Wait a second! It's still 2008!

Your trivia fact for the day:

There’s actually a “Leap Second” applied to 2008*, so if you can make that New Years Smooch(tm) last a tad longer, do it to it! I don’t really know exactly why they add in a Leap Second. It’s got something to do with Atomic clocks and Solar Time and maybe I’m tired but it’s not sinking in at all. I think it’s how Dick Clark extends his possibly science-fueled/possibly demonic reign of near-immortality. Lets face it, the man is only hanging on until we can build him a suitable robot body anyway.

The question for the day is: am I actually going to make it until midnight (plus one second)?

Well, let’s kick 2008 to the curb and hope 2009 isn’t as much as a punch in the sack as this last year was**


Tomorrow- 100th post! Holy crap!





*seriously! Look it up! Ok, fine, I’ll do it for you: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Leap_second
**And I do not mean getting hit while in bed.

Week 29: 256.0 Correction: not 100th post! wooo!

Starting weight: 264.2
Weight last week: 258.8
Current weight: 256.0
Lost this week: 2.8 pounds
Total lost to date: 8.2
Goal for this week: 2 pounds

Goal Weight: 180

Weight remaining to lose: 78.4



Look at that. The hit counter goes up, the weight starts to come down. It’s a nice combo! I wish it was directly connected because I could click my way to smaller pants.

I hope your Christmas was better than ours. There was sickness and disappointment of not seeing family. It kinda sucked, kids, but what can you do but plow resolutely forward? Ever onwards, eh?

So, another Christmas come and gone and we got a new Doctor Who special, which was pretty great. It’s going to be sad to see David Tennant go, but what can you do? The show has been about change from the first time Ian and Barbara followed that girl into the phone box in Trotter’s Lane so many years ago.

We also got a new Wallace and Gromit special entitled A Matter of Loaf and Death which was charming, funny and a blast, as per usual!*

It occurs to me that this is supposed to be a fitness/weight loss blog, right? So far all I talked about was Christmas and BBC programming. I should tie this into fitness somehow. OK. Erm…lemme think… Oh all right:

Here’s Rich’s Food Tip #1-

If you order take out, don’t eat it out of the container it came home in. If you’re like me, your brain kicks into “Mortal Kombat” mode** and you eat it all up, yum. The problem with that is, generally, a restaurant portion is way bigger than it needs to be. You’re eating two, maybe three meals there. If it’s something good, you can have it again! So, slap it on a plate and you’ll be good to go.

Some of you may be thinking “Well, duh, that’s pretty much common knowledge, dum-dum” but you’d be surprised how well it works.

Stay Tuned for MORE future Food Tips, coming soon!***

OK, I’m going to try and post tomorrow, and then on Friday because I ought to be home and doing stuff anyway.






*for those of you wondering, I do not live in the UK. I watched these via the magic of the interweb!

** Where you look into the container and all you hear is “Finish him!” I realize this joke will only be funny to a very small segment of readers and I am OK with that.

*** Now, you and I both realize I’m gonna forget about the Food Tip thing for at least three months, right? OK, just so we’re clear.

Merry Christmas, Everybody (with aplogies to Slade)

who would have said "Happy Christmas."

Hope the day was great, whatever you celebrate.

Week 28: 258.8

Starting weight: 264.2
Weight last week: 261.8
Current weight: 258.8
Lost this week: 3 pounds
Total lost to date: 5.4
Goal for this week: 2 pounds

Goal Weight: 180

Weight remaining to lose: 81.2

Not that I recommend how I did it, mind you. I was home sick yesterday, throwing my guts up. Ugh. I’m much better today despite looking like hell because I broke all the blood vessels in my face from throwing up so hard. Today, I am a remarkable shade of puce. Someone asked me if I had gone tanning. Many people asked me if I was OK, but our receptionist Beth knew what was up.

2008 is looking to end with a bang, or at least a sickening squishy sound…Sick, then The Gout, then this…

Ah well. What can you do, right? At least the chances of more random plates of nibblies coming up in the office isn’t high.

Oh, I went to visit my friend at the Flea Market today, and rubbed my eye and came away with blood. Apparently I scratched the side of my nose, but initially I said “Oh, what’s this? Now I’m bleeding from my eye?!?!?! Fantastic!” I mean let’s face it, it would stand to reason, but my friend was like “No, you’re cool! You scratched your face is all!”

Yeah, I had a minor panic.

Oh, and I want Five Guys* so bad today...




*It's a burger resturaunt, you gutter-brained jackass!

Beyond a reasonable gout...

You’re reading that right. I am having a gout attack and I’m just dying. I feel like I have a foot full of broken glass. If you’ve never had gout (or as many people call it “The Gout” and let me tell you, it hurts enough to have capital letters) be thankful. It’s the second worst pain I have ever felt in my life, and might just tie for first.

Tomorrow’s appointment with Ann is gonna really suck.

Week 27- Part Deux: 261.8

Starting weight: 264.2
Weight last week: 256.1
Current weight: 261.8
Lost this week: I should really change this heading…UP AGAIN. This time 5.7 pounds!
Total lost to date: 2.4
Goal for this week: Not to give up this entire venue and just eat an entire f**king bakery.

Goal Weight: 180

Weight remaining to lose: 84.2 What the hell am I doing!?!?!


Yeah. That’s right. Almost 6 pounds. I am within spitting distance of my heaviest weight, again. I’m so close to going to a buffet today for lunch and eating until I explode like the guy in Monty Python’s Meaning of Life.

Instead, I will go have a banana, and get back on the horse.

Sorry, Trigger. We’re a little heavier this week.

Giddyup.




Oh, and congrats to Michelle, who won the Biggest Loser last night. And a big “ha-ha” to that troll-headed jerk, Vicky, who lost by ONE POUND to come in third. Not that she would have won the whole thing, but you came in last of the three! That’s Karma, baby. You connived you way to the finale and fell on your giant head.

I am somewhat annoyed that Heba took home the 100K second prize (because she’s kind of a jerk), but she did earn it, and looked great, so I have to hand it to her.

Week 27: Guess what, you dope? It's Tuesday!

I had yesterday off for some personal stuff, and honestly thought today was Monday. So I get to work today and someone said “Looking forward to today’s update!” and I though, “well, bollocks! It’s Tuesday isn’t it? Damn, blast and double-damn!”

My bad eating has been just awful lately and I know I am going to pay the piper on Friday when I go in for a blood test. Ann (My N.P.) is going to beat me senseless*, I’m sure. She’s amazing with guilt. Really she weaves a tapestry of it, making me feel like an even bigger schmendrick than I feel like already for eating like a moron.

I’m starting to think I need a 12-step program to combat my addiction to Food I Know Full Well is Going to Kill Me Eventually But Seem to Keep Eating Anyway, Because I am a Complete Asshat. Perhaps there's a 12-step asshat recovery program.

I will likely Weigh In tomorrow. Hooray!

Tune in then to see if I have gone from Fat Guy to Colossal Fat Guy!


*I mean, not for real. She's a very nice woman, my Nurse Practitioner is, and I don't think I am in a Quentin Tarantino movie so the chances of her busting out some preying mantis-style Kung Fu on me are probably pretty limited.

Well, lookee there!

We broke the One Thousand Page Views barrier!

So far I’ve had one comment, from my cousin, about dollar store soda.

That’s ok, though. Baby steps, baby steps.

So, I made my usual $1 store stop for tissues and assorted sundries yesterday and purchased the debut album by the Captain and Tenille. Yes, 1975’s Love Will Keep Us Together available digitally remastered (and with new liner notes by Toni Tenille! Ooooo!) for a buck. I figured I really like that song, and if I had downloaded it from say, iTunes or whatever, I’d pay the buck for 1 track, so I might as well get the CD and that way I’d get them doing “God Only knows” by the Beach Boys as well, so I bit the bullet. They look like they have the entire catalog there at Dollar Tree, so if you’re into Captain and Tenille, have at it!

Hump Day musings

First order of business:

My friend Janet is not, I repeat, not a nag.*

So, I blogged here recently about my new Facebook account. It’s pretty bizarre, especially since I have now been in contact with people from High School, Grammar school and my FIRST grammar school to boot. Some of these people I haven’t seen since like, oh I dunno, 1978 or something insane like that. It’s so weird. Some of them look the same, only older. Some of them look the same, just taller. Some of them are entirely new people.** In pictures of us in 2nd grade we all look like we should be living in Williamsburg, 2008. Fashionistas!

Once a week I treat myself to a soda. Normally I have a Coke Zero. If the dollar store is out of that I get a diet Dr. Pepper. They were all warm today so I grabbed a Diet Pepsi. Now, I don’t know if I got a bum bottle or what, but it was like drinking robot tinkle. No, I don’t actually know what robot tinkle tastes like, but I was trying to figure out what sort of whiz that might convey the ugly, semi metallic tang that my bottle of soda had to it. Urgh.

So, the last auctions of 2008 are going up today. They will close next Monday, so if you win, pay promptly and choose Priority mail and you should have stuff for Christmas!







*she’s a pushy so-and-so, but certainly not a nag! :)
** the “new people” generally fall into the “strapping shaved head” variety.

Week 26: 256.1

Starting weight: 264.2
Weight last week: 253.5
Current weight: 256.1
Lost this week: UP! 2.6!
Total lost to date: 8.1! And back I go over the 10 pound hump the other way!
Goal for this week: 3 pounds. Also, to bloody well keep it off!

Goal Weight: 180

Weight remaining to lose: 75.1

I’m mad as hell at my number this week. I thought about lying about it, I really did. I could say “Oh, look, I maintained, and I’ll lose more next week” or some such load of crap. I didn’t though because it wouldn’t be fair. It wouldn’t be fair to me, or the people who read this, whoever they are. Oh, that brings me to something else.

