Week 42: 257.9 *There's* that stress eating showing up!

Starting weight: 264.2
Weight last week: 255.1
Current weight: 257.9
Lost this week: +2.8
Total lost to date: 6.3
Goal for this week: 2 pounds

Goal Weight: 180

Weight remaining to lose: 75.1

Yep.Almost 1 year into the Initiative and I am looking at a measly 6.3 pound total weight loss. Yes, I am under a considerable amount of stress, but even so this is pathetic. Part of me wants to scrap the whole thing and just get so fat I need a mumu. Then logic kicks in, and I realize I don't want to die in a mumu. Laziness has been my bane for damn near 39 years, and it’s a constant battle.

Stupid metabolism!

Mom's not doing well at all. I think it's only a matter of a very short time at this point. Man it’s really weird to type that. I can’t help but think about Mom a lot these day, as you’d expect, and hope that she’ll soon be in a better place.

I believe in an afterlife. I may not be the most religious guy, but I do believe in a place your soul or being or consciousness goes when you die.

Manwhile, in real life, my Check Engine Light mocks me from the darkness of my dashboard. I forgot to renew a website of mine, and I may have lost the domain. Also, it looks like my kid has a cold, and my fucking toilet broke this morning. Yes, really. I mean, isn't that the spot in the movie where you'd hear the Wah-wah-wah wahhhhhhh trumpet? It’s like “Hey I know life is really whacking you in the nuts right now, but if it makes you feel any better, now you can’t poop.”

God, if you are testing me, I'd like to see how I go about taking the make-up test so I can get a break here, OK? I’m supposed to be the hero of this picture, and I was wondering when the cool third act is supposed to start.

NEW BLOG:http://yourefatamerica.blogspot.com/
this is a new blog written by someone on a music message board I belong to. He's pretty funny.

Exercise:I took a great walk yesterday at a park near work. Here's some photos I took with my cel phone’s camera:


I especially like how this looks like a vortex in the middle.

It was a good workout, and I spent some time outside so that was nice.

Singles Going Steady

Now, one might think that this column was going to be about one of the following:

1) dating
2) the slow but consistent depletion of dollar bills via transfer into ladies underpants at “Gentleman’s Clubs”
3) The Buzzcocks*

But you’d be wrong, wrong, wrong! 100% incorrect-a-mundo!

This is my Biggest Loser wrap up!

So they all got switched to singles this week, and everyone was pretty happy, aside from Tara who assumed (correctly) that she had the biggest target on her back. Then, they got to pick their trainers. I was sad when it looked like they were all gonna go to Jillian, except for Sione and Felipe, but the teams ended up pretty even.

Then, a 2 part challenge**. The contestants were given the weight they lost, in 5 pound blocks, to put on the scale of another person in the house. Everybody, even Mike, laid weight on Tara to the tune of 267 pounds, and 215 onto Helen. Ron seemed to distribute his a bit more even-handedly, but in the end, the two girls were burdened by the majority of the extra weight.

Tara damn near quit as she felt ganged up on. As a victim of severe bullying in grammar school, I could relate. Then she, like Helen, got pissed off and decided “I’m not gonna let them push me around.” Good thing she did.

Part two of the challenge was to pull a 2,000 pound car one half mile on a Nascar Track. The extra weight would be added to the cars. The winner got immunity, which, once you are playing as singles, is the thing to get. Sione just barrel-assed his way out of the gate and it looked like he was set to take it, but I guess dragging a car takes it’s toll and he and Mike both had to slow down. Who should come up hot on their tails? That’s right!

Tara.

Tara, who had the heaviest of all the cars, just came up and passed them and then calmly, coolly and with grace and poise, handed everyone else their asses! It was a joy to watch. When Jillian took her aside afterwards and told her how proud she was I almost lost it, but then I am an emotional wreck right now.

Congrats on the immunity, Tara, you earned it.

Anyway, on to the weigh in.

