Addendum

Addendum to today:

This dude was hanging out in front of out office today.

He was a rather pheasant, I mean pleasant, phellow!

Then my friend Nancy left me this little dude on my desk:

It brought a smile to my face when I really needed one.

He’s a Wade ceramic figurine from Red Rose Tea! Every box of Red Rose apparently contains a little ceramic figurine.

Also, I am so mad at myself for missing out on making a Fat Tuesday joke yesterday. Damn!

Week 37: 254.9

Starting weight: 264.2
Weight last week: 257.1
Current weight: 254.9
Lost this week: 2.2
Total lost to date: 9.3
Goal for this week: 2 pounds

Goal Weight: 180

Weight remaining to lose: 74.9

Yeah, I weighed in yesterday but was unable to update the old bloggeroo due to being sick and having my son home with me who was attached to me like an adorable barnacle (a “cute-icle” if you will…) all day. By the time I remembered to update I was climbing into bed and said “I’m taking a sick day!”

I’m going to delay my Biggest Loser chat until tomorrow, being they split it up into two nights due to the Presidential speech last night.

Sorry it's so short today I still feel pretty crappy.

No bloody wonder we're a nation of colossal fat-asses! OR They are trying to kill us all!!!!!

Hello, fellow "size-challenged" people. I feel it is my solemn duty to alert you to a seriosus safety concern!
In case you hadn’t noticed, a lot of people are out to kill us. More than you’d like to think. I mean, in a civilized country, you’d think these grand conspiracies could be outed, but hey, they haven’t admitted we never landed on the moon*, so you never know.

Anyway, I ,erm, appropriated all these stats from the Sun-Sentinel today. It’s a Florida paper. Reprinted without permission, please don’t sue me.

The original article is here

Anyway, I didn’t put everything form the photo gallery here, just stuff that struck me as particularly insane.

Worst chicken strips

Dairy Queen 6-Piece Chicken Strip Basket
1,270 calories
67 g fat (11 g saturated fat)
2,910 mg sodium
The strips deliver more grams of fat than four DQ Homestyle Burgers, and nearly 300 more calories than a Large Strawberry CheeseQuake Blizzard.

Eat This Instead:
Grilled Chicken Salad with Fat-Free Italian Dressing
280 calories
11 g fat (5 g saturated)
1,550 mg sodium

I mentioned this strictly because I like chicken fingers. Who’d have thought four hamburgers was a better choice, fat wise? I mean, four of anything shouldn’t be a better choice most of the time, right?


Worst drive-thru meal in America

Carl's Jr. Double Six Dollar Burger with Medium Natural cut Fries and 32 oz Coke
2618 Calories
144 g at (51.5 g saturated fat)
2892 mg sodium

Of all the gut-growing, heart-stopping, life-threatening burgers in the fast food world, there is none whose damage to your general well-being is as catastrophic as this. The complete meal delivers as much saturated fat as 63 strips of bacon!

Eat This Instead:
Famous Star with Side Salad with Low Fat Balsamic Dressing and 32 oz Iced Tea
685 calories
38 g fat (10.5 g saturated fat)
1520 mg sodium

Let me put this out here so you can read it again:
Of all the gut-growing, heart-stopping, life-threatening burgers in the fast food world, there is none whose damage to your general well-being is as catastrophic as this. The complete meal delivers as much saturated fat as 63 strips of bacon!

63 strips of bacon!

SIXTY-EFFING-THREE STRIPS OF BACON!

Let me put that in real world numbers. I believe that’s well over three pounds of bacon**. Who in their right mind would eat three-point-something fricking pounds of bacon?!?! Nobody, that’s who! So who in the hell is buying these often enough to make it a regular menu item? It ought to come with a defibrillator!

Don’t get me wrong, you put me in front of a buffet with bacon as a choice and I can glutton it up with the best (worst?) of them, but hot, greasy damn! What the hell, America?!?! When you see it spelled out like that you have to wonder what we, as a people, ever did to this Carl guy to make him so mad at us?