We’re going to break 1,000 page views, probably today. I find that exciting, because I wonder how many people are actually reading this. No one ever leaves any comments, and I’m not fishing for any. Back in the day (2000 or so) you could put a guestbook on your website, and people would sign it! Of course, back in 2000, very few people I knew had cable modems, there was no MySpace, and any knucklehead with a halfway ridiculous idea and a dopey name (anyone remember kozmo.com or flooz.com? Yeah…) could get eleventy billion dollars in venture capital. We were all so innocent.

I also weighed like 220 pounds or so.

So I need to make sure I have the fatass-wayback machine (ooo! I can call it the Weighback Machine!) pointed in the right direction again. I could swear I was going to lose today, but what can you do? Back on the elliptical!

Re: The lack of updates

AKA: All right, already, Janet, I get the point.

Sorry, kids!

The usual updates will resume shortly.

Penny Pinching (Poorly)

Yeah, so I went to Subway for lunch yesterday, and I was feeling pretty crummy, as previously reported. After my 6” turkey sammich, however I was feeling like a million bucks*! I wondered why that was, but I guess it was just what my body was wanting at the time. Mind you, at one point it was lobbying pretty hard for something awful before that, so I won out.

In the shower this morning I thought I should make it obvious that I did not buy the $5 Footlong, so that I didn’t seem like a glutton, eating a 12” sandwich in one sitting. In retrospect I totally should have bought the infernal thing because it’s like fifty cents for a full additional sammich! I could have saved it for dinner. The frugal cheap bastard part of me should have realized that! I need to keep that in mind for next time. I mean, I’m not in Subway all that often but when I am, it’d pay to get the deal and have food for later. In these tough economic times, you gotta save where you can.

I went to Blockbuster right after (mainly because it’s next door, and I’d be far more tempted to spend bigger bucks at the comic book store across the street) because I know they are having a clearance sale. I went looking for 1 thing. That being Harry Potter ad the Order of the Phoenix but it was $10 used or 4/$20. Mind you, I could easily drop twenty clams there and get four films, but I’m trying to save and not buy anything that I don’t actually need. I’ve been driving around with a cassette adapter with a wonky wire for like 6 months now. I purchased a cheap one at Five Below and it was like lighting up a Lincoln. A total waste of cash in other words, the music sounded like it was underwater!

I listen to a lot of music (mainly instrumental stuff or old time radio stuff if I have the Boy in the car. He loves Herb Alpert, and the soundtrack for Miyazaki’s Kiki’s Delivery Service!) in the car so this has been a real PITA. Now that the weather is colder, the wire is stiffer and it drops out more. This isn’t as annoying listening to say, The New Adventures of Nero Wolfe or my umpteenth run through one of the Harry Potter books, but when you’re cranking something really great and it cuts out because you made a left turn, maybe it’s time to open up the wallet. I found a new one (same model I have) for under ten bucks shipped on Ebay, so I’ll just get a new one.

I told you I’m a cheap bastard.

Oh, and in the “Ever since I became a father I can be made to cry at the drop of a hat” department: There’s this commercial for St. Jude’s hospital on TV where they show all these kids with cancer. Now normally I see this and feel pretty bad but I remain composed. Then they cut to this little bald girl running down a hallway being followed by someone with what looked like a blood transfusion bag attached to her and I lost it completely. That little girl looked so happy and unaware of her sickness, and I thought of my own kid, and I lost it.

Damn sappy commercials.

OK, In continued Biggest Loser news; how in the world is that complete asshat Vicky still on? She’s such a conniving beast, I can hardly stand it. Another thing, at this late stage of the game, why the hell are people still playing teams? It doesn’t make any sense. I hope Michele takes it, because, she’s young and plucky, and the remaining three contestants are bullies and assholes, honestly. Heba’s a pushy whiner, Ed’s just a bully and Vicky…Words cannot express how much I cannot stand her.

Ugh.

Well, two weeks until the finale!

*after taxes, but still...

Week 25: 253.5

Starting weight: 264.2
Weight last week: 256.9
Current weight: 253.5
Lost this week: 3.4
Total lost to date: 10.7! Back over the 1st hump!
Goal for this week: 2 pounds (i'd love to say 3.5 so I could get below 250!)

Goal Weight: 180

Weight remaining to lose: 73.5

OK, first off, The Lad is OK, and he’s back in action like nobody’s business. We got home at about 5:20 or so and he immediately went to play with some toys and my wife and I nipped that in the bud and the two of them slept. I finally passed out at 6:30 and got up at 9. I did get a good night’s sleep last night though.

Anyway, lookee there, 3.4 pounds down. Not having those Turkey Day leftovers really makes a difference!

Not much else to say other than boy, I am still whipped today. That first day back after a long cold is always a doozy.

I also suddenly have no voice now. Lovely!

Yeah...

The ER blows.

Well, now guess who's sick?

Well, I'm feeling a little bit better, but my cough is nagging. no nap today, I toughed it out. I really was feeling like shit, ever since Wednesday. well, it was bound to happen. I wasn't sleeping well, my immune system was probably low and shazam, I got sick.

I went to bed about 40 minutes ago and now the little one is a little wheezy while he's sleeping. I gave him some cough medicine and we're giving it 20 minutes of so to kick in before we consider taking the sprout to the ER.

I'm up for the 20 minutes.

I hate being sick over a nice 4 day weekend only to be well enough to go back to work on Monday. So much for my glorious plans of working out like a carthorse this weekend. On the other hand, I didn't eat a whole lot, so maybe it'll all balance out. My 5 pound goal is probably completely shot to hell though. Ah well.

I'm hoping we do not have to take him to the ER because, quite frankly, the ER blows. We had to do it once before when he really had the croupy cough one night and they said it would help to take him outside as the cold air should help. We put the air conditioner on in the bedroom. Yes, you read that right. My guess is that ought to help. He's actually sleeping so I hate to think about taking him out in the crap weather we're having if we don't have to, you know.

Well, time is up. I'm gonna go check on the boy.

Not dead, sick.

Yeah, that'd be that. Need naps.

Now I really feel like a jerk...

You know, when you’re feeling down, sometimes the man upstairs will give you one of those “Oh, yeah?” moments. You know, where you’re feeling mopey and dumped on and sorry for yourself and that you have the Reverse Midas Touch* but then God says “Oh yeah? Yeah, I can see how bad you have it. Indeed, it sucks to be you, sure. Do me a solid though, and check this out for a moment…” and promptly smacks you across the face with the cold fish of reality.

WARNING: Legitimate heartbreaking content included in the following links!

DO NOT READ IF YOU DON’T WANT TO BAWL YOUR EYES OUT. THAT IS YOUR LAST WARNING!

http://www.komonews.com/news/34851839.html
http://www.komonews.com/news/problemsolvers/34862329.html
http://www.komonews.com/news/problemsolvers/34241094.html



Now, I really feel like a jerk for being the sad-sack SOB I was this morning, and so I should.

Rest in Peace Brenden Foster. You handled yourself with far more class and dignity than a lot of adults would have. Shoot, I know you handled yourself better then I would have. Eleven years old and you’re just glad you got to ride the ride for as long as you did.

The world is a better place having had you in it, for the short time you were here. If there’s a heaven, you’re undoubtedly in it.




*you know what I mean, where you feel like everything you touch turns to shit and garbage?

Week 24: 256.9! :sigh:

Starting weight: 264.2
Weight last week: 255.0
Current weight: 256.9
Lost this week: 0! Up 1.9
Total lost to date: 7.3…not nearly enough to make a difference, is it?
Goal for this week: 5 pounds. Yes I am 100% serious

Goal Weight: 180

Weight remaining to lose: 76.9

I’m not surprised, I haven’t been doing anything. Lately I have been tired and annoyed. I got my first halfway decent night’s sleep since last Monday. I went to bed at 10:30 and got up at 6:30 and actually felt a little rested.

I am developing a cough (hooray!) so we’ll see if last year’s completely awesome cycle can be repeated. In 2007, I got sick at Thanksgiving for two weeks, then recovered for two weeks, then got sick for two more weeks, and so on, and so on, lather, rinse, and repeat, until my son’s birthday in APRIL 2008! If I start this again this year I’m going to flip my goddamn wig. It was absolutely maddening last time.

Now, before you tell me “Well, Chunky, if you were in better shape you probably wouldn’t get sick so much,” let me tell you that I realize that, OK? That doesn’t make it any easier.

The coffee at work tastes funny today, although that may be due to me having to use actual sugar, instead of Splenda, which we are out of.

Which, I just realized my friend gave me a full box of…

Sheesh.

I just want to go to bed and press “reset.”

Really!?! What, we're out of Tang or something?

Read this morning that one of the things they are installing in the International Space Station on their current mission is a machine that will recycle the astronaut’s sweat and urine into drinkable water. No, really!*

Here’s the article: http://blog.wired.com/wiredscience/2008/11/nasas-space-shu.html

And you think dehydration’s a harsh mistress here on earth!

Anyhow, I feel pretty good today. This is likely to change a little this evening, however. Band practice tonight, and I’m bringing 2 guitars. I’m gonna try and do the whole thing with the SG because
1) It’s lighter and
2) I need to see if it’s going to stay in tune since I had the headstock repaired.

That’s that for now.

Oh, before I forget, why didn't Amy C vote off Vicki on Biggest Loser last night. Argh! Vicki is such a low class conniving asshat, that I am sure this will bite Amy C on her ever shrinking buttocks.



*Honest!

Week 23: 255.0!