Tara came just shy of being the first woman to lose 100 pounds on Campus. Kristin promptly took that title, losing 9 pounds this week, and good for her. My Dark Horse candidate might be hitting a stride. Mike and Aubrey looked like they were going below the line, until Felipe nudged our lad Mike out.

Now I like Mike, and I’d like to think his joining up with everyone against Tara was because he’s 18 and you’re generally an easily swayed knucklehead at that age. He barely squeaked by this time. I don’t want to see him go, but I don’t want him turning into a dick either.

Big Ron banging out another nice loss of another 10 pounds! Wow! He’s got some chops as well, it just took a log time to get up to speed.

So they sent Aubrey home and she’s struggling. I hope she does OK. She’s not my favorite, but we’re at the stage where I kinda like everyone. Mandi is looking great, and their very overweight Dad has started a program as well, and he’s lost twenty pounds so far. With a big dude like that it’s tough to see, but he’s doing it.





*Oh, come on. If you don’t know, it’s 2009 and you have the Internet. What, is your Google broken?
** Dun, dun duuuuuuuuun!

Week 41: 255.1 and we're calling it a minor victory. Come see why...

Starting weight: 264.2
Weight last week: 254.1
Current weight: 255.1
Lost this week: +1
Total lost to date: 9.1
Goal for this week: 2 pounds

Goal Weight: 180

Weight remaining to lose: 75.1

1 pound. That's pretty remarkable.

Let’s consider my weekend. I flew into West Palm Beach on Friday at about 6:30. My mom is in hospice right now. She has terminal lung cancer, and is in a hospice facility. There was much running around to be done, helping my dad with stuff, and visiting mom and whatnot.

Like I said before, I ate on the crappy side of shitty all weekend. It was comfort food I guess.

On the other hand, seeing my mom, dying of something she might have been able to prevent, has lit a fire under my ass. I simply cannot put Owen through something like this where he has to see his old man like that. So the comfort of “comfort food” is somewhat short lived, which I realized is exactly what I will be.

Anyway, Mom is…well, she’s OK. She’s pretty pissed off about the whole thing, and so am I. When I think about the things we won’t be able to share anymore, it really pisses me off and I get very angry and sad.

She’s never going to be able to go outside and look at the stars again. She’s never going to get a phone call from her grandson. She’ll never see the rest of the Harry Potter movies that she liked so much.

It’s not fair, and it just eats me alive to think about. She wanted to retire to Florida and got barely 4 years in her paradise before she gets robbed of it, and we get robbed of her. Owen will not know his Nan, and will not appreciate the level of ridiculous spoilage he was due as sole Grandson. His Nan spoiled the crap out of him, but he’ll only know it because we’ll tell him.

Seriously, fuck cigarettes.

I flew back into Jersey and got back home at 11:45 PM last night. Jeez, what a day…what a weekend…what a year so far.

It sure ain't gettin any easier...

Still in Florida.

Man, I have been eating on the shitty of crappy for sure.

Tuesday's weigh in should be a hoot.

Feeling Blue- The blue team snatches defeat from the Jaws of Victory again!

Man, it feels odd to be talking BL again so quick. See what happens when you don’t update?

Ugh. Last night’s Biggest Loser weigh in was like winning $50 on a scratch off and getting kicked in the nuts in the parking lot of the 7-11 on the way back home. The contestants had gone home, and then weighed in when they got back, after 1 last chance workout.

No surprise, Mike pulled 7 pounds. I tell you, he’s a machine. The look on his face was priceless. Tara only pulled 2, and Jillian told her she’s over training and her body is freaking out. “Trust me,” she said to her “I’m kinda good at my job!” I felt bad because either she or Kristin will be the first woman to lose 100 pounds on campus.

Sadly Kristin gained a pound being home. This was one of the things that killed the blue team again, along with Kristin’s mom only losing two. They lost the weigh in, despite the bigger numbers of Ron and Aubrey.

Ron, Big Ron, the man who just could not pull big numbers to save his life to start, banged out 11 pounds to beat Mike for the first time. It was pretty emotional. He’s lost over 100 pounds, and he’s got potential to be a threat. He won’t win the whole show, but he’ll be able to run some interference to keep Mike in the game for as long as possible. All was looking great.

