Hey, check out what my Lovely Assistant(tm) got for me.

Perfect PushUp!


My wife is super awesome. She got me a "your wife doesn't have cancer" present!

Yeah, that was the heavy stuff I was dealing with (well we were dealing with...) and I'm really psyched and relieved that she's OK.

I will be busting these out tomorrow morning and I'll let you know how it goes.

Week 14: 255.0

Starting weight: 264.2
Weight last week: 257.1
Current weight: 255.0
Lost this week: 2.1
Total lost: 9.2 pounds
Goal for this week: Oh, I'm feeling saucy. I'm gonna go ahead and say three pounds!

Goal Weight: 180

Weight remaining to lose: 75.0

Not bad. Didn't hit it as hard as I wanted to but some heavy things were still on the boilerplate. I should be able to elucidate further soon.

I want to buy a set of those "perfect push up" handle doo dads. I think it'll be easier for me to do push ups with them because the arthritis in my right hand has been absolutely killing me lately. It hasn't been too bad for the past two days but it was awful over the weekend.

One more reason to lose weight, or, Just when i thought I got out...The pull me back in!!!

October, 30 2008 at Mischief Night Massacre! w/ Calamity Menagerie & Friends!
3276 Washington Road, Parlin, New Jersey 08859

Halloween Madness! Calamity Menagerie with: The O>matics,
The Break Evens
The Professor
What’s The Scoop?!
plus the reunions of:

Grover Kent and Jerk Chicken!

Yep. You read that correctly. We’re doing a mini “Reunion-ette” at this show. Basically it’ll be me and the Break Evens playing for a little while. It should be fun, as we haven’t played in a year now and I have actively retired from music. I don’t see this as coming out of retirement either, in case you were wondering.

However, I do not wanna look like a giant panting wildebeast up there so the game is afoot!

Rain, rain, go away!

Well, it’s raining and people are driving like absolute asshats. The amount of rampant stupidity witnessed in my home state of NJ once the rain starts a-fallin’ in is mind numbing. It’s like these people have never seen rain before.

“Well, honey, it was a nice sunny day, but now those grey, cottony looking things are blocking the sun.”

“Carl, I’m scared!”

“Don’t worry honey, it’ll be…What the devil is this?!?!?! Water?!?!?! Sheila! It’s water! Water is falling from the sky!

“Oh no, Carl! What will we do!?!?!”

“I don’t know! Wait, I have an idea! I’ll try changing lanes at random without using any signals…”

“Is it working?!?! My eyes are closed!”

“No, no, it’s just coming down harder! I don’t understand it! I’ve slowed down to 20 miles an hour and randomly changed lanes. I’ve kept the headlights off! It’s no good! Sheila, I think it what we’ve always feared…the End Times…

“The Rapture! Take us home, Jesus!!!” (cue screeching tires…)

Seriously, it’s like they found a tribe of lost prehistoric desert nomads and just set them on the roads in cars to see what would happen. Meanwhile, I just want to get back to the office without hitting someone.

For crying out loud you chuckle-heads, it’s rain. Out of the huge list of stuff falling out of the sky that would make driving much more difficult*, a little water is waaaaaaay down on the list. I could understand people driving like cracked-out zoo monkeys if it were, say, toads or a rain of Holy, cleansing fire, or something, but this is a pretty regular occurrence here in the Garden State. These are the people who, the minute any sort of Tropical Storm/Hurricane/Blizzard or whatever get predicted, buy up all the milk, bread and eggs in a 6 mile radius from their home. How much French Toast do you need, people?

Anyway, I expect a little downward trend A.K.A. actual weight loss this week because a previously tight shirt is now fitting much more loosely, and that’s pretty exciting.

Have a good weekend and try to get out while you still can. It’s supposed to be super nice, so get out there before it becomes cold, windy and snowy. Then we’ll really see some driving!





