Week 52- 235.1 A somewhat heavy post.

Starting weight: 264.2
Weight last week: 236.9
Current weight: 235.1
Lost this week: 1.8
Total lost to date: 29.1

Goal for this week: 2 pounds

Goal Weight: 180

Weight remaining to lose: 55.1

Happy Birthday!

Not to me, but to the Sporty By Forty Initiative! Almost thirty pounds. Considering it wasn't until very recently that I got very serious about this, that's not too shabby. It's hard to belive it's been a mere 12 months since I started this blog and an even shorter time since I really decided that enough was enough, thanks to my wife convincing me to rejoin Weight Watchers. Week 52, and while I had much larger aspirations than to have lost only 29.1 pounds by now, lets face it I had a hell of a year.* Let's see, cancer scare in the family, awaiting MRI results (both of which turned out to not be life threatening, thank God), my Mother's dying and my Father-In-Law having a stroke. Oh, I neglected to mention that he also broke his heel recently.

If I were you, I wouldn't stand too close. I hear we're having thunderstorms later. :)

I take long walks in the evening, and on occasions where I am not listening to my MP3 player, I let my mind wander. This can be pleasant as I am sometimes reminded of a friend I haven't spoken to in a long time, or maybe I just try and organize my addled brain. Sometimes I think about what I'll have for lunch tomorrow, or maybe about the blog. Yes, I think about this seemingly ramshackle collection of thoughts and words, believe it or not.

Not all of the posts, mind you...

Yes, sometimes it's best to let one's mind loose and just run with things. Gave me a nice line to a song the other day, not that I do a lot of songwriting these days, but it's nice to have some material in the bank.

Frequently, as of late, I am faced with thoughts of mortality. Not in the sense that I'm looking to punch my own ticket or anything, far from it. In fact, I am trying to figure out how to stay on the ride for as long as possible, and to have the highst quality time as well. Now, it may be beacuse I am actively trying to do something to get myself in shape that this comes up. I frequently find myself thinking "I should have started earlier. I should have listened to people who told me what I was doing to myself." The one question that my mind keeps turning back to is "Am I doing it in time to make a difference?"

When I stood next to my Mom's bed in Hospice and I watched her sleep I was struck my the awful finality of it all. She'd never see or hold her only Grandson again. She'd never tell my wife amazing stories that after 30-odd years she never even told me. She'd never get mad again when she'd ask us what we wanted for Christmas and we couldn't come up with a boatload of stuff. She'd never go outside and see the stars again. That really set me off, I don't know why. She'd said she had a nice view from her hospital room, and I was grateful for it, but God, those nights I was in Florida, staringup into the night sky, those stars were just brilliant. Maybe it's a little selfish, but she'll never get a chance to see me reach my goal.

I said to my wife before she got really bad, when she fractured her hip, initially that "I'm very scared that I will never see my Mom healthy again." I never knew how prophetic I was being. The next (and indeed, last) time I saw her was in a hospital bed, hooked up to oxygen, bruises up and down her arms from IVs and blood samples. I can still see her like that.

She told me I looked good, I told her they were giving her good drugs aparently. She laughed. She had said to me "If I have cancer, well, I smoked for fifty years, so I can't be suprised." I thought that was a pretty astounding attitude. When I was at a loss for words, she actually said "I'll tell you what, this sucks." I never heard he use that word before.

When I left to catch my plane I said to her "Mom, I'm sorry, I have to go..." and kissed her goodbye. "I'll try and come back and see you again soon." She looked up at me and said "Don't worry. "I'll be here."

Needless to say, she died soon after that. She got robbed, we all did.

So, knowing full well what I have been doing to myself with years of laziness and a shitty diet, I have to ask myself "Am I making these changes in time? Is it enough?" I sure as hell hope so, because I want to be here for as long as I can, Lord willng and the creek don't rise, as they say.

Sorry if I bummed anyone out today, if I did, I'm really sorry. I am happy that I have lost what I have so far and I'll be damned if I am going to let food get the better of me again.

If you read this regulary, thanks. I appreciate the support.

If you're reading this and wondering how you can possibly go to a gym, or run a 5K or ever be rid of the extra weight, just trust me when I say you can. It's not quick, it sure as hell isn't easy, but you can do it. Baby steps. Maybe you can't walk a mile. Walk around the block, walk at the mall (just bring a bottle of water and no cash for the food court!) but you can do it.

This whole thing isn't about falling down, it's about how you get back up again.



Fluff Department:

Oh, so I had to drop my kid off to school today, so I walked him down to his classroom and we passed a gym class getting ready to play dodgeball. On the way back, I saw the class playing. There was the expected general mayhem of dodgeball sure. This was different, however. The kids were arching the balls in the air towards the other team instead of straight on trying to bean the others. It's possible they were trying to score baskets as well, although they may have been a byproduct of the attack being more trajectory based then straight on chucking at your opponents. There were three kids in the front of each team with a pole that looked like half of one of those American Gladiators joust-type thingamabobs. They were swatting the balls back at the throwers. It was a whole new wrinkle. Balls arcing into the air, kids running, the squeak of sneakers on the gym floor. Honestly, it looked a lot more hectic than your old-school game of dodgeball. I stood and watched for a moment, but not too long because who wants to be the creepy guy watching the 5th graders have gym, right? All I can say is it looked like a heck of a lot of fun.





* I know, excuses, excuses.