Starting weight: 264.2
Weight last week: 255.0
Current weight: 255.0
Lost this week: 0!
Total lost to date: 9.2 pounds
Goal for this week: let’s try this again! 1 pound, just to pass the 10 pound mark! Was that clear enough?

Goal Weight: 180

Weight remaining to lose: 75


Another night of tossing and turning, another night of very odd dreams. My neck is killing me today, I’m having a lot of trouble moving my head quickly, and boy howdy, I am in a foul mood.

Ornery like your maiden Aunt’s three hundred year old cat. You know the one, weighs like 12 pounds, deaf as a post and Aunt Gabby is the only one allowed to hold Mr. Rupert T Fufferkins. Ugh. I also dropped my kid’s waffles (buttered AND syrupy of course!) on the floor this morning, and swore like an Italian truck driver.*

I’m OK with today’s number, because I bet it’s lower in real life because I’m also bloated as all get out. The answer is most likely more fiber. That’s the answer to a lot of things.


*What? I’m serious, I said “Ah, fongul!” which simply has to be spelled wrong. What can I say? I swear phonetically. When I drop something and say “shimata!” I am not thinking in bloody kanji!

Attn Kids: Stay/Get in shape now. It's seriously for your own good. Lord, I hurt.

The Final ERGS!/Hunchback show at Asbury Lanes Saturday night was a doozy, let me tell you! I somehow managed to survive despite not taking a nap!

Lemuria opened up and, wow, what a band! Their recordings do them no justice at all. This merely reminded me that I need to get their new album (OK, “new” is relative as it came out in February or something). I’m not super crazy about Hunchback, but they were pretty good.

I have previously described the Ergs as a “machine” but Saturday they were more like one three part animal, melding with the crowd until it was all one giant, sweaty, throbbing organism.

I am not as young as I once was so I promptly removed myself from the pit and watched the show from various other vantage points around the venue. I got to meet some people I have wanted to meet for a while, and catch up with some others. By the time I crawled into bed at three forty-five A.M. I was completely spent.

Yesterday I felt OK, a little stiff, but nothing crazy. Today I am like a victim of a blanket party.

One more reason to get in shape kids. After you’re thirty-five, shows will kill you if you don’t get in/stay in shape.

Photographer Marc Gaertner took some pics of it. Only the matinee show is up, you can view them here:
http://www.photo.marc-gaertner.de/zenphoto/index.php?album=2008%2F11-15-final-ergs%2Fearly

Thank heavens I didn’t go to the Philly Show at Khyber Pass. There are pictures of that as well, and holy crow, it was like the trash compactor scene in Star Wars, only with sweaty punk rockers.

I should be recovered enough for my bands show Saturday which will enable me to be a basket case this Sunday as well!

Fun Size (Please note: this post does *not* refer to short girls)

I had a fun size Nestle Crunch bar today because I was craving chocolate and all my other options were either

1) Fricking Ginormous or
2) Not real good candy

There was other candy around, sure. The first phase of Eating Season (Halloween through New Years, with a brief reprise at Easter) may have been defeated, but pockets of resistance remain! The person across from me has these little plastic bottles with powder candy in them. As I am not 11 years old anymore I simply cannot consume that kind of candy without upsetting my delicate constitution. Plus I’d probably get all snoozy like an hour later.

The only thing a Fun Size candy bar does for me is make me want additional Fun Size candy bars. Not so much ½ hour later or so, but right after I was like “Well, that was a nice suggestion of a snack. Where can I get more?” Now I appear to be OK.

That is all!

See you at the ERGS! show on Saturday night, kids! Woo!

Oooo! This is so going in my blog!

Business first:

We had our busiest day ever here at the Sporty by Forty ranch last Thursday with a whopping 15 unique visitors. Why Thursday, I wonder?
I’ve been trying to make sure I put tags in the tag are for my blogs, but I am spotty at best.

One of these days I am going to update all tagless entries.

Now, on to the topic at hand:

One of the drawbacks to people knowing you have a blog about trying to get healthy is, when they see you eating something that is obviously unhealthy they invariably go “so, are you going to put in your blog that you ate all those chips/cookies/etc?” This happened at my niece’s birthday party this past Sunday.

Now, I know when I go to things like this, that it is futile to try and stick to any sort of strict eating rules. You have to plan ahead for this type of thing. I try my best, but, like any other social animal I graze in groups. So, when my mother in law busted out the chips and dip I took a small plate of them, no dip. Not a big fan of dip. I sometimes use applesauce, but that’s not important right now!

Anyway, despite best intentions, I packed a decent amount of chips into my gaping maw. So my brother in law asks the above blogging/chip consumption question. I tell him "yeah, I’ll reference it in some way if I can cram it in where it’s relevant." Then I got to thinking, a lot of people I know read my blog, and you have to wonder when they see me if they are like “Hey, it’s working” or “Well, he is trying, bless him,” or “For crying out loud, would you look at the size of that guy? Did he walk by a bakery and just lose all control?”

Not that it matters, really. I’m pretty much beyond what others may think in the grand scheme anyway, it’s about how I feel and look to myself.

Stuff:
Watching The Biggest Loser last night reminded me that I’d like to get one of those plastic aerobic steps to add to the home arsenal. Back before I saw the use for them, I used to see them out for the trash (some of them brand spanking new!) but ever since I thought to myself, “Self, you ought to grab a set the next time you see ‘em” it’s been absolutely nothing! Not even at the flea market or garage sales. I could have built a goddamned fort out of all the ones I let go to the landfill and now I’m being punished for some reason. I don't want to buy a new set when it it's a historical fact that these frequently line the streets for free. Low-hanging fruit, my friends!

Addedum:

My good friend and pseudo-cousin* Rob co-hosts an informative, funny and frequently profane podcast ostensibly about X-Men comics, but does, on accassion, stray off topic.
http://www.uncannyxcast.com

good stuff, but not for the under 16 set, just to be safe.



*You know, our moms were friends for 11 billion years, the kids called your mom "Aunt So-and-so" and vice-versa.

Week 22: 255.0!

Starting weight: 264.2
Weight last week: 258.5
Current weight: 255.0
Lost this week: 3.5
Total lost to date: 9.2 pounds
Goal for this week: 1 pound (just to pass the 10 pound mark!)

Goal Weight: 180

Weight remaining to lose: 75


THAT’S RIGHT!

It’s not record breaking, it’s not earth shaking, it’s not even the most I have lost in 1 week, but it’s down so there you go. I am happy. By next week I am hoping to be back in the 10 pound club, and after that, well the sky is the limit, isn’t it?

OK, really 75 more pounds or so is the actual limit.

I’m pretty pleased. I’m trying desperately to get used to being up early again and exercising and it’s been tough, but we* shall overcome.


If you’re looking for an MP3 Player for the gym or jogging you could really do a hell of a lot worse than this. We have the 1GB model that we put our son’s music on to play in the car (through the radio! We’re not putting headphones on him so hang up the calls to DYFS) and it’s terrific. It’s probably the best sounding MP3 player I have ever heard, and I have heard plenty. It’s as good if not better then my wife’s old Rio Carbon, which ruled, but was stolen by the day laborers at the car wash. That was a 4GB and it was on a tiny hard drive. The Sansa players are solid state, so even if you run like Phoebe on Friends, no skippage!
http://www.engadget.com/2008/11/11/sandisks-sansa-clip-upgrades-to-8gb-stays-tiny/

One of these days, when my Dell gives up the ghost, I will try and install a 32 GB Compact Flash card in place of the 20 GB laptop drive that’s in there. I don’t know if that will even work, but I’d love a 32GB solid state MP3 player.



*”we” meaning “me!”

Missed Connections- You: Snazzy NJ-based fitness facility. Me: fat dude.

I didn’t get together with Gym yet. I did, however take a nice almost hour long walk yesterday. By “nice” I mean painful and sweat inducing, so that’s good. I also picked up my hefty lottery winnings from Wed night’s Cash 5 drawing (Eleven dollars, thank you very much!) so that was cool as well.

I walked up at the waterfront today* because it was kind of nice out. There I saw a woman who looked remarkably like actress Lalla Ward, but with wavier hair. Not like she looks now, but like she looked in 1982. She was walking a cocker spaniel and I though to myself, “Yes, I can totally see Lalla Ward having that kind of dog.”

Now I know it wasn’t the ex-Mrs. Tom Baker (this woman was in her 20’s for one reason) but if it was I’m pretty sure I’d go back Monday morning with my Who DVDs like some sort of stalker/nerd hybrid.

By the way, I started a Facebook page and have no bloody idea what I am doing. Is it me or is it very cluttered?




*Yeesh! That sounds like I was trolling for dockworkers or something…

Reconciliation

Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, and to all our ships at sea, I have a confession to make.*

I need to make reconciliation, and it needs to be done, here, in a public forum.

I have been separated from Jim for many months now, and it’s high time we get back together.

Oh, crap, I’m sorry. Did I spell that as “Jim?”

Silly me, I don’t know where my head’s at! That’s supposed to be “Gym.” You know, spelled G-Y-M! ** (last name is "Nasium." Yes, I went there.)

Dear Gym,

I miss those early morning walks, Gym. You remember, where I’d come by and we’d watch the news together or listen to some Old Time Radio shows while walking…

I miss the way my heart would race when we were together!

I remember how good you made me feel!

Remember how much I would sweat when we were together, Gym?

…erm…uh…Hold the phone there, folks…

Ok, I may have overdone it and hit the Creepy Allegory Zone with that last one. Sorry about that, kids. Heh.

Anyway, I miss you, Gym.

I’m coming to see you tomorrow! I’ll wear those ratty shorts and the tiki shirt that I know you like!