*I believe the following things, falling from the sky, would be valid excuses for driving like a jackass:
(Please note: this is not a complete list)

• Toads
• Holy Cleansing Fire
• Blood
• Ketchup
• Hamburgers
• Naked ladies
• Those really big hardcover books that are always on discount at the front of Borders.
• Hardcore Pornography (it’s not so much the magazines and DVDs, but the stream of 14 year old boys darting out into traffic trying to grab them. That would probably apply to the naked ladies too now I get to thinking about it…)
• Your mom
• My mom
• The 1977 Dallas Cowboys
• Actual cowboys
• 112,000 autographed 8x10 glossy photographs of a shirtless Ed Asner.

Week 13: 257.1

Starting weight: 264.2
Weight last week: 251.1
Current weight: 257.1
Lost this week: 0 (up 1)
Total lost: 7.1 pounds
Goal for this week: At this point, any downward trend would be bitchin'

Goal Weight: 180

Weight remaining to lose: 77.1

Sorry for the lack of blog-tivity this week, but it’s been a bitch of a week.

Took a good long look at myself in the mirror this morning and was summarily disgusted. Seriously. I mean, I’ve been under a fair amount of stress as of late and I have just stopped going to the gym. It’s just so damned early and I have been so damned tired. Probably “so damned lazy” as well, truth be told. But I caught sight of that horrendously pale, doughy son of a bitch in the mirror and said, “Man, that’s you!”

What happened, indeed.

When I was a kid I was skinny. There are pictures of me where you can distinctly see ribs. There’s no gut. I was an 8 year old Adonis. Things started getting chubby at around 12. So, obviously, I blame 1982 for the start of my troubles!

I was never a vegetable eater either. I like them raw, but not cooked, even to this day. I mean, I eat them, but I never in the middle of the day think “Man, I could really go for some peas right now!” White Castle, on the other hand…Well, you know what I’m saying.

I am Junk Food’s bitch. This is not a relationship I enjoy, it’s bad for me, and it makes me look and feel like crap. It’s tough to get away from. Sometimes I feel like one of those junkies on Intervention. I was showing some improvement in the gut and face area and it’s gone again.

So, I gotta get up again, and dust myself off, and get back to work.

Week 12: 256.1

Starting weight: 264.2
Weight last week: 254.1
Current weight: 256.1
Lost this week: 0 (up 2)
Total lost: 8.1 pounds
Goal for this week: 2 pounds (for real.)

Goal Weight: 180

Weight remaining to lose: 76.1


Today’s weigh in: Not completely unexpected. Yeah, the last weekend of the summer season, and I attended a cookout yesterday. This should be read as “I ate like I was going to the electric chair.”

Chips, blueberries, more chips, 2 hot dogs, 2 burgers, a pickle, and 2 pieces of M&M Ice cream cake. I mean, come on, Rich. However, I knew what I was getting into, I wasn’t going to try and hold back and just went and enjoyed myself.

This of course means severe punishment this week. And by that I mean “not a lot of sleep and a lot of sweating!” I’m not terribly upset about this really, mainly because I was expecing it to be oh, so much worse. Expect better things next week, when I won’t be attending cookouts and whatnot.

Today's score:Our Hero-0, General Tso-1

Yeah, happy birthday to me, yesterday. I pigged out on the General Tso’s combo platter (with Pork fried rice and Wonton soup) and it was so very, very good.

About an hour later, I was not as the old joke says, “hungry again.” No, I was sleepy. And I stayed up to see what my auctions would close at, which was a bad idea as well.

Today I am draggin’ ass in a spectacular fashion. Now I remember why I don’t have Chinese food for dinner anymore. Amazingly, I am not spectacularly bloated or anything today, go figure.

I should have weighed myself to see if the salt caused me to retain eleventy billion gallons of water.


Endnotes:
Oh I got the Don Rickels book yesterday, along with another one about a white collar guy who tries to live on minimum wage. They look good, I just have to finish my newest Terry Pratchett (Night Watch) and the book I got at the Dollar Tree (“King of King’s County” by Whitney Terrell).

I have learned I can only do 2 at a time nowadays.

The missus and I got a card recently from someone I had kind of given up hope on hearing from again. It’s funny, but I was going to call them because of that damned Christian the Lion video on YouTube where at the end it’s like “you should get in touch with someone you have lost touch with.” In other words, don’t be such a thickhead about it, ya dope. When I call, I’m going to ask if that’s why they decided to send the card. That’s the kind of serendipity I expect in situations like this.