Then, Krisitn went up one and and her mom, Cathy, who lost 2, basically sunk the team. Cathy took the bullet this time, to keep Krista there, because she is not ready to be home that was obvious. I don’t know if it was just being away from the gym and Kristin’s body still needs that in order to make the weight loss happen or what, but she needs to stay.

I like the blue team, and I wish they’d catch a break.

Week 40: 254.1 Deja Vu all over again...and again

Starting weight: 264.2
Weight last week: 254.1
Current weight: 254.1
Lost this week: 0
Total lost to date: 10.1
Goal for this week: 2 pounds

Goal Weight: 180

Weight remaining to lose: 74.1

What in the wide, wide world of sports is a-goin’ on here?

I mean, don’t get me wrong, I’ll take a no-gainer again this week, but this is getting silly. I feel thinner. My shirts are fitting a bit better. Why is the scale not reflecting it? I don’t know, kids, I just blog here.

Yesterday’s Blogs

I must have had a weight lifted once I mentioned my mom in the blog, because the Biggest Loser/tattoo thing came out very easily after that.

FACEBOOK

I want to talk about the new Facebook layout. It’s the dog’s bollocks.

Sorry folks, I have to vent a minute. This is going to contain some “grown-up” words. In other words, there’s a chance I’m going to start swearing like a Teamster.

Seriously, Facebook, what the fuck? Why fix what wasn’t broken? Is this to get us so mad that we forget you tried to steal all our pictures and whatnot? Because we’re still awfully annoyed at that too, ya bastards! This is the most useless piece of crap interface since the ‘70s where you called up channel 11 in NYC and yelled “PIX” into the phone to control some crappy Intellivision game on TV*.

Every time someone in my networks decides to send another sodding piece of flair to everyone in their network, I have to see every. Damned. One. Individually. I don’t want to see that Joey Jojo Junior Shabadoo sent a Super Magical Lemon-Scented Goddamn Pixie fart to Jim. And then to Larry. And then to Susie. And then to Dave**.

If they don’t give me a filter soon, I’m going to have to abandon it like I pretty much did with MySpace. I only check the MySpace page once a week or so to see if anyone is friend-ing the band.

Seriously, screw you, Facebook and this crummy new look.





* And did anyone ever win anything or was that for “bragging rights?”

**And really, nobody even likes Dave anyway. He’s a hump.

Crap, I forgot Biggest Loser last week!

Dang it, I forgot to talk about Biggest Loser last week.

I missed a big ‘ol hunk of it (I think because I was eating. Irony!) but Mike did manage to pull an impressive eleven pound loss to pull the group’s collective fat from the fryer. The kid is like a machine. Oh, to be 18 again!*

Currently, he and Tara are my favorites to win**. Tara, if you remember is on the “Former Models” team and also seems to be one of those people who can just deliver numbers, every week. Mike just seems relentless and the kid just has so much heart you can’t not be rooting for him. After giving his year’s supply of groceries to Aubrey for her family, I’d have to say the kid is winning viewers over as well. He could be doing it as a ploy, but he just seems like a genuinely nice guy.

So, we lost Aubrey’s sister Mandi. She looks great now, having seen the footage from home. She sacrificed herself for Aubrey and understandably so. With 5 kids Aubrey put herself last and that’s not going to help her. She needs as much time on the ranch as possible. Oh, and am I the only one who is just dying to see what that enormous back-piece she has is? I mean it comes out of her pants and goes under her bra. It’s bloody huge! I’m fascinated by people who seem somewhat “square” or “normal” and they end up having not only a tattoo (which isn’t that odd. Everyday I find more people that have them!) but a friggin’ huge tattoo. I love that, and the stories that go with them. I have a friend who got a tall ship in very old sailor style on her shoulder in memory of her grandmother. It’s huge, but it works on her and I like it.

