Discovery last night (probably Mythbusters, maybe Pitchmen*, or Family Guy) and there was a Sonic commercial that really made me annoyed. They were talking up their new Chicken sandwiches as being a better alternative, you know, “look we put it on a whole wheat bun” and all that crap. I thought, OK, they have been trying to talk up the, um, well I don’t want to say “healthy” side of their menu so I’ll say “food they serve that won’t kill you as fast” and I’m OK with that.
Then they show this sandwich and it’s got bacon on it. I don’t think it’s turkey bacon either, not that I’d expect that. Do they really expect us to buy that it’s that much better for us with the wheat bun, so much so that we can eat bacon on it?
All the people in the Sonic commercials are thin as well. Come to think about it, everyone in all the fast food commercials is thin! No slovenly fat bastards to be seen.. Everyone is bright and cheery with perfect skin and a great ass. I mean, probably, right?
I think if we had a more realistic set of fast food commercials with say, Louie Anderson as pitchman, we’d all be killing ourselves to get to the gym.
Hell, billboards for this shit should be me, shirtless and super white, holding a juicy, dripping, burger and going “Hey Kids! I’m your future! Have some more fries, and you too can be picked last for kickball!” Think about it, we could nip this childhood obesity epidemic in the bud! However, we’d probably cause an epidemic of car accidents as well .
Trivia for this Thursday: Apparently the first place to serve hamburgers on buns was White Castle in 1921. Apparently they were served on toast and bread before that. I was going to put “before that, people just ate them out of wax paper in their bare hand, and they were originally called ‘hand burgers’” or some other ridiculous nonsense. I know at least someone would probably but it. I mean, come on, it’s the internet!
* Which was pretty good. It’s interesting how these products get marketed.
Then they show this sandwich and it’s got bacon on it. I don’t think it’s turkey bacon either, not that I’d expect that. Do they really expect us to buy that it’s that much better for us with the wheat bun, so much so that we can eat bacon on it?
All the people in the Sonic commercials are thin as well. Come to think about it, everyone in all the fast food commercials is thin! No slovenly fat bastards to be seen.. Everyone is bright and cheery with perfect skin and a great ass. I mean, probably, right?
I think if we had a more realistic set of fast food commercials with say, Louie Anderson as pitchman, we’d all be killing ourselves to get to the gym.
Hell, billboards for this shit should be me, shirtless and super white, holding a juicy, dripping, burger and going “Hey Kids! I’m your future! Have some more fries, and you too can be picked last for kickball!” Think about it, we could nip this childhood obesity epidemic in the bud! However, we’d probably cause an epidemic of car accidents as well .
Trivia for this Thursday: Apparently the first place to serve hamburgers on buns was White Castle in 1921. Apparently they were served on toast and bread before that. I was going to put “before that, people just ate them out of wax paper in their bare hand, and they were originally called ‘hand burgers’” or some other ridiculous nonsense. I know at least someone would probably but it. I mean, come on, it’s the internet!
* Which was pretty good. It’s interesting how these products get marketed.
Wednesday, April 15, 2009
Enough, already.
For crying out loud, all right, already!
As if 2009 hasn’t been tough enough: My Father-in-Law is now in the hospital undergoing tests.
We’re in the “well maybe it’s this or maybe it’s that” stage at the moment, so fingers crossed and good vibes sent this way please.
Creepy Department:
There’s a new website called Dead at Your Age, where you put in your birth date, and it tells you people you have outlived and done much more than you. Here’s today’s for me:
You are 38 years and 232 days old today.At your exact age, John F. Kennedy Jr. died in an airplane accident. He was a magazine-publisher son of President John F. Kennedy and Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis.
Jeez. Now I feel kinda bad about making it further then John-John. Not bad enough to trade or anything, so don’t turn in the harp yet, Johnny boy.
Additionally:
You've outlived Harry Chapin by almost two weeks. He was a singer/songwriter, filmmaker and philanthropist best known for his song "Cat's in the Cradle" (1974). He died of a heart attack on July 16, 1981, when you were 10 years old.
Elliott See was almost two weeks younger than you when he died in an airplane accident on February 28, 1966. He was a test pilot and NASA astronaut who was backup pilot for Gemini 5 and chosen to command Gemini 9. He died 5 years before you were born.
You've outlived Joseph Smith by about 2 months. He was an American religious figure who founded the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (Mormons). He died of murder by anti-Mormon rioters on June 27, 1844, 127 years before you were born.
