Lots, let me tell you!
In January, the impetus for getting my
sorry and now considerably larger self back in shape was truly
forming. One fine morning I split my pants at the post office. OK,
specifically I was getting into my car not like, reaching for a book
of stamps or anything. Regardless, believe me when I say I
completely destroyed my pants. Like split them from the belt line,
all along the seam, right to the crotch.
Yes, I basically bisected a pair of
pants.
Now, in my defense, they were FadedGlory jeans from WalMart, which are basically the equivalent of pants made
from denim Kleenex*, but the fact remains that I basically had a pair
of DIY chaps on my hands. Erm, well, you know what I’m getting at, surely…
oh, you don't? Take a gander at this:
 |
| Ladies? How YOU doin? |
Yep, that'd be a cel pic I set to the
missus. You'll note the pink and tender buttock meat right there
indicating another crucial element to this story. That being: I chose this day to go commando.
Now, normally this wouldn't be too bad. I mean, who's gonna know? Well, anyone who had eyes actually. All i had to do was put on a fresh pair
but I wasn't home! Oh, no, that would be too easy. I was at the
supermarket and had two other errands to run, but hey, sometimes you
have to go back to go forward, you know?
So I run back home and check the area and
it seems all clear. So, I exit my vehicle, start walking towards the house, and I
hear it...The SCAT bus! Yeah, a bus load of senior citizens get a
glimpse of my pale and splotchy bottom You're welcome, Silver Foxes.
.
.
Next installment- Rich "mans up", toughs it out
and ends up in the hospital!
* Could you imagine a big box where pants pop up like tissue? That'd be awesome.
* Could you imagine a big box where pants pop up like tissue? That'd be awesome.
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