Underneath my clothes, I am stark raving nude!

Yeah, so in the interest of making a little extra scratch in these trying (read that as “truly, mind-bendingly frightening”) economic times, the missus and I are frequently looking at various websites to see any interesting (astoundingly lucrative) opportunities that may arise that do not involve getting involved with deposed Nigerian Royalty. The most interesting of which lately is as a nude model for a life drawing class. It paid in excess of 20 bucks an hour and yeah, I actually thought it wasn’t a bad idea.

Now, I’m going wait a moment to let that sink in, so when you’re done shuddering in abject horror imagining my pale, doughy and slightly blotchy* form reclining on a chaise (imagine if you will, Jabba the Hutt played by Phillip Seymour Hoffman) we can get through the rest of this incredibly uncomfortable post with our heads held high, mainly to avoid looking at each other in the eyes.

Anyway, I did think about it briefly (come on, twenty some bucks an hour to air it all out? Not terrible. Drafty, yeah...) but I thought “I know this is a class where they just want people to pose in the buff, but you don’t have to be buff to pose” but I’m a little too self conscious about my weight. If I were in the lower quadrant of the 200s, maybe, but not at my current weight. That and my umbilical hernia makes my belly button look kind of funny**.

Yes, you read that correctly. I am far more uncomfortable about the dilapidated state of my navel than at the thought of a room full of strangers (some of which are undoubtedly cute, quirky art majors, and girls on top of it all...) checking out me in my altogether and documenting it for posterity in Cray-Pas*** or whatever. Not that I think anyone would be framing it to hang over their mantle (imagine coming up to someones place for after dinner drinks or a "coffee and couch" and getting a load of that!) but it's permanent.****

Also, it'll be one more reason I'll never be able to run for Senate.

*What? I’m Irish. We blemish!

** Yeah, kind of like the “@” symbol, or maybe more like a schwa...Look it up, I can't figure out how to make one on the computer! On second though, the Wikipedia entry made my head hurt, so you know, buyer beware and all that.

*** OK, this link I'll give you. http://www.sakuraofamerica.com/Craypas-History

****Something for all you people and your digital cameras to ponder. Seriously, ladies. The house with my hypothetical portrait could be destroyed in a fire, but how would you burn down the entire Internet?