Ok, so great songwriter, astronaut and someone who founded an entire religion that isn’t based out of a trailer or warehouse. Jeez. Well, I bet none of them ever had a blog, did they? HAH!*
BIGGEST LOSER UPDATE:
The big news here is Laura had some hairline fractures in her hip that ultimately sent her packing. What annoyed me is Tara trying to keep her there**! Come on, I know she’s your best pal, but she needed the rehab she got when she went out. She had a nice turnaround from the beginning and it was touching to see Jillian take it so hard.
Personally, I am 100% surprised she was not medically disqualified straight away!
My Dark Horse Candidate Kristin got to stay instead. She needs it. I’m starting to think she could take it. It’s between Mike, Tara and Kristin I think. I am concerned that she still needs the help this badly. I feel like that will affect her at home.
I also don’t give Helen enough credit for sure. Seeing her with her husband last night was terrific. I don’t think she’ll win the whole thing, but she’s gonna look fantastic.
I have been seeing a lot of hate for Big Ron online, and I just don’t get it. OK, not all of it. I don’t think he tries all the time with the challenges and I think yeah, I think he votes to keep his son on the ranch for as long as possible, but I don’t think it makes him a bad guy. If my son and I were in the same situation, you can bet your bottom dollar I’d do anything to keep him on. I see a lot of people online busting Ron’s balls about his choice. If he was playing the game this time out, he’d have sent Kristin home, not Laura. Kristin is a WAY bigger threat, seriously no pun included. I think Ron seems to be a stand-up kinda guy. Also, his wife is pretty cute, so there’s that.***
The bit with Mike’s Brother Max was BRUTAL. I was near tears through like half this episode to begin with, but the part where he was like “Now I’m the big one…” just killed me. If he’s not cast next season, I would love it if the show did something for him at home. It’d be great publicity.
Also I noticed, on the internet, people can’t spell the word “huge.” Come on, folks, “hugh” is a name, not a size.
Well, that’s it for now.
*there’s probably a decent chance John-John actually did have a blog of one sort or another, before they were called blogs. He probably had a LiveJournal or something.
**What really annoys me is I always confuse Tara and Laura.
*** Oh, if you haven’t got me pegged by now…
As if 2009 hasn’t been tough enough: My Father-in-Law is now in the hospital undergoing tests.
We’re in the “well maybe it’s this or maybe it’s that” stage at the moment, so fingers crossed and good vibes sent this way please.
Creepy Department:
There’s a new website called Dead at Your Age, where you put in your birth date, and it tells you people you have outlived and done much more than you. Here’s today’s for me:
You are 38 years and 232 days old today.At your exact age, John F. Kennedy Jr. died in an airplane accident. He was a magazine-publisher son of President John F. Kennedy and Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis.
Jeez. Now I feel kinda bad about making it further then John-John. Not bad enough to trade or anything, so don’t turn in the harp yet, Johnny boy.
Additionally:
You've outlived Harry Chapin by almost two weeks. He was a singer/songwriter, filmmaker and philanthropist best known for his song "Cat's in the Cradle" (1974). He died of a heart attack on July 16, 1981, when you were 10 years old.
Elliott See was almost two weeks younger than you when he died in an airplane accident on February 28, 1966. He was a test pilot and NASA astronaut who was backup pilot for Gemini 5 and chosen to command Gemini 9. He died 5 years before you were born.
You've outlived Joseph Smith by about 2 months. He was an American religious figure who founded the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (Mormons). He died of murder by anti-Mormon rioters on June 27, 1844, 127 years before you were born.
Ok, so great songwriter, astronaut and someone who founded an entire religion that isn’t based out of a trailer or warehouse. Jeez. Well, I bet none of them ever had a blog, did they? HAH!*
BIGGEST LOSER UPDATE:
The big news here is Laura had some hairline fractures in her hip that ultimately sent her packing. What annoyed me is Tara trying to keep her there**! Come on, I know she’s your best pal, but she needed the rehab she got when she went out. She had a nice turnaround from the beginning and it was touching to see Jillian take it so hard.
Personally, I am 100% surprised she was not medically disqualified straight away!
My Dark Horse Candidate Kristin got to stay instead. She needs it. I’m starting to think she could take it. It’s between Mike, Tara and Kristin I think. I am concerned that she still needs the help this badly. I feel like that will affect her at home.
I also don’t give Helen enough credit for sure. Seeing her with her husband last night was terrific. I don’t think she’ll win the whole thing, but she’s gonna look fantastic.