This brings up another tangent (on this blog? No way!). On a message board I frequent someone posted some rather racy (i.e. naked) pictures of a young lady who had an awful lot of tattoos, and I mused “At what point do you have so many tattoos that you can no longer ever be considered actually naked?”

What? it's a valid question! I’m going to venture that it’s when you can’t really see boobies or naughty bits in general clearly anymore, you know, like those pictures of body painters that walk around in public looking like a fairy or like they are made of wood, or Spiderman or something and you think “Well that’s an interesting picture I wonder…OH MY GOD! THAT’S THAT DUDE’S BALLS!” I reference that particular photo, because you’ve all seen it.

I think Kat Von D is rapidly approaching the stage where she will be able to walk around stark raving nude*** in broad daylight because, from the last episode of L.A. Ink I saw, she’s rocketed herself into the category of “Way Too Much Ink.” For me, WTMI is generally achieved by tattooing your face. Once you get into looking like Jadzia Dax from Deep Space 9, and you are not an alien on TV or otherwise, you have crossed a line. For example:


Jadzia Dax


Rowr!

Kat Von D


Seriously, what the F**k!?!?!?! I mean she's got stars on her face, all sorts of shit on her hands...it's out of control!

I’m probably gonna take a lot of crap for that, but these are my opinions. They may not match yours, but I can still rant about them. YAY INTERNET! WOO! I’m telling you though, the face has an awful lot to do with it, because I think Theo Kogan (who used to sing for the Lunachicks) is quite good looking and damn-skippy her arms are inked up like a desk blotter.



additionally, Kat is too thin, she just doesn’t look healthy to me. I worry, you know. I’m like the Den Mother for sixth-tier celebrities...



* 18 would be pretty great, provided I had the knowledge I have now. For one thing, I’d already be really close to my goal weight!

** Although, I gotta be honest with you, I worry about Sione and, believe it or not, Kristin, who appears to be hitting her stride. Sione pulls big numbers and is going to be on the bloody warpath after last week’s disappointing weigh in.

*** I love that expression. I always picture people walking around naked, but really, really psyched about it!

Sorry, I've been away...

Like the title says, I’m sorry for the lack of updates recently. However, I have been consumed with other things in my life.

Primarily, my mom has lung cancer and we’re not all that sure how long she has left.

Wow. That’s pretty damn hard to type out. It’s a fact, though. It’s been consuming 99% of my spare time lately and I just don’t really have the witty banter available as readily as I used to. I’m pretty angry right now, and sad, and mentally screwed up.

I’m still going to be doing my weigh-ins on Tuesdays, but I can’t guarantee any content otherwise for a little while. I’ll update when I can, as often as I can.

Meanwhile, if you wanted to do me a favor? Could all you fucking idiots please stop smoking?

Especially all of you idiots that I actually like. You know who you are.


Thanks.

Week 39: 254.1 Deja Vu all over again...

Starting weight: 264.2
Weight last week: 254.1
Current weight: 254.1
Lost this week: 0
Total lost to date: 10.1
Goal for this week: 2 pounds

Goal Weight: 180

Weight remaining to lose: 74.1


Well, I didn't gain any weight. What is disappointing is that it's gonna be week 40 next week and I have only lost 10 pounds. Granted I have not hit it as hard as I could be hitting it, but I fee like if I keep this up I will fail like I have failed every other time, and I feel like I cannot do that this time.

Got up at the crack of dawn (quite literally) to exercise today, but my son was sick so that didn't happen. Thankfully he took a nap this afternoon, because he was needing it. This has been a wicked year so far, sick wise, both for him, and my wife and I. Add to that that my mom is sick, and by that I mean "Sick" with a capital "S," you know?

I fully intended to kick 2009 in the balls, while 2009 apparently got wind of my plan and has been beating me down, over and over.

Trimming down the house!

So, I was sorting socks this morning and turned on the TV to have something to watch while I matched. So I popped on Discovery and discovered it’s Infomercials before 8 am. Ridiculous!