(cue music, cut to me running across a meadow and then stopping half way because I’m winded…)


*OK, two confessions, actually. The second one is I couldn’t remember how to spell “reconciliation.”
** not to be confused with “Jym,” long time drummer for the Mr. T Experience. We’ve never been linked romantically, but the man is one hell of a drummer!

Diabetus!

So Janet saw the pic of me playing and thought it was a picture of Wilford Brimley.

Wilford sodding Brimley!

The sad thing? I can kinda see it.

Week 21: 258.5!

Starting weight: 264.2
Weight last week: 257.2
Current weight: 258.5
Lost this week: 0 (UP 1.7! FOR CRYING OUT LOUD)
Total lost to date: 5.7 pounds
Goal for this week: not shoot self in face :) (I'm JOKING!!!!!)

Goal Weight: 180

Weight remaining to lose: 78.9


OK, look. Let me get this out of the way first:
Go vote. I’d like to say “I don’t care who you vote for,” but I’d be lying ;)

Anyway, as promised, here’s the picture from the video:
(There’s supposed to be 2 of them, but I botched something in the saving…)
WTF!?!?!?!?!


Christ Almighty, I look like a water buffalo with a guitar!

They say the camera adds 10 pounds, and in my defense there was probably around 6 cameras pointed at me, but still!

And here’s me, about a year ago looking, as promised, positively svelte in comparison. Screw that, in comparison, I am a goddamn supermodel! I was about 245 pounds here.




I mean, really, what the hell am I doing to myself?

The Finger

Sorry for the gap, kids, but I had tons to stuff to deal with since Wednesday. For example:

Thurday night was the Grover Kent mini-set. It went well, but I felt like I played for like, three days as opposed to 10 minutes.
They also fixed my heat and I was unable to tun it off until Friday afternoon!
Additionally, my son got a double ear infection! Poor little dude wasn’t even pulling on his ears. We got him some anti-biotics and he’s a lot better today.

I saw a video of our set and man alive, if I ever needed any visual evidence that I am too fat, I got it. I’m going to try and capture a few frames and post it so the world can marvel at what the blazes happened to me. 12 months prior we played a show and I look positively svelte! I’ll post that too.

We bought one of those F’Real milk shakes to try and get Owen to eat something for his antibiotic last night. My wife told me to throw it out after he wouldn’t have any, and I was like “I kind of want this…”

Mind you, they have about 50 grams of fat in them. Yeah, you heard me, fifty grams of fat. Jeez, that’s like eating lard or something, only in Vanilla shake form. How the hell can they sell these things? It makes me so jealous of people with peppy metabolisms. I ended up having two sips and chucking the rest.

My arthritis is driving me around the bend today. I just took some more advil to see if that’ll help but it‘s fricking miserable. I can’t close my right hand into a fist completely as my middle finger is swollen and stiff. Nor can I straighten my F-U finger out completely. It sucks. At least I am not getting it in my fretboard hand, as of yet anyway.
I did have a nice power nap today then I changed the air filter in my car. Pretty good lunch hour

Frosty!

What is the Sam Hill is going on? It was positively arctic in the compound this morning. Ok, it was like 59, but still, that’s an outside temperature. Remind me to tell you about the argument I had with my parents (now residing in Florida) about “outside temperatures” because it’s a hoot.

Anyway, I shivered my way through some exercise today and feel pretty good.

So my friend Janet was reading through some old entries and got to the bit about me eating the two McChicken Sandwiches and fries and prompty had a conniption fit.

“TWO SANDWICHES?” she asked in a tone that implied I told her I consumed an entire foot locker full of kittens, “AND fries!?!?!”

I was like “Uh, duh!! This is why I got fat in the first place! It’s not like one day I decided to eat a lot of bread and KA-BLAM, I became the pseudo-leviathan I am today. This is a lifetime a crappy choices finally coming to a head.

A bunch of people at work are doing the Accuweight Bead Diet. It seems crazy, but the results are completely amazing. The question is, how do you maintain your weight loss afterwards?

Also, I think I’d be a grumpy bastard if I had to eat like that.

Week 20: 257.2

Starting weight: 264.2
Weight last week: 255.8
Current weight: 257.2
Lost this week: 0 (UP 1.4)
Total lost to date: 7 pounds
Goal for this week: 2 pounds

Goal Weight: 180

Weight remaining to lose: 77.2

I wish I had better numbers to report, but what can you do? I’ll be honest with you, today I feel like I am wasting my time and yours keeping this blog. I either have to truly commit to getting myself healthy, or not. Enough of this dicking around, and enough excuses already. I was tired! I was sore! Waaah! Waaaah! So what?

So What? Your body doesn’t care that you eat when you get stressed out. It doesn’t care that you just don’t feel like going to the gym. It doesn’t really care if you’re bummed out. It doesn’t care that you were up late the night before.

If you’re not going to do the work, you are going to get fatter and fatter and your health will get worse until something awful happens. Your body is a machine and it will run until it doesn’t. It gives warning signs and whether you choose to do anything about them, or just sit around making yourself worse is your decision.

20 weeks and all I have to show for it is 7 lousy pounds? It's pretty pathetic if you ask me. I know I can do better so why don't I?

Man up, or sit the hell down. Only one of those decisions is the right one, and I need to choose.

In other news:
I got a really, really, really, short haircut and shaved off my goatee. Now, fat dudes grow goatees because we generally have a lot of chins. Sometimes we shave them off and are horribly reminded of why we grow them in the first place. It’s amazing what some hair will do for you.

I thought I looked all right before. I wasn’t Brad Pitt or anything, mind you, but I’d pass in a crowd as Gram used to say.

Now? Damn near bald, and lots of flappage. Sadly, I look like Don Rickles had sex with a Shar-Pei! Now, there’s an image to get the motor’s running, eh gals?



How you doin'?

Well, it certainly could have been worse.

I was at my sister and brother-in-law’s this weekend, and therefore:
1) Didn’t weigh myself. I never did find the scale, but after Saturday, I wasn’t going to sweat it because I
2) ate like a garbage disposal

“What the hell happened?” you may be asking. Well, I’ll tell you.

Saturday:
-three chocolate chip cookies that were so delicious they had to be eleven million calories a piece.
-A pulled pork sandwich from the farmers market in Newtown. My God, this was amazing. Courtesy of Zook’s Barbeque, by the way. It’s run by some Amish folks and everything looks and smells great. I can vouch for the pulled pork obviously. Super friendly staff and great prices as well. Please note I received nothing from them in compensation for this endorsement other than being really, really full. The Farmer’s Market in Newtown is awesome, and the food’s not badly priced either.
-I had a Stewart’s Key Lime soda with my Frisbee sized sammich as well.
-Red Robin and their accursed bottomless steak fries.
-Rita’s also equally accursed Green Apple Gelati!

Sunday:
-Waffles (not too bad, Rich. Low cal syrup too!)
-A bite of a low fat hot dog I didn’t much care for
-2 McChicken Sandwiches and a value fries coming home (I know, I know! I was weak!)
-Some Purdue Chicken Nuggets at home when doing the laundry
-And top it off with three Quick Chek cookies!

Way to go, fat-ass!!!!!

Yes, I know, what the hell was I thinking? I dunno, really, I wasn’t I suppose.

So when the scale wound up at 258 today I wasn’t surprised except I thought it’d be higher. All the running about seems to have kept me from becoming a complete freaking behemoth.


Oh then to top it all off, I come in to this:

Damn it, Carolyn! I love Reese's! The Winter Eating Season has begun! I'm so not psyched!


Oh, Lilo and Stitch is pretty good too, in case you were wondering...

Holy crap, it's 10:30 at night, and Oatmeal is busy!

The boy's not asleep yet, and I never updated this thing!

Today's was 257.4 so up a little.

Didn't work today so I am a tad dehydrated as I never drink enough water at home.

Busy, busy weekend coming up! I will update this as much as I can.

The "oatmeal is busy" line is something my mother in law said that I though was funny (she's picking out countertops...)

That's that. Time to put the boy in the pack n play and watch Lilo and Stitch.

nothing much to say today

257.4

I initially typed that as “157.4” which obviously would mean:

* I was attacked by zombies who only half finished the job
* I was an assistant in a VERY BAD magic act
* Atomic diarrhea


Nope, just poor typing!

The Late Update

258.1 Today

Salt? Maybe. Might have something to do with the bagel and donut I had yesterday. Yep, just might Carbs, and I know bagels are salty, so there you go.

Anyhoo, had a short band practice yesterday. It was fun, and I honestly forgot how bloody heavy my Les Paul was. Holy mackerel! I thought we sounded pretty good, and we should make a good showing next week.

Week 19: 255.8

Starting weight: 264.2
Weight last week: 255.7
Current weight: 255.8
Lost this week: 0 (+.1! I’m going to call that damn near even. I mean, .1? That could be a loogie. Heck I could blow my nose and lose that.)
Total lost to date: 8.4 pounds
Goal for this week: 2 pounds

Goal Weight: 180

Weight remaining to lose: 75.8


Well, that was an interesting week, no? Up and down like budget elevator operator, only to end up pretty much right where we were before. Who’da thunk it?

What’s funny is I feel slimmer. Not a whole lot, but some, and kids, let me tell you I will take it! like Obama, I am also running on a “redistribution” platform. Fat to muscle I guess, eh? Maybe a little.

Here’s a little fun fact. You hear all the time when you’re trying to lose weight that “muscle weighs more than fat.” This is malapropism. A pound is a pound whether it’s fat, muscle, marbles, ice cubes, ball bearings, designer shoes, two-penny nails, pickles, fish tank gravel, clowns or bacon.* Muscle is bulkier, and the correct way to say it is “muscle is heavier by volume than fat. Basically if I was to give you a bucket with a pound of muscle and one with a pound of fat the fat bucket would be more full. Also, you’d have to ask yourself “What the hell is this guy doing with buckets of fat and muscle?” I know, I just freaked myself out a little, too!