I have been seeing a lot of hate for Big Ron online, and I just don’t get it. OK, not all of it. I don’t think he tries all the time with the challenges and I think yeah, I think he votes to keep his son on the ranch for as long as possible, but I don’t think it makes him a bad guy. If my son and I were in the same situation, you can bet your bottom dollar I’d do anything to keep him on. I see a lot of people online busting Ron’s balls about his choice. If he was playing the game this time out, he’d have sent Kristin home, not Laura. Kristin is a WAY bigger threat, seriously no pun included. I think Ron seems to be a stand-up kinda guy. Also, his wife is pretty cute, so there’s that.***
The bit with Mike’s Brother Max was BRUTAL. I was near tears through like half this episode to begin with, but the part where he was like “Now I’m the big one…” just killed me. If he’s not cast next season, I would love it if the show did something for him at home. It’d be great publicity.
Also I noticed, on the internet, people can’t spell the word “huge.” Come on, folks, “hugh” is a name, not a size.
Well, that’s it for now.
*there’s probably a decent chance John-John actually did have a blog of one sort or another, before they were called blogs. He probably had a LiveJournal or something.
**What really annoys me is I always confuse Tara and Laura.
*** Oh, if you haven’t got me pegged by now…
Tuesday, April 14, 2009
Week 44: 252.0 Three pounds for the burfday boy!
Starting weight: 264.2
Weight last week: 255.0
Current weight: 252.0
Lost this week: -3
Total lost to date: 12.2
Goal for this week: 2 pounds
Goal Weight: 180
Weight remaining to lose: 69* pounds
Well, there we go. Three pounds for the boy who turns three today!
Happy Birthday, buddy! Daddy loves you!
Vending Machine Update/Creatures of Habit department:
So I got off the elevator today (I know!) and saw they were taking out the old vending machines. They had taken off the door to fit them. So, I did what I do everyday and scanned my ID card to get in.
Basically I unlocked an Imaginary Door.
Derrrrrrrr.
Anyway, I’m pretty pleased with the loss. Slow and steady, kids. That’s how we have to do it. One day at a time one step at a time. Hopefully, a couple pounds at a time.
It’s my gut that is freaking me out. It’s becoming far too round and preggo-like. I do not, however, have that “glow” that expectant moms (or Emo Vampires) do. If I am glowing, it’s probably sweat. I have the text book “This is the worst type of place to have fat, fells” kind of fat. Creates a breeze because your shirt is too short kind of fat. It’s no good, in other words.
I really want to get this hernia repaired as well.
Sigh. Day by day, step by step, right? Right.
Why do I smell cake all of a sudden? No one is having any…
Jeez.
*just about anyone who knows me has heard me or my friend Kurt do the “Oooh, sixty-nine! Sexy Number!” bit when the number 69 comes up. I realized when it comes to pounds left to lose, there is nothing sexy about it. Eeesh!
Weight last week: 255.0
Current weight: 252.0
Lost this week: -3
Total lost to date: 12.2
Goal for this week: 2 pounds
Goal Weight: 180
Weight remaining to lose: 69* pounds
Well, there we go. Three pounds for the boy who turns three today!
Vending Machine Update/Creatures of Habit department:
So I got off the elevator today (I know!) and saw they were taking out the old vending machines. They had taken off the door to fit them. So, I did what I do everyday and scanned my ID card to get in.
Basically I unlocked an Imaginary Door.
Derrrrrrrr.
Anyway, I’m pretty pleased with the loss. Slow and steady, kids. That’s how we have to do it. One day at a time one step at a time. Hopefully, a couple pounds at a time.
It’s my gut that is freaking me out. It’s becoming far too round and preggo-like. I do not, however, have that “glow” that expectant moms (or Emo Vampires) do. If I am glowing, it’s probably sweat. I have the text book “This is the worst type of place to have fat, fells” kind of fat. Creates a breeze because your shirt is too short kind of fat. It’s no good, in other words.
I really want to get this hernia repaired as well.
Sigh. Day by day, step by step, right? Right.
Why do I smell cake all of a sudden? No one is having any…
Jeez.
*just about anyone who knows me has heard me or my friend Kurt do the “Oooh, sixty-nine! Sexy Number!” bit when the number 69 comes up. I realized when it comes to pounds left to lose, there is nothing sexy about it. Eeesh!
Monday, April 13, 2009
Close the door, you're letting the Monday in!
Man, I am tired today. Didn’t sleep well Saturday into Sunday and it’s catching up with me now.
It feels strange to be back at work, but then again, it felt strange to be away from my wife and son while I was in Florida.
