Marvin Gaye must not have been talking about this particular Night Shift

I think I like Day-Gymmers better than the Night-Gymmers. There's a few reasons, actually.

1) The music is, for the most part, approximately sixty seven kajillion % better during the day. The other day we had a run of Twisted Sister, Black Sabbath, Judas Priest, Van Halen, and a couple other great workin' out songs* before we got Queensryche'd**

2) The people are friendlier. Everyone is pretty happy (probably because they are not at work?) and you get "hello"s and whatnot.

3) there are, generally, more people who look like me (doughy) than people who look like Adonis.

The Night Shift is more problematic:

1) Club Music. Seriously? Dance music in a gym? I barely tolerate this crap in a club where dancing is supposed to take place, is one thing. It's dark and you're trying to "score with chicks***" and "hang with your bros" and whatever, but Christ Almighty, the lights are on, there's three women here (and they are more interested in their treadmills than you), and your music sucks donkey balls. Why does it need to be so loud my MP3 player can't compete?

2) What asshat decided dudes could wear giant diamond stud earrings? That's just another reason your dad wants to drive off a cliff, and your girlfriend's Dad thinks you're not good enough for his little girl.

3) another is that stupid trucker hat. Why are you wearing a blinged-out trucker in the gym in the first place? Also why are you wearing it like this?:



First, only one person can pull this off and his name is Scotty


And he's been dead since 1968.


You're at the gym. Seriously, man. I can understand the people who run in a sweatshirt and a toque to sweat a lot, but a vented trucker hat? Don't get me started about the baggy shorts and the awful Ed Hardy wifebeater.

I'm not a fashion plate. Never have been. I mean, I had a pair of Beatle Boots in 1990 so I am generally loath to give fashion advice, but I think, like "you wouldn't wear speedos and combat boots to a funeral****" this should be obvious.

Today, the gym was mobbed. I've never seen it so crowded during the day. I also got to see a dude using the 100 pound dumbells. I handed him my wallet as a precautionary measure in case he wanted it later.

He then walked across the room and ate a Stairmaster.


* What? Black Sabbath's "Children of the Grave" is a phenomenal treadmill tune!

** Yeah, one of the slower tracks. Messed up my whole rhythm. "Queen of the Reich" would have solved that, spit-spot.

*** or are they "bitches" and "hoes" these days? I can never keep up.

**** unless it's in the will, of course. Hee hee, I can picture this now. "Dammit, someone help Uncle Earl into his Doc Marten's! We have to get to the Funeral home, we're pall bearers for crying out loud!"