Hey, America! Are we reeeealy this dumb?

So I was watching something on Discovery last night (probably Mythbusters, maybe Pitchmen*, or Family Guy) and there was a Sonic commercial that really made me annoyed. They were talking up their new Chicken sandwiches as being a better alternative, you know, “look we put it on a whole wheat bun” and all that crap. I thought, OK, they have been trying to talk up the, um, well I don’t want to say “healthy” side of their menu so I’ll say “food they serve that won’t kill you as fast” and I’m OK with that.

Then they show this sandwich and it’s got bacon on it. I don’t think it’s turkey bacon either, not that I’d expect that. Do they really expect us to buy that it’s that much better for us with the wheat bun, so much so that we can eat bacon on it?

All the people in the Sonic commercials are thin as well. Come to think about it, everyone in all the fast food commercials is thin! No slovenly fat bastards to be seen.. Everyone is bright and cheery with perfect skin and a great ass. I mean, probably, right?

I think if we had a more realistic set of fast food commercials with say, Louie Anderson as pitchman, we’d all be killing ourselves to get to the gym.

Hell, billboards for this shit should be me, shirtless and super white, holding a juicy, dripping, burger and going “Hey Kids! I’m your future! Have some more fries, and you too can be picked last for kickball!” Think about it, we could nip this childhood obesity epidemic in the bud! However, we’d probably cause an epidemic of car accidents as well .

Trivia for this Thursday: Apparently the first place to serve hamburgers on buns was White Castle in 1921. Apparently they were served on toast and bread before that. I was going to put “before that, people just ate them out of wax paper in their bare hand, and they were originally called ‘hand burgers’” or some other ridiculous nonsense. I know at least someone would probably but it. I mean, come on, it’s the internet!



* Which was pretty good. It’s interesting how these products get marketed.