This is why two people of the same weight can look radically different. It’s not all about the weight, but more about how much fat your body has. Someone my weight with my fat content (I think looks doughy. Someone my weight with like 19% or 20% body fat would look like Thor or something.

Oh, by the way, there is one way to win the old “which is heavier” question. That is, is it a pound of feathers or a pound of gold?

The feathers weigh more, actually. You see, gold is measured on the Troy scale and a pound of gold has only 12 troy ounces. I wopuldn’t advise trying to win money with this one, as although a pound is a pound, this one will likely get you a pound-ing!

See you all tomorrow!


P.S. I just realized I forgot to bring a banana to work with me. That’s annoying as I look forward to my 12 noon-nanner!



*Yeah, that was gloriously random, wasn’t it? Ah, I really needed that!

255.8

yep, 255.8

All right, this is starting to get interesting.* Will I be the same tomorrow as last week? Up? Down?

My guess is I may be slightly lower. I had a busy weekend, that’s for sure, so maybe, maybe, maybe.

I’ll be busy tonight as well, as the laundry monster must be vanquished.

I have excessively dry lips for the past two or three days. It’s strange.

Oh, some people were interested in the change total. It was $33.24! Nice.



*Well, it’s getting interesting for me, that’s for sure. I’m hoping you’re staying interested as well. According to the site stats it’s a “Maybe.” I’m guessing maybe people didn’t realize I posted on Saturday AND Sunday this weekend!

Sunday, Busy Sunday

256.9

I am very busy, so musings and whatnot will have to wait until tomorrow.

Two cool things though:

I managed to get the Criterion Robocop on DVD for a buck yesterday, and off set that by finding tons of change in our parking lot.

Here's the pile! Or piles as the case was after washing the crud off it!

Holy crap! AKA Look he's Posting on Saturday!

Well I did say I was going to weigh myself every day for 2 weeks so I am.

258

Same as yesterday. Whodathunkit?

It's pretty cold here this morning, and, as I live in an apartment and beholden to the man, I don't think we have heat yet. Don't know what we're gonna do today, but i have a sneaking suspicion it'll be warmer outside than it is in here. If we go to the flea market, look for the still fat (but dashingly handsome) dude pushing the cute kid around...

Also, I did not have White Castle Pulled Pork yesterday. I had a crummy Lean Cuisine instead. Here are the results of the Sesame Chicken:


It wasn't bad, but it certainly wasn't all that good either.

Pulled Pork, at, of all places...

White Castle.

Now, my friend Grath (he sings for the Steinways. http://www.myspace.com/thesteinways. Check ‘em out, they are super catchy and swear like longshoremen) swears they are good, but I am not convinced. Since starting the Sporty by Forty Initiative I have noticed that most fast food tastes different to me.

For instance:

• I was stressing out quite badly yesterday and I had McDonalds for breakfast. I don’t know if it was just prepared badly or I am off McD’s (I’m hoping the latter frankly) but it was awful
• Had a couple French fries from there recently as well. Not like I remember them at all. The McChicken was OK, but nothing special.
• Haven’t had any Burger King in a long time.
• We went to Wendy’s recently and I got the Asian chicken salad and that was really good.
• White Castle, on the other hand tasted exactly the same last time I had it (which, admittedly, was some time ago.)

That’s either a testament to the quality of food* served at the Castle, or my taste buds are still not normal.


Oh the weigh in was 258 today.



*Yes, I’m serious, shut up!

WOOT!

The verdict is in:

Dirty brakes+low tire pressure+free oil change card=no charge for the mechanic=God likes me!

Also, I did not eat cookies, brownies and assorted other nummies.

I wonder if I'll be up or down tomorrow...

Emotionally, up, yes, but I meant in CF*



*Chubbulence Factor

Bloated and touchy. And not the good kind of touchy, like "touchy-feely" either!

I hate the scale, or rather, I hate that a day to day fluctuation can make me as mad as it did this morning.

259.8 That’s TWO HUNDRED AND FIFTY NINE POINT EIGHT! Damn, blast and double damn!

Seriously, five goddamn pounds!?!?!?! In one day?!?!?!?! Man, that’s really annoying. I realize it’s due to some stress induced consumption of baked goods last night, but that doesn’t make it any less annoying, does it? It must be water retention for the most part, because I feel a little bloated. If I could only lose say 8 gallons of water I’d be well along the road to recovery!

FURTHER ANNOYANCES:


AUTO SHOP

My car is in the shop. I think it’s my wheel bearing, which was replaced a year ago. Or it’s my axle, which was replaced in March. It could be the tie rod (doubtful) which was replaced in July. Or it could be a brand new thing that is going to cost too much bloody money. Tom Petty said “The waiting is the hardest part,” but I call shenanigans. I have the feeling that the longer they take to call you, the more it will cost. In my mind, every hour they wait equates to approximately 100.00 plus tax. The fact that their hourly labor rate is NINETY FIVE FRICKING DOLLARS AN HOUR is probably a coincidence, right? I have no scientific evidence to back that up but who cares? Everyone knows 78.6 percent of statistics are completely made up!*

Really!**

Man, sometimes I wish I took the bus.

Well, I’m sure as soon as I find out how much this is going to cost I’ll be back screaming about it. Get ready!



BOSSES DAY (a food annoyance)

There’s a hell of a lot of food here today, not a whole lot of it is anything I ought to be eating. My boss, bless him, has the metabolism of a hummingbird on speed and 26 Red Bulls. Conversely, I have the metabolism of a slug on downers. Fortunately, some one brought in a veggie platter so I can eat eleven tons of celery instead of the freakishly large and thick cookies. Admittedly, they look delicious, but I am tired of being large and thick myself. No cookies for you***!





* Actually, it’s probably higher than that, seeing as I just made that statistic up myself.

** No, not really…

***You of course, meaning “me.” You, dear reader, can have as many as you like. Unless you’re trying to shape up too! If that’s the case, no cookies for you, either.

Wednesday weigh ins and woes...

Today’s weight- 255

Aside from this morning’s weigh-in of 255 (!)pounds and the fact that I can now wear my red Polo shirt once more (HUZZAH!), Wednesday is not shaping up to be all that great. I’m tired, my stomach is a might funny, I’m out of those little packets you put in your water bottle to make iced tea or whatever, and to top it all off, I have spilled a bottle of Aquafina on my desk.

Don’t worry too much, because luckily I managed to absorb most of the spill with my pants.

Lovely. Nothing makes the day seem brighter than damp trousers!

Please note, massive Ebay push coming up this week. I’ll keep you posted.

Well, I got my ticket to the final ERGS! show. Sad to see the end of an era.

Week 18: 255.7

Starting weight: 264.2
Weight last week: 259.4
Current weight: 255.7
Lost this week: 3.7
Total lost to date: 8.5 pounds
Goal for this week: 2 pounds

Goal Weight: 180

Weight remaining to lose: 75.7

Ok, on the one hand I am pleased as punch that I managed to nearly double my goal of two pounds. On the other hand, my usual pattern of being slightly higher on the scale on Tuesdays as opposed to Mondays (based on an admittedly completely random pre-weigh-in campaign) so I can’t help but go “huh?!?!”

The funny thing is I actually feel thinner this week. I mean I am thinner so maybe it’s not all that funny or odd. I noticed my button down shirts felt a little looser this weekend, and that was nice.

So, let’s talk about where I want to be and when. August 27th, 2010 is the deadline for this whole shebang, but really here’s a couple of things coming up I’d like to make as milestones

1) My band is playing two shows. One is mischief night, the other is the Saturday before Thanksgiving. I’d lurve to be down say, 20 pounds total by then! However, I know from what I speak when I say I’m not going to set myself up for a crushing disappointment like I did around my birthday. So, here’s what I’m saying. 15 pounds by November 22nd. This will be a sliding scale so that if I hit 15 before then I’ll adjust upwards accordingly*.
2) Christmas. Do I go all sentimental and say “25 by the 25th?” ** Perhaps. This is penciled in.
3) My kid’s natal anniversary in April. I can’t even tell you what I want to be at that far ahead in the future.

In theory, I want to have lost 40 pounds total by my birthday, 2009. I mean that’s the halfway mark, so really, that’s primarily poetic horse puckey rather than a “realistic goal.” Sometimes, we need slogans and poetic horse puckey though, right?


ENDNOTES:

I used to do these in a column I wrote for e-crap.com years ago. Maybe they should come back!

Here’s a funny blog I just discovered.
http://www.spillingcoffee.com/

I’m going to add him to the links on the right, but figured I mention it anyhoo. Also, my friend Jay writes this one
http://www.musicalsauce.blogspot.com/



*I never know how to write directionally for this blog, if you catch what I mean. You know, you want to lose weight, so are you adjusting goals down, or are you adjusting it up because you want to lose more weight? I’m sure Mr. Berman (one of my favorite HS English teachers) could straighten me out.

**Yes, I am awesome at slogans, thank you for noticing. Sporty By Forty, 25 by the 25th. You get the idea. I hope to have more luck with some of these than my less then successful “More 69 in ‘96” campaign, which resulted in exactly no 69 in ’96.

Man, I sure do love bacon...

Never have truer words been spoken, by this, or any other man. I was having some turkey bacon last night, and was thinking that it’s been a good long while since I have had any real, actual bacon. The turkey bacon was good though.