Maybe he’s mad because his restaurant has an awful name. I mean, “Carl’s Jr?!?!?!?!” That doesn’t even make any sense.

Anyway, you wanna wash that artery spackle down with something? Try this on for size:

Worst Drink

Sonic Minute Maid Cranberry Juice Slush (large)450 calories 124 g sugars
Cranberry juice is like the Ryan Seacrest of drinks -- fine in small doses, but too sickly sweet to pour on heavy. A large has more sugar than three sodas. Steer clear of Sonic's slushes -- most deliver an entire meal's worth of calories.

Drink This Instead:
Cranberry Flavored Tea (large)62 calories 15 g sugar

OK, I love me some slushy goodness. I mean, what’s more refreshing on a hot summer day than a brain-freezing cup of syrupy slush?*** It’s a wonder my pancreas hasn’t just up and quit and reported me to OSHA for unsafe working conditions. Drinking an entire meal’s worth of calories is probably ok if:
1) It’s Slimfast and you are trying to lose weight
2) It’s Ensure and you are trying to gain weight
3) It’s milk and or formula and you are a baby and all you do is drink, cry and poop anyhow.
Generally, though, it’s probably a bad idea.


So there you have it. I’m going to go have a rice cake and a gallon of water, followed up by a brisk run up to Flemington. Wow.

* Of course we landed on the moon, you dingus! Seriously, they brought back rocks and everything!
** 20 slices to a pack, right? Like cigarettes?
*** Probably water. Or like, something with electrolytes if you’ve been running or something. Just sayin’.

I *AM* the Stairmaster!

While it’s certainly causing me some leg pain*, it’s been 100% worth it to start taking the stairs again, anywhere I can. It works out the stiffness in my legs, and is exercise that I need to do anyhow. Also, since the elevator at our office is pneumatic, I can usually walk up to the second floor as fast as, or faster than the damned elevator in the first place. After a couple of days, you kind of feel pretty good about yourself for taking the stairs. Yes, even a little smug, it’s true. I’m not proud of it, but sometimes you can’t help but think “yeah, that’s right, baby, I take the stairs.” There’s not need to be like that, kids. Come on, it’s only 1 floor.”

I understand, however, that some people can’t even do that 1 floor. Now, there’s some days where you just do not want to use the stairs, believe me I know. I have taken the lazy way out before. I’m sure, at one point or another, I’ll do it again. Fortunately though, I can actually use them, as my knees are not shot, nor do I get short of breath going up a flight of stairs (unless I am running or carrying people, which doesn’t happen as much as you might thinkin an office job). I feel for people who can’t even do this much, I really do.

I noticed though, if I take the elevator once, just once, during the day, it’s a very slippery slope right into just taking it all the freaking time. I noticed this at the mall the other day when I was with my son. He’s in a stroller so we had to use elevators to get from floor to floor, and it really was harshing my walking groove, man! Mind you, I had to walk further to actually find the wretched conveyance, so there was that, but I felt like I was cheating. It would be cool if there was like a circular ramp, like at a stadium, that you could use to walk between levels. I bet the Mall of America has at least one of those. I’m not gonna be that guy who takes his kid on the stroller on the escalator.** I don’t go to the mall unless it’s really necessary, so I don’t think it’ll be too big an issue in my day to day life.

I worked out both yesterday morning and evening and today I feel like I was taken out last night in my sleep and a gang of hobos was paid to beat my legs and lower back with various objects one might find at an abandoned building site. Wow.



BIGGEST LOSER:

I was saying to a friend at work today “The only thing about the show at this point in the proceedings is you have no one to root against.” That’s right, I said it. Nobody like that bloody awful troll Vicki from last season and Joelle has hit the bricks now. So all we have left are, at this point, people you want to succeed. This is good on one hand because all these people need it and want it. On the other hand, every time one of them goes home you just feel awful. OK so Shanon was a little weepy, sure, but it don’t make you bad person, right? She’s doing OK at home too. Here’s hoping she keeps it up.

My coworker said “Joelle gives me a rash.” I couldn’t agree more.