It’s still very hard for me to accept that I can’t just pick up the telephone and call my mom and tell her “oh, Owen did this today” or whatever…
My brother in law and I were trading some fitness tips yesterday. Just general junk, what works or doesn’t etc. Nothing revolutionary, more like: “if you have to have a snack at night, eat something like a granola bar, instead of 9 Almond Joys”, that type of thing.
We got a notice at work that we’re getting new vending machines. And I quote “The new vending machines will allow us to get a wider variety of beverages and food selections.” Compared to the places I have previously worked, what we have now is like a buffet on a Carnival cruise.
2 soda/water machines
1 general snacky-type machine
1 food machine with stuff like cup o soup, microwave burritos, sammiches and what not and
1 honest to goodness ice cream machine. Seriously.
The only step up I can see from that is having, like, Ted from Queer Eye in a glass case (like the old fortune teller machines, but bigger!) making whatever you want for like, five bucks.
Sorry there was no Biggest Loser update last week. It’s been a real kick in the junk in the last few weeks, so I’m sure you can all understand. Recapping begins again this week.
Here’s what I know happened.
1) the contestants ate crappy food for a chance at being the only vote
2) Bob and Jillian went absolutely bonkers on them for “defiling the gym” because most of them ate too damn many cupcakes or whatever.
3) Tara got the vote
4) She sent Sione’s butt home (And the rest of him!)
5) Sione looks fantastic.
Weigh in tomorrow, kiddies.
Also, Happy Birthday, 5th Doctor Peter Davison.
It feels strange to be back at work, but then again, it felt strange to be away from my wife and son while I was in Florida.
It’s still very hard for me to accept that I can’t just pick up the telephone and call my mom and tell her “oh, Owen did this today” or whatever…
My brother in law and I were trading some fitness tips yesterday. Just general junk, what works or doesn’t etc. Nothing revolutionary, more like: “if you have to have a snack at night, eat something like a granola bar, instead of 9 Almond Joys”, that type of thing.
We got a notice at work that we’re getting new vending machines. And I quote “The new vending machines will allow us to get a wider variety of beverages and food selections.” Compared to the places I have previously worked, what we have now is like a buffet on a Carnival cruise.
2 soda/water machines
1 general snacky-type machine
1 food machine with stuff like cup o soup, microwave burritos, sammiches and what not and
1 honest to goodness ice cream machine. Seriously.
The only step up I can see from that is having, like, Ted from Queer Eye in a glass case (like the old fortune teller machines, but bigger!) making whatever you want for like, five bucks.
Sorry there was no Biggest Loser update last week. It’s been a real kick in the junk in the last few weeks, so I’m sure you can all understand. Recapping begins again this week.
Here’s what I know happened.
1) the contestants ate crappy food for a chance at being the only vote
2) Bob and Jillian went absolutely bonkers on them for “defiling the gym” because most of them ate too damn many cupcakes or whatever.
3) Tara got the vote
4) She sent Sione’s butt home (And the rest of him!)
5) Sione looks fantastic.
Weigh in tomorrow, kiddies.
Also, Happy Birthday, 5th Doctor Peter Davison.
Tuesday, April 7, 2009
Week 43: 255.0
Starting weight: 264.2
Weight last week: 257.9
Current weight: 255.0
Lost this week: -2.9!!!!
Total lost to date: 9.2
Goal for this week: 2 pounds
Goal Weight: 180
Weight remaining to lose: 72.0
I'll try and do more later. Running around like a mental patient right now.
Weight last week: 257.9
Current weight: 255.0
Lost this week: -2.9!!!!
Total lost to date: 9.2
Goal for this week: 2 pounds
Goal Weight: 180
Weight remaining to lose: 72.0
I'll try and do more later. Running around like a mental patient right now.
Monday, April 6, 2009
My parents' house is simply not designed for fat people.
I do not mean because it's two floors either...
Yes, so I am staying with my Dad right now, after Mom's memorial on Saturday. It's a nice condo in Stuart Florida. It does have one feature I am not crazy about.
There are Too Damned Many Mirrors. Full Length Mirrors for that matter. As a fat guy, I probably try and avoid looking at myself in the mirror as much as possible. My folks' condo is like Plato's Retreat with the mirrors. Jeez.
Granted we all have those days where we think we look pretty good, but then I was getting changed Friday night and chanced at my pale, pasty, doughy form in the mirror and was, quite literally, horrified.
I am currently built like a bowling pin.
Ugh.
My father and I both stepped on the scale last night. I am fully 100 pounds heavier than he is. He's gonna be 80 this year. I should not, under any circumstances be that big, seriously. Like I was saying, this whole thing with my mom has lit a fire under me and I am taking it day by day and trying my hardest to head downwards in the fat-ass department.