So, day one of my 2 week experiment. I’m gonna weigh myself every day for two weeks, and try to see when the best day for weigh in. I know you all have Tuesdays marked on your calendar, but sometimes we need to make changes. Granted, these changes are purely to make me feel better, but whatever we can do to help would be great, right?

So, today’s number is as follows:

256.8

That’s pretty good. Damn near three pounds. Let’s see what tomorrow will bring though, shall we?

People at work...

There’s a ton of people losing weight in my office currently. Some have been incredibly dramatic, and some sort of sneak up on you. You know what I mean, you see them every day or so and one day it’s like “Hey! Are you losing weight?” and they are and you can pay them a nice compliment. As long as they don’t say “Why yes, I am thanks! I see you’re still a buffalo in Khakis and a polo shirt*” or something, it’s a nice moment.

It’s also nice inspiration. You know what I mean, along the lines of “Well, if so-and-so can do it, there’s no reason for me to still be fat!” and that’s true. Sometimes I just need to realize that, you know? It’s a tough road, and the easy thing to do is to stop, sit down, and eat 26 Fun Size candy bars. Believe me, I know!

I asked my friend Stephanie how much she though I weighed and she pegged me at 235-240. Thank you, ma’am! (I wish you were right but I’ll take what I can get right now!)

We were also discussing weigh in days, and one woman said “Mondays are the worst, but hey, it keeps me honest!” Quite frankly, Mondays seem to be a better day for me. I’m generally far lighter (ok, a pound or so, not anything nutty!) on Monday then I am on Tuesday. I think, starting this Monday I’m gonna weigh myself everyday and see what the flux is going on. Yes, that’s an awful pun. You’re welcome.

You know, if I could only lose weight like that Dow Jones fellow, I’d be dead sexy already!





*The other day, I fully felt like a large grazing mammal in business casual, for sure.

Week 17: 259.4

Starting weight: 264.2
Weight last week: 258.0
Current weight: 259.4
Lost this week: 0 (UP AGAIN! 1.4!)
Total lost to date: 4.8 pounds
Goal for this week: 2 pounds

Goal Weight: 180

Weight remaining to lose: 79.4

OK, I admit it, I'm starting to lose heart here.

I really need to get back on the treadmill and get my fat ass running again.

Ripped off!

So I have been using the Perfect Pushups for a while and it’s getting a little easier. I shall soon graduate to big-boy pushups! One thing struck me while I was doing them this morning though. I have heard the expression that someone dropped down and “ripped off a series of pushups.” Mind you the only way I was gonna rip off some pushups was to shove a Good Humor box under my shirt at the Stop & Shop.

This morning on my third set I ripped off ten in a row, dammit, and I ripped ‘em off good! Seriously, BAM! BAM! BAM! BAM! BAM! BAM! BAM! BAM! BAM! BAM!. I stopped and was pretty stunned.
Then I did it again! Holy crap!

Be sure to tune in again when I switch to big-boy pushups and suck again! Hooray!

Oh, sorry for the misleading title by the way.

Week 16: 258.0

Starting weight: 264.2
Weight last week: 259.1
Current weight: 258.0
Lost this week: 1.1
Total lost to date: 6.3 pounds
Goal for this week: 2 pounds

Goal Weight: 180

Weight remaining to lose: 78.0

OK, that’s a wee bit better. On the downward trend once more! Tally ho, and all that!

So the missus got a kettlebell and I decided I was going to give it a go this morning and let me tell you, you use muscles you didn’t know you had. I will surely pay for this tomorrow. The Perfect Pushups have been a little easier, I did about 30 today*. It seemed deceptively easy until about 27 or so. At that point an invisible elephant got on my back and the last three or so were brutal.

Oh, the kettlebell came with an instructional dvd (no value declared on the box) in a thin plastic CD case! No paper sleeve for the fine people at Go! Fitness.

Oh, if you don’t know what a kettlebell is, try this:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kettlebell

Also, I have passed 500 page views, about half of which are unique. That’s pretty cool.






*Yes, I’m still doing them the “girly” way. I figure when they seem a bit more effortless I’ll switch to the “big boy” pushups.

Happy National Punctuation Day! Yes, seriously!

Considering the usual ineptitude displayed on the internet regarding grammar and punctuation, I should have taken today off and sat shiva for the English language, but here I am!

http://www.nationalpunctuationday.com/

I am 100% behind this holiday. Here’s why:



so enjoy, and go look up my favorite new punctuation mark, the interrobang!

That's right, it's real!

Week 15: 259.1!

Starting weight: 264.2

Weight last week: 255.0

Current weight: 259.1

Lost this week: 0 (+4.1!!!!!!)

Total lost to date: 5.2 pounds

Goal for this week: I seriously don’t have any idea. Really. Goddammit. Maybe I’ll eat an entire moose or something.*

Goal Weight: 180

Weight remaining to lose: 79.1

I am a surly, surly man today.

What in the hell? I was no angel this week, despite my best intentions (hey whattya know, I’m weak!), but I know I exercised more this week then last when I actually lost some weight, but seriously, up 4.1?!?! I was doing Perfect Pushups, damn it! I took the stairs a plenty! I walked around a lot!

I’d like to say “I’m not mad, I’m disappointed” but I’d be lying. I’m disappointed and pretty fucking pissed off to boot. I must have weighed myself 10 times this AM, then I gave up and ate a banana.

I feel like I’m going to be this fat bastard forever sometimes. I caught a shot of my shadow on the wall the other day as I came out of a backlit room and it looked like the goddamn opening to Alfred Hitchcock Presents!

*I sincerely hope that there’s some kind of dippin’ sauce for said moose. I bet they are dry.

a $9.99 value, yours free!

So the Perfect Pushups came with a poster that isn’t super illustrative, and an instructional DVD. I think I need to watch the DVD to make sure I’m doing everything correctly. I think I am, however I don’t think I have successfully completed any pushups since, oh, college or so, so maybe I am wrong.

I do think it’s funny that they tell you the enclosed free DVD is valued at $9.99. That seems to be a ridiculously arbitrary number. I mean, it’s an instructional DVD in a cardboard sleeve! You wouldn’t buy it without the handles, and I own a lot of DVDs that came in cases that cost a lot less than $9.99. Also, you kind of expect an instructional video these days.

That’s pretty much it for today. I had an awesome banana before. It must have been at the peak of ripeness or something because it was delish!

An inspirational post, OR, In order to combat my craving for White Castle that I have been having lately...

We watched Harold and Kumar go to White Castle last night. Man, that is a ridiculously funny movie. Neil Patrick Harris is ridiculous. I need to see the sequel even though most people said it’s not nearly as good.

So I gave the Perfect Pushup thingamadoodles (that’s a technical term) a go today and I like them. I am still a sissy-pantsed weakling and have to do the easy or “starter” position. You know, kneeling, previously known in school as “girl push-ups.” Well, if that’s all I can do, that’s all I can do. I realized somewhat late in life that (and brace yourself for this little pearl of wisdom kids, because it’s going to come as a shock to many of you), quite simply, you have to start somewhere! If that means at the bottom, then so be it. I’m not going to sweat it. At least it’s something.

That’s my little piece of advice for today, start something. Start it from the bottom and who gives a baboon’s bum if you suck at it! Go ahead, suck at it. To paraphrase a great American* be “the suckiest suck who ever sucked!” Who cares, you’ll more than likely get better. If you don’t, and you discover that, even with practice this activity is just not for you, try something else.

I see people give stuff up after trying it a couple times because it’s “too hard.” Maybe it’s supposed to be.

When I finally reach my goal and I can get a new suit and look at myself in the mirror and not think “DUDE!?!?! What in the hell happened?” It will have been worth it.

I will also be approximately 797% sexier. You can’t argue with statistics!**



*Homer J. Simpson
** 86% of which are usually lies.

Hey, check out what my Lovely Assistant(tm) got for me.

Perfect PushUp!


My wife is super awesome. She got me a "your wife doesn't have cancer" present!

Yeah, that was the heavy stuff I was dealing with (well we were dealing with...) and I'm really psyched and relieved that she's OK.

I will be busting these out tomorrow morning and I'll let you know how it goes.

Week 14: 255.0

Starting weight: 264.2
Weight last week: 257.1
Current weight: 255.0
Lost this week: 2.1
Total lost: 9.2 pounds
Goal for this week: Oh, I'm feeling saucy. I'm gonna go ahead and say three pounds!

Goal Weight: 180

Weight remaining to lose: 75.0

Not bad. Didn't hit it as hard as I wanted to but some heavy things were still on the boilerplate. I should be able to elucidate further soon.

I want to buy a set of those "perfect push up" handle doo dads. I think it'll be easier for me to do push ups with them because the arthritis in my right hand has been absolutely killing me lately. It hasn't been too bad for the past two days but it was awful over the weekend.

One more reason to lose weight, or, Just when i thought I got out...The pull me back in!!!

October, 30 2008 at Mischief Night Massacre! w/ Calamity Menagerie & Friends!
3276 Washington Road, Parlin, New Jersey 08859

Halloween Madness! Calamity Menagerie with: The O>matics,
The Break Evens
The Professor
What’s The Scoop?!
plus the reunions of:

Grover Kent and Jerk Chicken!

Yep. You read that correctly. We’re doing a mini “Reunion-ette” at this show. Basically it’ll be me and the Break Evens playing for a little while. It should be fun, as we haven’t played in a year now and I have actively retired from music. I don’t see this as coming out of retirement either, in case you were wondering.

However, I do not wanna look like a giant panting wildebeast up there so the game is afoot!

Rain, rain, go away!

Well, it’s raining and people are driving like absolute asshats. The amount of rampant stupidity witnessed in my home state of NJ once the rain starts a-fallin’ in is mind numbing. It’s like these people have never seen rain before.