Mike and Ron came through big time this week though with big Ron banging out an impressive 7 pound loss. Considering how bad that man’s knees are, I have to hand it to him, he did very well this week. His son managed 10 pounds this week after a very impressive thirteen pounder last week! Go, Mike, Go! 23 pounds in two weeks!

There looks to be some serious team switching shenanigans next week, too. I’m guessing from the preview (which is so deceptive they may as well show the cast being attacked by bears at this point) that Ron is not on Bob’s team any longer, and Bob is less than thrilled. I can’t wait!







* Look, I’ve been carting around a lot of flab for a lot of years. Once I hit about, oh, thirty four or so my legs started to get sore and tired much easier. My feet started a little earlier than that. I have spent a lot of time just standing on hard floors in my life though, and that’s no help, right?

** I’m sure it’s safe. I’ve seen it done, but in my head I picture my kid busting out of the straps and then taking a header in perpetuity until they can stop the escalator. I know this can’t happen for real, but it certainly makes for a very “silent movie-era” mishap film in my head. I’m sure I’d rescue him only to be struck with a ladder carried by apassing workman, fall into a open pit in the floor and somehow become involved in a food fight involving nothing but pies.

Week 36: 257.1- Up, up and Oi Vey!

Starting weight: 264.2
Weight last week: 254.4
Current weight: 257.1
Lost this week: +2.7
Total lost to date: 7.1
Goal for this week: 2 pounds

Goal Weight: 180

Weight remaining to lose: 79.5




Not pretty, but I knew it.

Been doing a lot of stress eating, and now I have to stop the pity party and step up to the plate. Or away from the plate...

You know what I mean!

Anyhoo, the chubby buck stops here.

Realage.com- Shoving me full force into middle age. Sorta.

So I went to www.Realage.com today and took the test that basically tells you how old you really are based on a survey you take. Based on that, I am

Forty-fricking-five!*

Well, sod that kids.

I'm going to make sure this is added to my blog as it changes and believe me, It's got to. I'm subtracting six years off my life living like this. Considering we only get a mere handful (in the cosmi sense and all) this is wigging me the hell out.

Also new this week- is this here counter. It's tracking my weight loss. Check it out!



I like the little treadmill :) It'll be updated on Tuesdays just like my other weigh in information.

Expect tomorrow's to blow. I know I am.



*Sweet Fancy Moses! That's just unacceptable. No effing way.

Let's twist again, backwards...

So I'm making sandwiches this morning and go to open up a fresh loaf of wheat bread. So I'm twisting the little wire twist-tie and all is going well until I realize that, seriously, what the hell? I am now resealing the bag. Somewhere down in the middle of this ingenious paper coated wire bag closure the ends start to twist in the other direction.

How in the hell does this happen? I mean, isn't it a machine that does this? Is some joker spinning the bag in the middle of the twist-tie-tie-twisting? Doubtful, as I imagine it's all done by machine here in 2009. You know what this means, right?

The machines have begun thinking!

I know what you're all thinking; I'm being alarmist. How else though to you explain this? Maybe the TwistyTron 3000 says to it's Brother-Unit on the assembly line:

TwistyTron 3000 Unit 6- “UNIT SEVEN, WATCH AS I REVERSE THE TWIST-TIE IN THE MIDDLE. LET'S SEE FATTY MCFATSO GET TO HIS BELOVED COMPLEX CARBOHYDRATES NOW!

TT3k Unit 7- “NICE ONE, SIX. THAT WILL SHOW THOSE UPPITY MEATBAGS WHO THE BOSS IS!”

Unit 6- “Ending on a preposition, Seven? Really? What are you, Yoda?”

or perhaps it's even worse. Maybe, just maybe, they are doing it as a gag.

The machines are pulling practical jokes. It's worse that we thought, people.

Week 35: 254.4

Starting weight: 264.2
Weight last week: 254.6
Current weight: 254.4
Lost this week: .2
Total lost to date: 9.8
Goal for this week: 2 pounds

Goal Weight: 180

Weight remaining to lose: 76.8

This is just pathetic. I don’t know why I’m wasting my and everyone else’s time with this. I’m obviously not doing what I should be, and so, I have to ask myself: “Why bother to keep writing the blog?”