My Uncle Tommy remarked that it's simply a discipline. You have to discipline yourself to either do it or not, and I agree.
I took a nice walk around the complex last night, although my choice of listening to the audio book for World War Z in the dark was somewhat poor.
Yes, so I am staying with my Dad right now, after Mom's memorial on Saturday. It's a nice condo in Stuart Florida. It does have one feature I am not crazy about.
There are Too Damned Many Mirrors. Full Length Mirrors for that matter. As a fat guy, I probably try and avoid looking at myself in the mirror as much as possible. My folks' condo is like Plato's Retreat with the mirrors. Jeez.
Granted we all have those days where we think we look pretty good, but then I was getting changed Friday night and chanced at my pale, pasty, doughy form in the mirror and was, quite literally, horrified.
I am currently built like a bowling pin.
Ugh.
My father and I both stepped on the scale last night. I am fully 100 pounds heavier than he is. He's gonna be 80 this year. I should not, under any circumstances be that big, seriously. Like I was saying, this whole thing with my mom has lit a fire under me and I am taking it day by day and trying my hardest to head downwards in the fat-ass department.
My Uncle Tommy remarked that it's simply a discipline. You have to discipline yourself to either do it or not, and I agree.
I took a nice walk around the complex last night, although my choice of listening to the audio book for World War Z in the dark was somewhat poor.
Thursday, April 2, 2009
Are you reading yet, SS?
So, the other day, one of the HR gals put out some fancy-schmancy* cookies out on the file cabinet by her office. Completely unattended I might add! As I approached the tin, I was struck with what a great way this would be a great way to set a trap for fat guys. There was no snare visible, so I risked the possibility that there was a chute that lead to a secret room of treadmills that powered the emergency generators for the servers and took one of them. It was pretty good, and somehow I managed to avoid shoveling the entire tin into my yap like coal into a locomotive engine.
You know, so, hooray for me.
That’s all for now. No Biggest Loser update this week. I saw the girl from the “engaged” team** came back and was promptly sent home instead of Ron. Ron was losing blood somewhere and I think it was an ulcer.
Considering the Tuesday I had, I’m sure you guys can let me slide on the update this week.
*You know what I mean, right? Little compartments, a map on the lid and some shortbread ones that had chocolate on the top with a relief of Little Lord Fauntleroy or a harlequin or some such fancy-lad acoutrement on them.
** who looks fantabulous! I think we have our home game winner.
You know, so, hooray for me.
That’s all for now. No Biggest Loser update this week. I saw the girl from the “engaged” team** came back and was promptly sent home instead of Ron. Ron was losing blood somewhere and I think it was an ulcer.
Considering the Tuesday I had, I’m sure you guys can let me slide on the update this week.
*You know what I mean, right? Little compartments, a map on the lid and some shortbread ones that had chocolate on the top with a relief of Little Lord Fauntleroy or a harlequin or some such fancy-lad acoutrement on them.
** who looks fantabulous! I think we have our home game winner.
Wednesday, April 1, 2009
I love you, Mom.
Mom left at about 5:30 last night.
According to Dad she slipped away very peacefully.
I’ll miss you very, very much, Mom. I believe you’re in a better place, now. It’s a comfort to think you’re with your mother and brothers again.
We’ll be OK, but it’ll take a while. I don’t know if I could ever express to you how much love and gratitude I have for you. You guided me through some tough things and you nagged me when you thought I needed nagging, you sacrified a lot for me and then for my wife and child, and loved like only a mother can.
I know you’ll put in a good word for me with the Man Upstairs. I could use any help I can get, you know?
We’ll never forget you, Mom.
Rest easy, you more than earned it.
By that way, if this is how you are learning about my Mom, I’m sorry. I probably missed a phone call or two along that way. I hope you're not offended.
According to Dad she slipped away very peacefully.
I’ll miss you very, very much, Mom. I believe you’re in a better place, now. It’s a comfort to think you’re with your mother and brothers again.
We’ll be OK, but it’ll take a while. I don’t know if I could ever express to you how much love and gratitude I have for you. You guided me through some tough things and you nagged me when you thought I needed nagging, you sacrified a lot for me and then for my wife and child, and loved like only a mother can.
I know you’ll put in a good word for me with the Man Upstairs. I could use any help I can get, you know?
We’ll never forget you, Mom.
Rest easy, you more than earned it.
By that way, if this is how you are learning about my Mom, I’m sorry. I probably missed a phone call or two along that way. I hope you're not offended.
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