“Well, honey, it was a nice sunny day, but now those grey, cottony looking things are blocking the sun.”

“Carl, I’m scared!”

“Don’t worry honey, it’ll be…What the devil is this?!?!?! Water?!?!?! Sheila! It’s water! Water is falling from the sky!

“Oh no, Carl! What will we do!?!?!”

“I don’t know! Wait, I have an idea! I’ll try changing lanes at random without using any signals…”

“Is it working?!?! My eyes are closed!”

“No, no, it’s just coming down harder! I don’t understand it! I’ve slowed down to 20 miles an hour and randomly changed lanes. I’ve kept the headlights off! It’s no good! Sheila, I think it what we’ve always feared…the End Times…

“The Rapture! Take us home, Jesus!!!” (cue screeching tires…)

Seriously, it’s like they found a tribe of lost prehistoric desert nomads and just set them on the roads in cars to see what would happen. Meanwhile, I just want to get back to the office without hitting someone.

For crying out loud you chuckle-heads, it’s rain. Out of the huge list of stuff falling out of the sky that would make driving much more difficult*, a little water is waaaaaaay down on the list. I could understand people driving like cracked-out zoo monkeys if it were, say, toads or a rain of Holy, cleansing fire, or something, but this is a pretty regular occurrence here in the Garden State. These are the people who, the minute any sort of Tropical Storm/Hurricane/Blizzard or whatever get predicted, buy up all the milk, bread and eggs in a 6 mile radius from their home. How much French Toast do you need, people?

Anyway, I expect a little downward trend A.K.A. actual weight loss this week because a previously tight shirt is now fitting much more loosely, and that’s pretty exciting.

Have a good weekend and try to get out while you still can. It’s supposed to be super nice, so get out there before it becomes cold, windy and snowy. Then we’ll really see some driving!





*I believe the following things, falling from the sky, would be valid excuses for driving like a jackass:
(Please note: this is not a complete list)

• Toads
• Holy Cleansing Fire
• Blood
• Ketchup
• Hamburgers
• Naked ladies
• Those really big hardcover books that are always on discount at the front of Borders.
• Hardcore Pornography (it’s not so much the magazines and DVDs, but the stream of 14 year old boys darting out into traffic trying to grab them. That would probably apply to the naked ladies too now I get to thinking about it…)
• Your mom
• My mom
• The 1977 Dallas Cowboys
• Actual cowboys
• 112,000 autographed 8x10 glossy photographs of a shirtless Ed Asner.

Week 13: 257.1

Starting weight: 264.2
Weight last week: 251.1
Current weight: 257.1
Lost this week: 0 (up 1)
Total lost: 7.1 pounds
Goal for this week: At this point, any downward trend would be bitchin'

Goal Weight: 180

Weight remaining to lose: 77.1

Sorry for the lack of blog-tivity this week, but it’s been a bitch of a week.

Took a good long look at myself in the mirror this morning and was summarily disgusted. Seriously. I mean, I’ve been under a fair amount of stress as of late and I have just stopped going to the gym. It’s just so damned early and I have been so damned tired. Probably “so damned lazy” as well, truth be told. But I caught sight of that horrendously pale, doughy son of a bitch in the mirror and said, “Man, that’s you!”

What happened, indeed.

When I was a kid I was skinny. There are pictures of me where you can distinctly see ribs. There’s no gut. I was an 8 year old Adonis. Things started getting chubby at around 12. So, obviously, I blame 1982 for the start of my troubles!

I was never a vegetable eater either. I like them raw, but not cooked, even to this day. I mean, I eat them, but I never in the middle of the day think “Man, I could really go for some peas right now!” White Castle, on the other hand…Well, you know what I’m saying.

I am Junk Food’s bitch. This is not a relationship I enjoy, it’s bad for me, and it makes me look and feel like crap. It’s tough to get away from. Sometimes I feel like one of those junkies on Intervention. I was showing some improvement in the gut and face area and it’s gone again.

So, I gotta get up again, and dust myself off, and get back to work.

Week 12: 256.1

Starting weight: 264.2
Weight last week: 254.1
Current weight: 256.1
Lost this week: 0 (up 2)
Total lost: 8.1 pounds
Goal for this week: 2 pounds (for real.)

Goal Weight: 180

Weight remaining to lose: 76.1


Today’s weigh in: Not completely unexpected. Yeah, the last weekend of the summer season, and I attended a cookout yesterday. This should be read as “I ate like I was going to the electric chair.”

Chips, blueberries, more chips, 2 hot dogs, 2 burgers, a pickle, and 2 pieces of M&M Ice cream cake. I mean, come on, Rich. However, I knew what I was getting into, I wasn’t going to try and hold back and just went and enjoyed myself.

This of course means severe punishment this week. And by that I mean “not a lot of sleep and a lot of sweating!” I’m not terribly upset about this really, mainly because I was expecing it to be oh, so much worse. Expect better things next week, when I won’t be attending cookouts and whatnot.

Today's score:Our Hero-0, General Tso-1

Yeah, happy birthday to me, yesterday. I pigged out on the General Tso’s combo platter (with Pork fried rice and Wonton soup) and it was so very, very good.

About an hour later, I was not as the old joke says, “hungry again.” No, I was sleepy. And I stayed up to see what my auctions would close at, which was a bad idea as well.

Today I am draggin’ ass in a spectacular fashion. Now I remember why I don’t have Chinese food for dinner anymore. Amazingly, I am not spectacularly bloated or anything today, go figure.

I should have weighed myself to see if the salt caused me to retain eleventy billion gallons of water.


Endnotes:
Oh I got the Don Rickels book yesterday, along with another one about a white collar guy who tries to live on minimum wage. They look good, I just have to finish my newest Terry Pratchett (Night Watch) and the book I got at the Dollar Tree (“King of King’s County” by Whitney Terrell).

I have learned I can only do 2 at a time nowadays.

The missus and I got a card recently from someone I had kind of given up hope on hearing from again. It’s funny, but I was going to call them because of that damned Christian the Lion video on YouTube where at the end it’s like “you should get in touch with someone you have lost touch with.” In other words, don’t be such a thickhead about it, ya dope. When I call, I’m going to ask if that’s why they decided to send the card. That’s the kind of serendipity I expect in situations like this.

Week 11: 254.1 or: Holding the line; at least it’s not 2 steps back…

Starting weight: 264.2
Weight last week: 254.1
Current weight: 254.1
Lost this week: 0 (but on the plus side, no “upsies” either)
Total lost: 10.1 pounds
Goal for this week: 2 pounds (I’m shooting more realistically)

Goal Weight: 180

Weight remaining to lose: 74.1


Yeah, minor delay in the weigh in, as noted yesterday due to me being a dork and forgetting what day of the week it was.

Der.

What are you gonna do, though, really?

Like I noted above, at least there’s no upswing in the tubbulence department. There’s a little to be said for holding steady (which I am sometimes thinking is: “Way to stay fat, fatso!”) and I’m planning a not healthy at all dinner tonight, as it is my birthday.

Yippee!

Really, I’m kind of “meh” about my birthday this time out. It does however, signal the true 2 year countdown. As of today I have a mere 730 days to accomplish my goal. Holy crap, that doesn’t seem that long does it? Quite frankly 40 (THE BIG FOUR-OH!) really isn’t that far off. Confidentially, it’s wigging me out, just a little. Thirty didn’t wig me out so much, maybe because I got married a week before I turned 30 and I didn’t have a lot of time to dwell on it. It could be that it legitimately didn’t bother me.

40, on the other hand, is a tougher nut to crack. Or maybe it’s 38 being a tough nut to crack. I’m talking nonsense I think. I think I may buy myself Ultraman The Next on DVD off EBAY today. Ultraman always make you smile!

Hey on the plus side I have already lost over 10% of my goal so that’s awesome.

Weigh-In: Postponed! or I am a colossal Jackass!

I am a dope and forgot it was Tuesday today. So what’s the big deal about that, you ask? Well, I woke up FAMISHED and thought, well, I’m up earlier than I thought, so I’ll have some breakfast. So I did. Before I weighed myself obviously…

So, we’ll do this again tomorrow?

Great! See you then!

Monday, Monday...

So a friend of mine, who shall remain nameless*, sort of read me the riot act the other day about having too many excuses in regards to my weight loss, or rather, general lack thereof. Then she basically told me that she knew I could do better, get off my duff and get moving again.

She’s right, I’m totally slacking off when I should have the pedal to the metal now, while it’s still nice out and I won’t have to struggle to even leave the house in the cold and dark of winter.

Back on the horse, that creaky old nag.**

I also started playing guitar again. I am using my Guitar for Dummies book so I can actually do it properly this time out! Having pretty much faked it with bar chords and power chords (and very few single note runs) in my musical “career,” maybe I’ll actually be able to make the music that I hear in my head come out of my guitar, without my fellow bandmates having to act as my ciphers. That’s a ways off though for now. Right now I have to rebuild my calluses!



















*Janet!

** the nag in this sense is my battle with weight loss, not my nameless friend*

IT'S A PLUG! Brandy new EBAY auctions now up! or: Gentlemen, Start your Spendin’!

Hey folks,

Help me pay off my bills by purchasing some high quality collectibles and assorted sundries and ephemera* from me.

Lots of stuff to go up as fast as humanly possible before new changes take place and ruin it for everyone.

The link is to your right------------>

a little lower (or higher depending on where the arrow is) under the Stuff i Think youse Oughta be lookin at ... heading














*That’s right, I said ephemera! See Mom and Dad, that college edja-muh-ca-shun paid off at least a little!