I think it’s to at least put some content up so that the readership I do actually have will stay so when I finally do get my ass in gear they will be here for it.

Also, if I stop, it will show that I have given up completely, and I am not doing that. I won’t lie, there’s a tiny corner of my brain that says “Ah, who cares about fitness? What’s so great about living past 45 anyhow?” and I say “Shut it, you!”

I have too much to live for. Yes, there’s no denying that the world is on a shit slide into h-e-double-hockeysticks, but it’s still better then the alternative if you ask me. Whenever I make my wife laugh (not a chuckle, but a good, solid, guffawing that brings a tear to your eye) or my little boy runs up to me and gives me a smooch, I am reminded of why I have to do these things, in order to stay withthem for as long as possible.

Sometimes I am so weak, and I can’t stand it. Pissed off at myself again.

Why didn't I think of that!?!?!

Every so often a cool new blog comes to my attention and I thought, instead of just adding it to the links section, I’d make you guys aware of it too.

http://www.changepot.blogspot.com/

It’s a family from NYC who has collected over $1,000 in found money in a couple years, a few cents at a time! They document where they were and how much they got. It’s pretty great, if you’re a guy like me who loves minutiae. Amazing. When they hit 10 grand they are going to give it to charity. That’s pretty cool. I mean I pick up money all the time, but I always use it. Tolls, etc.

I get the feeling that if the US adopted a dollar coin* I’d have much better random change hauls, you know?

Remember back in October when I found that pile of coins? That was pretty sweet and I’d love to find a nice haul like that again!

http://sportybyforty.blogspot.com/2008/10/sunday-busy-sunday.html



*On that we actually use you know? The only thing we use the Sacajawea dollars for are my niece’s visits from the Tooth Fairy.

Avoiding Sandwich Guilt

I went to Quick Chek* last night for a sammich and was struck by an idea while using the snazzy touchscreen ordering system. If I was ordering a sandwich from the counterperson and I wanted, say, bacon or something, there’s the chance that I wouldn’t order it because I certainly don’t want the counterperson to say, “You? Bacon? Really?” and I would slouch away, unfulfilled and embarrassed. Now Am I really worried about this? No, but I thought, well, if I actually was, this was a superb out! I could order all sorts of things on my sammich and pick it up, with no judgment from the Lunchmeat Baristas.

I did not get the bacon. I know you were dying to know. I avoided Sandwich Guilt (or as I might say Sammich Guilt) by just getting the good stuff!


*Confession time: I did not realize the “Chek” part was spelled like this until well into my thirties. How in the hell do you miss something like that?

Week 34: 254.6

Starting weight: 264.2
Weight last week: 252.9
Current weight: 254.6
Lost this week: + 1.7
Total lost to date: 9.6
Goal for this week: 3 pounds

Goal Weight: 180

Weight remaining to lose: 77



Not a great week this week, and to top it all off I forgot to weigh myself in yesterday. I had Monday off to take care of some personal matters and sure as shootin’, got to work and remembered it was Tuesday.

What can you do, right?

I ate reasonably well last week but lost it on the extended weekend. Stress either makes me not eat at all, or makes me eat nothing but absolute garbage at a pace that rivals that of jerks who want to post “FIRST! LOLZ!!!!” on internet websites comment sections. In other words, I tend to eat like I am going to the electric chair. The worse the better, usually. Although, if there was a bucket of celery sticks in the fridge I’d probably eat those. I’m not real specific about it either, I’d eat healthy stuff, but I gravitate to junk, like a culinary Fred Sanford.

I had a big ‘ol bowl of Fiber One cereal this morning, and at about 10:15 I thought I was literally going to explode. I know it’s good for me (and it tastes really good too!) and it’s something my body’s gonna have to get used to, but well, let’s just say I am feeling much better now!