So, over to TLC where they are showing Clean Sweep. This is good, I love me some Clean Sweep. If I didn’t live in an apartment, I’d have them over for sure. I only have one beef with the show. Starting with I believe season 2, the people having the garage sale each choose something of the other’s to give away to charity if they sell less then the other. The winner gets to keep their item. I have seen some real douchey moves where the wife or husband picks out some beloved childhood toy or something that they can’t stand, and you can see the look on the other’s face when they lose it.

On the other hand, sometimes you can see the couple going “Oh, yes, he just loves this giant statue of Admiral Nelson with a clown nose. It’s his favorite!” to try and circumvent the process. This is appropriate as I have a very fat house right now. In other words, I have to slim down a bit, but with stuff.

I have a crapload of stuff to get rid of, and, thanks to my cousin, and some happy circumstances, it looks like I will have a little extra space to expand and really sort out my crap, I mean fine merchandise, and get the hell rid of it.

The way I see it, I have five categories of stuff in storage

1) Collectibles (to be sold via ebay or Craig’s List or whatever. Meaning it’s too niche or high end to try and garage sale or take to the Flea Market)
2) Garage sale/flea market items (to be sold at, oh I don’t know, a garage sale or flea market)
3) Stuff we’re keeping (other than my kid’s toys and clothes, this isn’t going to be all that much I don’t think. Oh, and our bikes!)
4) Stuff that’s perfectly functional, but I will never be able to sell, but is way too good to just be thrown out. (I generally leave these types of things in the laundry room with a nice big sign saying “free” on ‘em. They go very quickly. I got a couple really good books this way too!)
5) Crap (as stated on the package. Crap that needs to be chucked.)

Once I can really spread out and sort and repackage these items appropriately, it’ll be a lot easier to sell stuff, because I will know what I have. I ought to see if I can mooch a hand truck from someone as mine pretty much disintegrated last year. Being I got it for free* I can’t complain.

I hope that by May, I can have everything properly organized. The crap will be gone, everything that’s give-away-able will be given away, and the sellable stuff will be selling, somewhere or other!

I wish I still had all the metal shelves that were at my parent’s house. I knew I was gonna need them someday, dagnabbit!

Addendum:
I bought a banana on the way to work today, because we were out of fruit. It’s kind of awful, and is like eating banana-flavored foam. I mean, I’m full from it, but believe me, it’s not the best banana I have ever eaten, for sure.


*I was trying to find a new way to go home from the doctors a couple years back and got pretty lost. As I made a u-turn there was a guy wheeling a load of trash to the curb. There was a lot of furniture and he saw me looking and said “Please, take what you like, it’s all free!” and, quite jokingly I said “Well, what I really need is a hand truck!”

He laughs and says “Well, here you go! I just got a new one!” So I came home with a free hand truck. You can’t beat that.

From the "You'd think it would be common sense" department

Don’t chew gum while you’re getting a haircut.

Seems obvious, yes? I mean, I already learned the “don’t wear a white shirt and get a haircut” lesson. Well, it wasn’t to me I guess and I had a pretty awful piece of gum by the end of my haircut. I went full out and had him trim the eyebrows and goatee as well.* What the hell, it’s a payweek, right?

It’s amazing what a haircut will do for you mood! I was a mopey, mopey hippo today before my haircut, but now: not so much!

Man I am craving Chinese food like crazy today. I won’t have it, I see a turkey dog in my future, but man alive, some days it’s just brutal, isn’t it? I can beat the cravings if I go without something for a while. Fast food, sweets, whatever. I no longer think about ice cream. I can go whole days without even the thought of a cookie popping into my bean. Even the smells of favorite foods will not get to me, if I am properly disposed. Not so, Chinese Food. It sets off something almost primal in my head and my body just harangues me until I give in. I have to learn to live with the nagging of my stomach. I gave in a little too often recently, and I fell off the wagon/pedicab.

When I was walking through the mall today I got whiff of the place in the food court (any two meat selections plus fried rice or noodles, 4.99! Woo!) and I had to steel myself to walk past it. How ridiculous is this? I ought to be on celebrity rehab, except I am not famous and I’d probably be better off on Fit Club, so Harvey Walden could yell at me. However, you need to be famous on that show too.

