No bloody wonder we're a nation of colossal fat-asses! OR They are trying to kill us all!!!!!

Hello, fellow "size-challenged" people. I feel it is my solemn duty to alert you to a seriosus safety concern!
In case you hadn’t noticed, a lot of people are out to kill us. More than you’d like to think. I mean, in a civilized country, you’d think these grand conspiracies could be outed, but hey, they haven’t admitted we never landed on the moon*, so you never know.

Anyway, I ,erm, appropriated all these stats from the Sun-Sentinel today. It’s a Florida paper. Reprinted without permission, please don’t sue me.

The original article is here

Anyway, I didn’t put everything form the photo gallery here, just stuff that struck me as particularly insane.

Worst chicken strips

Dairy Queen 6-Piece Chicken Strip Basket
1,270 calories
67 g fat (11 g saturated fat)
2,910 mg sodium
The strips deliver more grams of fat than four DQ Homestyle Burgers, and nearly 300 more calories than a Large Strawberry CheeseQuake Blizzard.

Eat This Instead:
Grilled Chicken Salad with Fat-Free Italian Dressing
280 calories
11 g fat (5 g saturated)
1,550 mg sodium

I mentioned this strictly because I like chicken fingers. Who’d have thought four hamburgers was a better choice, fat wise? I mean, four of anything shouldn’t be a better choice most of the time, right?


Worst drive-thru meal in America

Carl's Jr. Double Six Dollar Burger with Medium Natural cut Fries and 32 oz Coke
2618 Calories
144 g at (51.5 g saturated fat)
2892 mg sodium

Of all the gut-growing, heart-stopping, life-threatening burgers in the fast food world, there is none whose damage to your general well-being is as catastrophic as this. The complete meal delivers as much saturated fat as 63 strips of bacon!

Eat This Instead:
Famous Star with Side Salad with Low Fat Balsamic Dressing and 32 oz Iced Tea
685 calories
38 g fat (10.5 g saturated fat)
1520 mg sodium

Let me put this out here so you can read it again:
Of all the gut-growing, heart-stopping, life-threatening burgers in the fast food world, there is none whose damage to your general well-being is as catastrophic as this. The complete meal delivers as much saturated fat as 63 strips of bacon!

63 strips of bacon!

SIXTY-EFFING-THREE STRIPS OF BACON!

Let me put that in real world numbers. I believe that’s well over three pounds of bacon**. Who in their right mind would eat three-point-something fricking pounds of bacon?!?! Nobody, that’s who! So who in the hell is buying these often enough to make it a regular menu item? It ought to come with a defibrillator!

Don’t get me wrong, you put me in front of a buffet with bacon as a choice and I can glutton it up with the best (worst?) of them, but hot, greasy damn! What the hell, America?!?! When you see it spelled out like that you have to wonder what we, as a people, ever did to this Carl guy to make him so mad at us?

Maybe he’s mad because his restaurant has an awful name. I mean, “Carl’s Jr?!?!?!?!” That doesn’t even make any sense.

Anyway, you wanna wash that artery spackle down with something? Try this on for size:

Worst Drink

Sonic Minute Maid Cranberry Juice Slush (large)450 calories 124 g sugars
Cranberry juice is like the Ryan Seacrest of drinks -- fine in small doses, but too sickly sweet to pour on heavy. A large has more sugar than three sodas. Steer clear of Sonic's slushes -- most deliver an entire meal's worth of calories.

Drink This Instead:
Cranberry Flavored Tea (large)62 calories 15 g sugar

OK, I love me some slushy goodness. I mean, what’s more refreshing on a hot summer day than a brain-freezing cup of syrupy slush?*** It’s a wonder my pancreas hasn’t just up and quit and reported me to OSHA for unsafe working conditions. Drinking an entire meal’s worth of calories is probably ok if:
1) It’s Slimfast and you are trying to lose weight
2) It’s Ensure and you are trying to gain weight
3) It’s milk and or formula and you are a baby and all you do is drink, cry and poop anyhow.
Generally, though, it’s probably a bad idea.


So there you have it. I’m going to go have a rice cake and a gallon of water, followed up by a brisk run up to Flemington. Wow.

* Of course we landed on the moon, you dingus! Seriously, they brought back rocks and everything!
** 20 slices to a pack, right? Like cigarettes?
*** Probably water. Or like, something with electrolytes if you’ve been running or something. Just sayin’.