And now onto this week’s BIGGEST LOSER comments-

Bob and Jillian were positively brutal to Aubrey for her paltry 2 pounds in 1 month weight loss, and deservedly so. Jillian, especially, was vehement about the BS excuses of “You didn’t lose weigt but gained muscle” or “lost inches.” Bob also made a point as to how hard it is to lose at home, and she’s got 5 kids etc, while the people on the ranch lost because while they are there, losing weight is basically their job. I did feel bad for her, but like Bob said, “That’s what happened, get past it, you’re here now, and move forward.”

And move forward she did, banging out an impressive 10 pound loss this week, along with her sister, who did a respectable 6! In fact, all the returning players made a fine showing including Carla from the “Best Friends” /Silver Team. The problem was with only one contestant. I’ll give you 1 guess as to who cocked it up this week.

Yes, my favorite punching bag, Joelle. She managed to stroll, sigh and complain her way to a zero pound weight loss this week. You could see Carla busting her ass (and losing a very respectable 9 pounds for it) while Joelle wandered around the gym and half-assed it. Then she started spouting off some bizarre rhetoric about how she’s learning and pushing herself when she admitted that if she fell below the yellow line, there would be enough people on Bob’s team to save her and Carla, as she was confident that one of Jillian’s teams would go below the line.

Of course she didn’t count on Ron and Mike, the Father/Son team, to also go below that line. What looked like an obvious choice to her was clouded by her inability to realize that nobody liked her, and they sent her home because of that, and in spite of the fact that they all pretty much like Carla. A lot. Carla came back and did what was expected of her, and so did Aubrey. Ron is doing everything he needs to be doing (and so is his son) and, most importantly, they both want to be there. Joelle did nothing and acted like a pouty child when she was sent home. There was only one way the others could have voted, confronted with all that, and they sent Joelle packing, and unfortunately that meant they had to take Carla too.

So, next week it looks like Mike is in trouble again. We shall see, we shall see.

Underneath my clothes, I am stark raving nude!

Yeah, so in the interest of making a little extra scratch in these trying (read that as “truly, mind-bendingly frightening”) economic times, the missus and I are frequently looking at various websites to see any interesting (astoundingly lucrative) opportunities that may arise that do not involve getting involved with deposed Nigerian Royalty. The most interesting of which lately is as a nude model for a life drawing class. It paid in excess of 20 bucks an hour and yeah, I actually thought it wasn’t a bad idea.

Now, I’m going wait a moment to let that sink in, so when you’re done shuddering in abject horror imagining my pale, doughy and slightly blotchy* form reclining on a chaise (imagine if you will, Jabba the Hutt played by Phillip Seymour Hoffman) we can get through the rest of this incredibly uncomfortable post with our heads held high, mainly to avoid looking at each other in the eyes.

Anyway, I did think about it briefly (come on, twenty some bucks an hour to air it all out? Not terrible. Drafty, yeah...) but I thought “I know this is a class where they just want people to pose in the buff, but you don’t have to be buff to pose” but I’m a little too self conscious about my weight. If I were in the lower quadrant of the 200s, maybe, but not at my current weight. That and my umbilical hernia makes my belly button look kind of funny**.

Yes, you read that correctly. I am far more uncomfortable about the dilapidated state of my navel than at the thought of a room full of strangers (some of which are undoubtedly cute, quirky art majors, and girls on top of it all...) checking out me in my altogether and documenting it for posterity in Cray-Pas*** or whatever. Not that I think anyone would be framing it to hang over their mantle (imagine coming up to someones place for after dinner drinks or a "coffee and couch" and getting a load of that!) but it's permanent.****

Also, it'll be one more reason I'll never be able to run for Senate.

*What? I’m Irish. We blemish!

** Yeah, kind of like the “@” symbol, or maybe more like a schwa...Look it up, I can't figure out how to make one on the computer! On second though, the Wikipedia entry made my head hurt, so you know, buyer beware and all that.

*** OK, this link I'll give you. http://www.sakuraofamerica.com/Craypas-History

****Something for all you people and your digital cameras to ponder. Seriously, ladies. The house with my hypothetical portrait could be destroyed in a fire, but how would you burn down the entire Internet?