Singles Going Steady

Now, one might think that this column was going to be about one of the following:

1) dating
2) the slow but consistent depletion of dollar bills via transfer into ladies underpants at “Gentleman’s Clubs”
3) The Buzzcocks*

But you’d be wrong, wrong, wrong! 100% incorrect-a-mundo!

This is my Biggest Loser wrap up!

So they all got switched to singles this week, and everyone was pretty happy, aside from Tara who assumed (correctly) that she had the biggest target on her back. Then, they got to pick their trainers. I was sad when it looked like they were all gonna go to Jillian, except for Sione and Felipe, but the teams ended up pretty even.

Then, a 2 part challenge**. The contestants were given the weight they lost, in 5 pound blocks, to put on the scale of another person in the house. Everybody, even Mike, laid weight on Tara to the tune of 267 pounds, and 215 onto Helen. Ron seemed to distribute his a bit more even-handedly, but in the end, the two girls were burdened by the majority of the extra weight.

Tara damn near quit as she felt ganged up on. As a victim of severe bullying in grammar school, I could relate. Then she, like Helen, got pissed off and decided “I’m not gonna let them push me around.” Good thing she did.

Part two of the challenge was to pull a 2,000 pound car one half mile on a Nascar Track. The extra weight would be added to the cars. The winner got immunity, which, once you are playing as singles, is the thing to get. Sione just barrel-assed his way out of the gate and it looked like he was set to take it, but I guess dragging a car takes it’s toll and he and Mike both had to slow down. Who should come up hot on their tails? That’s right!

Tara.

Tara, who had the heaviest of all the cars, just came up and passed them and then calmly, coolly and with grace and poise, handed everyone else their asses! It was a joy to watch. When Jillian took her aside afterwards and told her how proud she was I almost lost it, but then I am an emotional wreck right now.

Congrats on the immunity, Tara, you earned it.

Anyway, on to the weigh in.

Tara came just shy of being the first woman to lose 100 pounds on Campus. Kristin promptly took that title, losing 9 pounds this week, and good for her. My Dark Horse candidate might be hitting a stride. Mike and Aubrey looked like they were going below the line, until Felipe nudged our lad Mike out.

Now I like Mike, and I’d like to think his joining up with everyone against Tara was because he’s 18 and you’re generally an easily swayed knucklehead at that age. He barely squeaked by this time. I don’t want to see him go, but I don’t want him turning into a dick either.

Big Ron banging out another nice loss of another 10 pounds! Wow! He’s got some chops as well, it just took a log time to get up to speed.

So they sent Aubrey home and she’s struggling. I hope she does OK. She’s not my favorite, but we’re at the stage where I kinda like everyone. Mandi is looking great, and their very overweight Dad has started a program as well, and he’s lost twenty pounds so far. With a big dude like that it’s tough to see, but he’s doing it.





*Oh, come on. If you don’t know, it’s 2009 and you have the Internet. What, is your Google broken?
** Dun, dun duuuuuuuuun!