I suppose it should make me somewhat happy that I am too thin to be picked for the Biggest Loser at least. I have days where you see some guy who’s lost like 100 pounds (which is more than I want to lose) and they are just at where I am now. I was going to say, I can’t imagine being fatter than I am now, but that’s a lie. I totally can imagine it and that is one of the things that scares me.

I recently discovered I weigh more than Chris Farley did when he did Tommy Boy. Having recently seen Tommy Boy I can’t see how he’s less than 254 pounds, but they claim he was about 225. Perhaps he was short, I don’t know. All I know is, wow, did I feel positively gargantuan after I read that.

Anyway, back to the grind…


*my eyebrows are becoming increasingly more ridiculous, the older I get. Seriously, what the frick? I fear I may turn into a gnome, like Larry Hagman.


Seriously! Is he part Vulcan!?!?! Wow!

no clever title today, happy wednesday!

Wow, that was a hell of a Biggest Loser last night.

There was a group weigh in last night and they had to collectively lose 77 pounds in order to keep everyone on the ranch. Should they fail, two people have to go home. So who is the last to weigh in?

Mike of course. And it was a bloody cliffhanger!

Again, Mike continues to impress. He is a powerhouse weight loss machine, and a hell of a kid, to boot. Ron should be very proud. They had a contest where they won a year of free of groceries. Aubrey has five kids and is, apparently not too well off. Her team did not win, but the black team did. Mike gave Aubrey his 1 year of Groceries. Come on, you gotta give that kid a hand.

I really like him, he’s seems like a stand up guy.

Celebrity chef Rocco DiSpirito was on and did one of those “Hey gang, here’s some fast food items that will blow your mind” bits and man alive, the sodium alone in fast food is enough to put you off.

Week 38: 254.1

Starting weight: 264.2
Weight last week: 254.9
Current weight: 254.1
Lost this week: .8
Total lost to date: 10.1
Goal for this week: 2 pounds

Goal Weight: 180

Weight remaining to lose: 74.1


Meh.

It’s been a wonderful couple of weeks here at the compound!

That was sarcasm, by the way. I’m under a tremendous amount of stress and, while I’m not eating like a bag of Chips Ahoy! cookies every other day I’m certainly finding it challenging to exercise like I need to in order to get rid of this flab.

It’s Brass Monkeys out there today, let me tell you! I was looking forward to a nice quiet lunch watching Basil Rathbone Holmes it up in Dressed to Kill then I got the fateful call that starts out with the voice of the woman you love that says “I need you to do me a little favor at lunch…”

Well, poop. Ah well, I need to pick a thing or two up as well.

I didn’t mention Biggest Loser last week! Being horrifically sick really put me off my game, and I am sorry kids! Well, they split the teams up, and mixed up some couples, and Ron is still with Bob, his son, however, is with Jillian. Ron pulled 5 pounds, which for a dude with a messed up shoulder and bad knees, is a respectable.

They ended up sending Dane home. Ron is way on borrowed time. This is the stage where people are sent home because the contestants are playing the game not just voting off the assholes. I give him 2 more weeks.

His kid, on the other hand at 18 years old, might just take the whole thing.

I'm apparently not drinking enough water...

Because my body has put forth some monster zits in the past 48 hours, Lord A'mighty!

Snow day today. Looks like we got about 8 inches.*

Lost power last night. That wouldn't have been so bad except I was drying 2 loads of clothes. So, as I was ready to finally call it quits at about 11:55, the power came back on and I went to the laundry room and restarted the dryers. Ended up hitting the hay about 1:30.

In completely unrelated news, I want this shirt so bad!

http://www.shotdeadinthehead.com/?newest=24
problem is it's in the UK. It's like $20 plus shipping. Well, less like 18% VAT, which I don't have to pay as I am not in the UK

I'm estimating something like $25 which is not too bad I guess. Anyone who would like to but it for me may do so in an XL :)





*That's what she said.