Week 10: 254.1

Starting weight: 264.2
Weight last week: 253.1
Current weight: 254.1
Lost this week: 0 (up 1, dang it!)
Total lost: 10.1 pounds
Goal for this week: 4 pounds

Goal Weight: 180

Weight remaining to lose: 74.1


This is what happens when you go off the wagon, but try and remain somewhat active I guess. They had the bathroom at work closed for half the day so I had to go downstairs. This is a minor pain but, it did get me some extra exercise via the stairs and the fact that I pee like a nervous squirrel once I hit a certain amount of water. I believe I may have the tiniest bladder known to man.

So, the toe is much better now, thanks. It's a little discolored, but not as nasty looking as before, and I can bend it fine.

So, 8 pounds in a week. Can it be done? Well, yes, but can it be done by a doughy man with a full time job, a wife, a 2 year old? Who knows? I know if I really hammered myself I could probably get it done, but will it stick? Better to be slow and steady and actually keep it off, right?

Endnotes:
* I listen to a lot of Old Time Radio. While it is in the public domain, it's not easy to find places to download shows for free. So, I Googled like a madman one day and while trying different combinations, I found out that the Library of Congress at www.archive.org has a nice collection of shows. I haven't investigated too deeply, but it seems some shows are even organized by year, which is really awesome. I even managed to get two Nero Wolfe shows I was missing (The lost Heir and The Case of the Malevolent Medic) so that was pretty cool.

Archive.org has a boatload of public domain films and also a lot of live music. Most of it is crap like the Grateful Dead and Phish, but there's some gems too. Check it out.

* man, I hate when you're eating a great banana and you look down before the very last bit and there's an enormous black spot! URGH!

I am a crappy blogger...

…and it’s not because I do not update every day. It is because I broke my toe, it was super gnarly looking, and I didn’t take a picture. What the hell, America?* It may also be because I use too many exclamation points in my titles. Today, I used an elipsis. Go, me! I am, however, really sore today from carting my son around over my head in the pool for 2 days. It’s a great workout, as he’s like thirty pounds. The heck with getting a Kettlebell, I simply chuck my kid around!** That's all. Prepare for a remarkably blah weigh in tomorrow, methinks.


I saw this today and thought it was cute :)

* Rest in Peace, Bernie Mac. Since this blog is "world wide" I probably should have said “What the hell, Internet?”

** Safely, of course. After swimming we play with pit bulls or a mason jar full of rusty thumbtacks.

The rest of the results are in, whoop-de-frickin-do...

Miles to go kids.

Triglycerides- 381 (should be under 150(!) but getting lower
HDL- 32 (should be 40 or higher, but it’s going up)
LDL- 83 which from what I am reading is good, but the size of the particles in my blood is bad.


So, they are upping my dose of Cholesterol meds. Damn it. More weight to lose, and things should improve further.

Here’s the kicker, though. I broke my pinky toe today on my right foot.* I caught it on the footboard of the bed and heard it crack. There was a bright white light and then I thought I was ok. Come 1 PM I was in agony at my desk, so I drove to CVS, got some tape and I’m good to go. God, that’s an awful sound, I’ll tell you that, wow.

My wife asked me, “do you want to go to the hospital?” and I said no. I mean, really, I’m gonna pay some pill jockey a hundred clams to tape my toe to the other one? Boo-schwa!
Today has kind of sucked all around. Let’s take a look:

1) Broke my toe. This may severly impact my goal of losing 18 pounds by my birthday!
2) Numbers came back kinda crummier than I wanted them to
3) My Kashi Lemon Rosemary Chicken was just VILE. The meat was like liquid. Could I have cooked it too long?
4) More meds

Ah well, there’s always tomorrow!

My first official product endorsement!

Well, “official” in the sense that the Sporty by Forty Initiative officially uses and recommends the following product, not that I’m getting anything out of it:

Kashi Sweet and Sour Chicken

http://kashi.com/products/kashi_entrees_sweet_sour_chicken

Yeah, I have to pick out the mushrooms* (usually all both of them) but after that it’s flavor city. The first one I got was a little light on the chicken, but the ones I’ve had since have been chock full (cluck full?)-o-bird! It’s very flavorful and filling to boot, and the veggies are remarkably crisp for a microwaved dish.

The sauce is quite good as well. It’s not like the Sweet and Sour chicken one might get at the local Chinese joint, but it doesn’t have the ability to spackle your ventricles shut either.

There are a bunch of other varieties and once they go on sale I’m going to try some more.

Annoying factoid: There’s one of these in the freezer at work, but it’s not marked. I think I may have let it there, but I don’t want to swipe someone’s emergency lunch or anything.

Anyway, that is all!








*Unlike cheese, which I believe comes from the Devil himself, I actually like mushrooms. They, on the other hand, do not like me one bit. It’s a shame, really.

Week 9: 253.1(!)

Starting weight: 264.2
Weight last week: 257.5
Current weight: 253.1
Lost this week: 4.4
Total lost: 11.1 pounds
Goal for this week: 3 pounds

Overall Goal: 180 (final weight, not pounds lost. I realized today that if my goad would be to lose 180 pounds, my final weight would be like 84 pounds, so I’d end up looking like a heroin addict or something. My skull alone is probably like 26 pounds.) This shall hence be changed to “Goal Weight”



Well, I have to say I am pleased as punch. I broke the 10 pound mark, and I may just make the 18 pounds by the 27th. I was thinking I’d probably just remain where I was last week, having made a couple bad food choices in the past couple days. What annoys me is if I hadn’t gone up last week, I’d be in the clear by getting to an 18 pound loss by the 27th.


[homer simpson]Stupid food! Be less tasty![/hs]

Speaking of Tasty, but good for you: My wife made breaded chicken on Sunday night that was to die for. I shoulda taken it for lunch today but I suppose I can wait for dinner.


Speaking of Tasty, but bad for you: A friend of mine and I were discussing Cracker Barrel today and our mutual love for said restaurant. I did however say that the reason that the name of the place was “Cracker Barrel” was because if you eat there too much, you will resemble a cracker barrel.

She said she thought it was because it was full of white people.

Well played, madame, well played indeed.

The results are (somewhat) in!

BP was 110/80 today.

Holy crap!

I haven’t seen numbers like that in forever. I’m quite pleased. Also, apparently my NP sent my skin tag to the lab, just to be thorough, and it came back negative for the big C. I said “Well, had it come back positive I would imagine I would have a phone call before now anyway.

When the blood work comes back I’ll let you know.

Well, it's certainly not getting any better...

Man I am craving a McDonald’s sausage biscuit so freaking bad right now. I mean, really, the mere thought of it is making me salivate something fierce. I had breakfast already (an apple with a Quaker Oatmeal to Go bar and orange juice in case you were wondering) and I’m not actually hungry right now, but I am making myself so with these insane food-porn fantasies. Seriously, I can taste it. It’s glorious. I can feel the flaky biscuit in my greasy paw right now. In the good news department, I’m getting used to the Oatmeal bars. The first one felt to me like I was trying to eat a carpet remnant.

I can’t wait for this cholesterol test to be over, so I can stop it with the cravings already. I don’t think I’m even going to get something bad after the test tomorrow just because I am betting this is all in my head. I’m having a cup of tea now to try and wake up. Coffee has been making me all kinds of goofy towards the end of the day, so I am again swearing off the brew. I think I like tea a lot more now anyhow. I remember when I was a teenager I had two friends who liked tea. So we’d be somewhere and they’d get tea and I’d get some alarmingly huge cup of coffee and I would honestly think they were the odd ones.

In the interest of full disclosure, I went to dinner with these two at a place known for its fish. What does one of them order?

Steak.

With a coffee to drink.

“What are you, a cowboy?” I asked him. “We should ask the waitress if they can serve it to you in a dented tin cup.”

Yeah, we still give him grief for that one.


Anyway, my appointment is tomorrow morning, and so I have to stop eating after 8 pm. If you need to reach me do it before 10, so I’m not too grouchy. Keep me in your prayers/send positive vibes/keep something crossed for me. I want to be making good progress.

I wish I had gotten new bike tires, then I could ride to the doctor, in theory. Of course, I actually like my Nurse Practitioner, so I don’t want to go in there all sweaty, smelling like a wet buffalo or something. Sigh, what’s a guy to do, eh?

Sweet Merciful Crap, my body sucks!

I assume this goes for everyone’s body, not just my travesty of anatomy. When I say my body sucks I do not mean I have a bad body. Oh, rest assured, I do have a bad body, otherwise what would be the point of this whole endeavor? What I mean is this:

I have a blood test Friday to check my cholesterol and whatnot, and to check my blood pressure. So, of course I am craving nothing but Chinese food and White Castle. I’d murder someone for a sack of Chicken Rings, man. I had a Quaker Oatmeal breakfast bar for breakfast today. I have developed a taste for them, which is fortunate considering I felt like I was eating drywall the first time I had one. I’m trying to work my way towards actual oatmeal. Lord knows, I’ve had it in the past but I found it repulsive. I mean, I would have liked something yummy and greasy for breakfast today, but I know better, especially the week of a blood test. Lets see how this goes and maybe I reward myself with something halfway bad on Friday. In reality, I should reward myself with something like Spaceballs on DVD rather than a greasy (pronounced like my old man; “greezy”) breakfast sammich. The DVD is cheaper and won’t kill me.


My allergies are god-awful today to boot. I so badly want to use a decongestant, but can’t. Blood pressure and all, old chap. The Claritin and Flonase work OK for a good portion of the day, but sometimes I get blocked up but good.

Gonna try and go for a walk/stagger/run later after I do the boy’s laundry. We’ll see, won’t we?